#515059 (293)
<tsunami> my mind is racing, just remember my old flatmate and the dreaded salad
<tsunami> i was like: 'this salad you made tastes funny...' found out she used the cucumber the night before, washed it and placed it back in the crisper... i banned her from ever making food again
<Sephiroth> hmmm...that's mildly erotic
<Sephiroth> in a lo-cal sort of way
#515093 (-702)
<Nori123> You don't know jack shit
<VioletSky> That's not true, I know him well
<Nori123> Haha
<VioletSky> I'm serious
<VioletSky> Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children
<VioletSky> Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
<VioletSky> However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
<VioletSky> She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
<VioletSky> Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
<VioletSky> The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
<VioletSky> Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
<VioletSky> So there.
<FiPo> LOL
<Nori123> I have actually chortled coke through my nose
#515134 (-868)
<MetalRox66> Could Jesus make a quote so funny that bash.org would not reject it?
#515363 (3157)
rhys_rhaven: I have pictures..thousands of them. but most are art...i got katies harddrive.
rhys_rhaven: ....
overlord_overkill2007: ah i se
rhys_rhaven: i dont understand how she can walk into a church
rhys_rhaven: tons, and tons, of slash
rhys_rhaven: gay guys, gay guys fucking, gay porn stories, guys on guys, guys kissing.
overlord_overkill2007: ewww
rhys_rhaven: guys humping guys, female ass domination, guy slaves, butt sex,
overlord_overkill2007: ewwwwwwww
rhys_rhaven: oh it gets worse. she has no file structure!!!!!
rhys_rhaven: what kind of sick woman doesnt organize her files?!!!
Daniel: EWWWWWWWW
#515407 (2685)
<KP> the admin just came over and asked me why my desktop looks like xp and what the hell i just did to his computer
<KP> leet hax was not an acceptable answer
#515469 (-252)
zippo4x4: ok then i just wasted 10 min
Asbestos: yeah you did
zippo4x4: i know im a dumbass
Asbestos: it happens
Asbestos: if jesus was real he'd love you
#515490 (799)
<Drogo> Don't trust the xbox 360
* Brandalf85 goes forward in time and gets 5 Xbox 360s
<Drogo> It's like those creatures in Chronicles of Riddick
<Drogo> You turn it on and all of a sudden "Your soul is miiiine"
<Drogo> You know what, next thing you know rob, the xbox makes you call your friend with a needle to your neck and you're like "Hey, Brandalf.. Would you like to come over and--- DONT COME BRANDALF! I mean. Brandalf, please come over and initiate in gameplay of the xbox 360"
<Brandalf85> LOL
<Rob> haha
<Brandalf85> i probably dont live anywhere near Rob :)
<Drogo> Then Brandalf comes over and he opens the door and it's like Dreamcatcher with the red except it's wires and blood and the door slams shut behind him and all of a sudden, a needle sticks into his neck
<Drogo> xbox 360 needs no memory card or hard drive either
<Drogo> you know why?
<Drogo> It saves to your brain
<Brandalf85> ....
<Brandalf85> =0
<Rob> haha
<Brandalf85> the horror
<Drogo> You're like "Oh... hey... Happy childhood memories.. NO! DONT SAVE THERE!"
#515496 (1638)
<Knighted_> goddammit
<Knighted_> why can't anything i think of turn out right?
<Knighted_> listerine + foot odour smells worse than just feet, and now my shoes are technically flammable
#515865 (-36)
<DarkNeo> Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?
<LongWongSilver> no
<DarkNeo> He tried to jump 50 niggers with a steamroller.
#516497 (1626)
<Linforcer> heh, I just told m girfriend I like my women like I like I like my programming
<MuStR>     logical?
<Linforcer> C++
<mkde>      LOL
<MuStR>     rofl are you serious?
#516599 (1020)
<@David> All of these kernel panics make this computer more secure.
<@David> The machine can't be hacked when it's down.
#516917 (273)
(@elusive_brob) XargoL
(@elusive_brob) I've got a hook-up-line for you
(+XargoL) oh?
(+XargoL) ;O
(@elusive_brob) "wanna play network? you're switch and i'm cable?"
(+XargoL) heh
(+XargoL) remember firewall
#518191 (795)
atomicmint2006: this whole project raped me in the butthole
dahlia: that's no good.
dahlia: butthole sex needes tenderness and lube.
atomicmint2006: yeah, well this project
atomicmint2006: used a sandpaper condom
#518353 (2188)
<lordpil> everyone freeze, this is an irc stickup. don't move or i'll DoS ya. gimme all the voice
<ZorbaTHut> don't hurt me, don't hurt me!
*** ZorbaTHut sets mode: +v lordpil
* lordpil runs away with the voice
*** Parts: lordpil
<ZorbaTHut> damn! he took our voice
<stevieo> ....
#518696 (2431)
<RustySpoon> Hahaha... I just came back from Phlanges girlfriend.
<Phloam> Wtf were you doing there? ffs man have some respect
<RustySpoon> Let\'s just say she was glad to see me
* Phlange is now afk
<RustySpoon> fuck when did he log on?
#519288 (628)
Phil (Penfold): 600/month each for a house is a lot of money
laurence: Uh, £400...
Phil (Penfold): 400?
laurence: 1200/3=400...
Phil (Penfold): oh right
* Phil (Penfold) had to use a calculator
Phil (Penfold): but forgot it was in hex
#519439 (-954)
mouAng: cuz im not perverted
mouAng: hahas
IllIllziroIllIll: say something perverted
IllIllziroIllIll: at least once
IllIllziroIllIll: like
IllIllziroIllIll: boobies
mouAng: ums okays
mouAng: toe
#519623 (1239)
<rom> if i was ever playing hide and go seek I would want Anne Frank on my team.
#519721 (138)
<strangeintp> anyone know what version ships with latest free Mangina distro?
<mpyne> bwahahaha
<pahli_bar> lol
<mpyne> s/Mangina/Mandriva/ maybe?
#519771 (1534)
<DrSeuss> My dad was calling me gay and shit.
<DrSeuss> He was like "Youre a stupid queer! You cant even get a girlfriend!"
<DrSeuss> Thats when I said "Shut up dad, you dont know anything about my life!"
<DrSeuss> ...
<DrSeuss> So I grabbed my pom poms and left :(
#520042 (1002)
<stargazr> yeah, the only reason i have a tv is cause i won it in a book reading contest
#520156 (2985)
<Sloyment> Don't type so fast. This channel looks like Tetris level 50
#520466 (2220)
<JadussD> all i can say is, the native americans could not have had better vengeance on americans than tobacco :|
<JadussD> hundreds of thousands of dead each year
<JadussD> "hey, we're going to enslave, decimate, relocate, and destroy your way of life."
<JadussD> "oh, okay. here, smoke this"
#520670 (8795)
random girl: hey!
me: ...hi?
me: who is this?
random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace
random girl: ur hot
me: thanks
random girl: np
me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
me: what should I do?
random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
me: oh alright
me: I have to go
me: my mom is kicking me off
me: bye
#520752 (1388)
<dodgo> what the fuck
<dodgo> school students demonstrating against copyright infringement?
<Count> mmm, it's like the poor demonstrating against food stamps and welfare