#520799 (1682)
<irving> i do stuff like set up my garage door to open over the internet
<MyPetGoat> having an internet-enabled garage door? what that fuck is that good for?
<MyPetGoat> it's like you're the most pathetic Bond villain ever
#520918 (826)
<zere> i need to make 75 thousand dollars
<videogameaholic> removing your head from your ass leaves quite a medical bill, doesn't it.
#521316 (2736)
<deloused> haha i love when people start telling you stuff like you care when you actually don't and you don't pay attention, and then when they finish they ask for your opinion/advice and you just say "oh yea i totally agree"
<XA> oh yeah, i totally agree
#521511 (1411)
<notalive> have you heard those jokes they dont tell gay people
<notalive> ?
<kebaan> i dont think so?
<kebaan> tell me one then i can tell you if i have
<notalive> i dont know any
#521743 (1092)
<megamobike> my mom taught me a very important lesson today
<ccrookedrrain> no means no?
<megamobike> gross
#522538 (1385)
<minion> what should i get for lunch
<minion> i have $4
<keef> 8 packs of ramen and a 3 dollar hooker
#522754 (1767)
<Trin[awah]> I was dyeing easter eggs, and I said, "my eggs came out all ugly!"
<Trin[awah]> and my brother said to me, "well, now you know how your mother feels."
#522860 (306)
<prepared>Theorem: All numbers are equal.
<prepared>Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then
<prepared>a + b = t
<prepared>(a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b)
<prepared>a^2 - b^2 = ta - tb
<prepared>a^2 - ta = b^2 - tb
<prepared>a^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb + (t^2)/4
<prepared>(a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2
<prepared>a - t/2 = b - t/2
<prepared>a = b
<prepared>So all numbers are the same, and math is pointless.
#522882 (-100)
<Kitoshi> XD at the end of Ep 3, when they\'re showing Padme\'s funeral
<Kitoshi> my friend Hampton said \"Look! Her stomach\'s big again! They must\'ve stuffed something back in there after the births!\"
<Heath> xD
<Kitoshi> and without a second thought, I respond \"Where do you think Yoda went into hiding?\"
#523092 (-292)
Infinitism: saying you've had the best sex without orgasm is like saying you've just cleaned a toilet with the neatest arrangement of shit all over it.
#523347 (1053)
<Terror> So, on one of the last days of school we had an assembly in memorial of some guy that graduated from my school that was a gunner on a Humvee and was killed by shrapnel from a roadside bomb in Iraq
<Terror> And when we go back to class, the teacher was asking us what we got out of the service
<Terror> and one kid said "I learned not be the the gunner on a Humvee"
#523604 (553)
<Nirtose> heres some geek for you... You make me hotter than a overclocked, volt-modded Prescott chip with stock heatsink and fan
<@Beaver> omg dude
<Nirtose> thats right
* Beaver has kicked Nirtose Reason(I told you once that im married)
* Nirtose has joined #beaver
<Nirtose> :(
* Beaver has kicked Nirtose Reason(And not gay)
#523701 (204)
<flamebird> using trillian because \"it works with MSN too\" is the same as saying \"well im not going to a strip club tonight, ill just get my mother to give me a lap dance.. shes a woman\" - its true.. but.. NO
#524037 (3425)
steve: whats your opinion on censorship
insomniacdude007: **** censorship
#524062 (2645)
3:pixelsoft> GHB? Don't you go to school?
3:GHB> Today is Saturday
3:pixelsoft> It's Friday
GHB left arena
#524110 (1801)
<RandalCalrissian> Who wrote an essay entitled 'Advice to a Young Man on choosing a Mistress'?
<Jeegoo> Cassanova
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 1st hint, B___am__ ____k___
<Jeegoo> no idea
<Randal> dr seus
<Jeegoo> hee
<Zwuh> Al Gore
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 2nd hint, _en_a_in _r_n__i_
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 3rd hint, B_njami_ Fra__lin
<Zwuh> Benjamin Frankin
<Jeegoo> Benjamn franklin
<Randal> benjamin frankls
<Randal> oop
<Randal> s
<Zwuh> haha
<RandalCalrissian> Time's up! The answer was: Benjamin Franklin
<Zwuh> way to spell, team!
#524500 (-222)
TheOrigionalFuzz: this one guy was yelling at me in spanish the other day, so I said "speak a real language or go to hell" and he kept yelling at me, and it was pissing me off, so I flipped him off, so he started chasing me, so I started running, and that's about it
TheOrigionalFuzz: turns out I was on his property
TheOrigionalFuzz: or something
#524669 (312)
<Boo|Marking> Can you think of any reason why IE, on my dad's laptop, won't display animated .gifs ?
<Mirabilis> Because they're disabled in the IE options
<Mirabilis> Other than that, security settings
<Boo|Marking> Hm. I looked for it.
<Boo|Marking> I'll have another lookie-see.
<Donovan> I dunno, Boo|Marking, I have a feeling it may have to do with "Microsoft KB #2383892: Internet Explorer is a Steaming Pile of Shit"
#524693 (1417)
<mikael> people should get beat up, for stating their beliefs
<penisbird> is that your belief?
#524806 (-434)
<helgrl> What c:\DARTHVADER said to c:\DARTHVADER\LUKESKYWALKER ?
<helgrl> "I´m your folder"
#525051 (1169)
<Admiral_Payne> One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said she was almost out of typing paper, and asked she should do
<Admiral_Payne> "just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her
<Admiral_Payne> You know what she did?
<Admiral_Payne> she took her last remaining blank piece of typing paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five copies
#525085 (1942)
DBO: the guy in the middle lane is blasting his music full blast
DBO: so loud I cant hear my own music with the windows up
DBO: I mean really FREAKING loud
DBO: I look over at him and give him a nasty look
DBO: and then I see something on the car on the other side of him
DBO: its a note
DBO: written on cardboard
DBO: help up against the window
Muz: Yes...and?
DBO: "You music sucks, your stereo is too damn loud, and I'm sorry you have a tiny penis"
DBO: he turned it down after that
#525122 (1760)
<monarch> the other day i skipped church and went to get something to eat at 7-11
<monarch> i paid with a 10 and recieved $6.66 in change.
<monarch> am i going to hell?
<qbert> almost certainly
<monarch> fuck
#525158 (1552)
(XisXisXis): I wanna find an old Star Wars pinball machine
(XisXisXis): just so I can hear Yoda say, "Extra Ball, you have"
#525423 (1364)
<uZi`> i got a photographic memory
<uZi`> :/
<Grimmeehh> cool
<Grimmeehh> porn on demand
<uZi`> mainly for numbers tho
<Grimmeehh> o
<uZi`> only ascii porn
<uZi`> :(