#946461 (1701)
<@joosa> how do you say float in java? just 1.5f?
<@Gliptic> FloatFactoryFactory.getInstance(FloatFactoryFactory.defaultInstanceDescriptionString).getFactory(Locale.getLocale("en-US")).createBuilder().setString("1.5").getResult()
#946520 (477)
Matt: I AM QUERY OPTIMIZATION GUY
Matt: AND THIS... IS MY QUERY
Andy: wha?... WHO TOUCH MY QUERY?!
Matt: WHO TOUCHED MY JOINS!!??
Matt: Some users think they can outsmart me.  Maybe... maybe.  I have yet to meet one who can outsmart LIMIT.
Matt: She weighs in at 300 lines of SQL and she searches 8 million rows per second.  It costs 24 billion machine cycles to run this query... for 12 seconds.
#946687 (604)
<h00k> making a twitter bot to watch a timeline of a certain (prominent public figure, politician) and tell him he had [x] amount of characters left when he tweets
<h00k> 'went 2 $place 2 talk about r jobs'
<h00k> Dear @personsname, you had [x] characters remaining and didn't have to shorten it so much. #pleasestop'
#946729 (225)
<@RATA> stupid women
<@RATA> "i wanna hang out but i dont have gas money"
<@RATA> thats slut for "spend your money on me"
#946740 (407)
<vanguard> i lie awake at night
<vanguard> thinking about how one day
<vanguard> buy some chance of dumb luck
<Redback> you will write your whole story on one line?
#946745 (1365)
<Vrooom> while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!"
#946779 (53)
<Faust> lol
<Faust> when sarah pailn wishes me happy new year it feels like a hate crime
<lumpy_> you arent a jew
<Faust> the fuck im not
<lumpy_> ive never seen you at the meetings
#947055 (1830)
<@gongoputch> so my 12 year old has been BEGGING me for a minecraft server. I told him 'OK', he said YEA!', I say 'but you have to install the OS (FreeBSD), configure it, set up a jail and generally learn enough to admin it.
<@gongoputch> he hates me now
<@gongoputch> BUT - he got it running :)
<@gongoputch> after it was going, he looked up at me and said 'This OS is the logical thing I have ever seen'
<@gongoputch> ... it's little moments like those ...
#947426 (413)
<megate> solve
<megate> The word has 7 letters, preceded by God, greater than God, more evil than the devil, and if you eat it, you will die.
<+Jigsy> Apple only has six letters.
#947444 (2501)
//
// Dear maintainer:
//
// Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine,
// and have realized what a terrible mistake that was,
// please increment the following counter as a warning
// to the next guy:
//
// total_hours_wasted_here = 25
//
#947449 (-192)
<blaxthos> so what are you guys doing for pedophile christmas^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hhalloween this year?
#947562 (1415)
<@red> so let me rephrase that
<@red> you showed up at work completely high on acid and your boss didnt fire you because he knows you code better when youre on drugs?
<@bl00e> pretty much
#947873 (84)
<+zubby> strawberry barium shake anyone?
* Heartsbane passes.
* zubby just did, too...
<+zubby> had me drink 2 24oz cups of it. fell in love with the nurse.
<+zubby> she kept pulling her phone out... i couldn't mimic...
<+zubby> she asked if i knew how to hack facebook cuz she 'likes to snoop'
* Heartsbane nods.
<+zubby> as we said our goodbyes she let her hair down and i swear it was in slow motion
<+zubby> should i have added the part that i'm shitting what appears to be milk and clay?
#947876 (2294)
<socket7> I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai girl. I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection.
<socket7> But she did :(
#947908 (889)
<Quizzer> Question 45: What are the first three digits of pi?
<emai420> pie
<emai420> p i e
<emai420> Pie
<emai420> P I E
<emai420> PIE
<emai420> PIE
<emai420> PIE
<Quizzer> Hint: 3.
<emai420> 3PIE
<emai420> 3 P I E
<emai420> 3pie
<Quizzer> Time's up, the answer was 3.14!
<emai420> this si retartet
#947918 (154)
< Maiden945> oh that reminds me, i got told a story about Jerub on the weekend :)
< dawnstar> it's probably true
< Maiden945> i was told about the time Jerub did a burnout (or tried to :P) out of a ex-gf's street while they were dating lol
< zero> he must have pedalled like crazy for that
#947920 (433)
<&Cenobite> I'd like to holiday in China
<&Cenobite> I want to see the great firewall
<+user> haha
<+user> you can see it from myspace
<+flying_purple_people_eater> lol
<&Cenobite> user: haha
#947980 (636)
<Brownie> That guy's such a nerd, his first words probably were "Hello World!"
#947988 (575)
<skydrome> man why are there so many diff aur packages of chromium :/ so confusing
<xhazk> skydrome: No manual entry for why are there so many diff aur packages of chromium :/ so confusing
#948110 (2037)
<Matt> A catholic priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar.
<Matt> He orders a beer.
#948243 (312)
Captain Morgan: I swear I'm going to kill whoever lives above me
Saiu: the chair again?
Captain Morgan: it's like he's playing ddr with combat boots
Captain Morgan: and jumping as hard as he can
Captain Morgan is now Away.
Saiu: uh-oh
#948253 (206)
<+GeoFrey> CINCINNATI - A court official in the U.S. says a 13-year-old boy charged with raping a 5-year-old girl at a McDonald's play area is denying the accusation.
<+GeoFrey> lol wtf?
<+farted> I'm lovin' it
#948269 (436)
<jeemer> you know, come to think of it i already have a 5 gallon aquarium
<jeemer> hundreds of billions of pets
<jeemer> i feed them malt and they shit out alcohol
<jeemer> its a pretty good system actually
#948420 (558)
<tfair> is there an amazon service that will have something delivered to you at a random point in the next month?
<tfair> or in the next year?
<dRdR> tfair: that's called USPS
#948428 (375)
Psyche: My roommate and her boyfriend broke up recently.
Psyche: This morning a moving truck came to get the boyfriend's stuff.
Psyche: On the side of the moving truck? It was an ad for a disaster cleanup company.