<T> When I went up to the checkout, the lady looked at me like I was crazy after she finished ringing me up
<T> I'm not sure if it's cause I spent $100 on fruit snacks, or if it was cause I had a sword
<T> Anyway, so I tie the bag handles around the hilt of the sword, cause there's too many bags to carry, and I set off down the road
<T> nobody tries to stop me
<T> I get about 3 of the 6-7 blocks towards home down when a police cruiser pulls up beside me and tells me to put everything down and put my hands on my head
<T> Luckily, as I've said before, the cops in the UC/Converse area are cool as shit
<T> It's only SAPD that sucks
<T> So the first thing the cop says is "Is that a weapon son?", to which I reply "It's a sword, officer"
<T> So, I reply "No officer, I just wanted some fruit snacks."
<T> Now he's really giving me a look, and puts his spotlight right in my eyes
<T> He says "Are you high son?"
<T> "No officer, just a little drunk."
<T> He's like "Alright, well since you've been honest with me, let's get you home. Let me see your ID."
<T> So I give him my driver's license, he tells me to hop in the back, and he takes me to my house and drops me off
<T> I ate an entire box of fruit snacks in the back seat of a police cruiser
<T> He even let me keep my sword
roadapathy: I had to find out how stupid girls are on my own.
< mhall119> it won't last long
< mhall119> curiousity will give way to confusion, then dislike
<gg> I just cut my hand with a knife while slicing a hotdog.
<@Sqozza> Awesome.
<gg> It happened because the phone rang. When I answered it, it was this clown I know named Steve.
<gg> He told me he had been to a graveyard and seen my name on six gravestones.
<gg> When I hung up the phone, I was surprised to notice my hand dripping blood faster than I'd anticipated from such a small wound.
<gg> Concerned, I bandaged the hand with a paper napkin, but realized there was butter on the napkin, and the butter had salt in it.
<gg> So, with a stinging hand, I ran cold water over the hand but the butter made the water slough off.
<gg> Then the doorbell rang.
<gg> I answered it. It was Steve again. He was holding a package for me and standing at a strange angle.
<gg> I took the package and slammed the door.
<gg> Opening the package, I noticed two things. 1) The package was unaddressed, and 2) my hand was still bleeding.
<@Sqozza> 3) Steve is awesome.
<gg> I ripped the package open and inside were five rusted nails and a jack rabbit's head.
<gg> I called Steve back, but he didn't answer.
<gg> Confused and bleeding, I tossed the box into the trash and sat back down on the couch to finish Dr. Who.
<TheBadShepperd> I knew this was going to end bad when you said you knew a clown.
<@Sqozza> Clowns these days
<gg> But the episode was strange. It was about to short people fighting over a rotten piece of meat.
<gg> The Dr. was nowhere to be seen.
<gg> I got out a T.V. Guide to see if I was mistaken about what I'd TiVo'd.
<@Sqozza> gg, maybe you were watching Jersey Shore instead
<gg> I wasn't. It was, indeed, Dr. Who. At least according to T.V. Guide.
<gg> I put the remote down and noticed that my hand was still bleeding.
<gg> Then I ate my hotdog.
<gg> Slowly.
* gg (Mibbit@205.204.48.221) has left #Terraria
<@Sqozza> What the fuck just happened
<Elliotw2> F
<IncoherentMoron> base 10, smartass
<david> things do get wild
<HorseZilla> rookie
<mike> lol
<HorseZilla> you need a battery
<HorseZilla> candle wax
<HorseZilla> chains and a cinder block
<HorseZilla> oh and that speed glide lube that brad used to sell
<david> calm down macgyver
<david> im getting freaky, not escaping a haitian prison
<HorseZilla> you two are in vegas
<HorseZilla> and youre still fucking around here
<HorseZilla> what the fuck is wrong with you two?
everbong: i almost got blowed up back in the day.. thats how i got the name everbong
MaxGripper: really?
MaxGripper: what happened?
everbong: this lady came up to a small group of us, saying something, and i was like "everbong?? wtf??" we started to walk away and she exploded
everbong: apparantly she was saying "i have a bomb" in fail english
<byron> and found these half-naked pictures of this girl I used to go out with
<byron> so I texted her, joking: "Hey, found you lingerie pictures on my email account. If you would like me to return them just give me your email address again pls"
<byron> and she actually texts me back with her email and a "thanks for returning them!"
<byron> what a stupid bitch
TheSlapOfGod: You know the Oslo shooter guy?
TheSlapOfGod: Someone was asking what song he was playing on his ipod when he was at the camp shooting people
TheSlapOfGod: And the FIRST GOD DAMN RESPONSE was "Let the bodies hit the FJORD"
lemonlimeskull: Was all fun and games for me until he called 911 about the 'black midget gang'.
Danktolker: Yeah, I went to one of their concert
CandyKillJoy: You're a fan?
Danktolker: Unfortunately something called a "mosh pit" broke out, which I misunderstood as a series of failed hug attempts
Danktolker: I was beaten rather severely after trying to join in
Danktolker: Learn from my mistakes, friends
<Dekoe> Me too brb, getting a lemonade and giving my dog a shag.
<FearlessSister> Can i watch?
<Dekoe> You'll need a mirror.
<Dekoe> ;-)
<FearlessSister> :-S
<blackc> we have been operating the donut model
<blackc> however, the donut model today jeeped, due to pothole
<kastein> NEED RAID 6
<blackc> so i did what you would do
<kastein> this raid5 tire setup is not sufficient
<blackc> i pulled the jeeped real tire out of the back (hot spare) and hit it as hard as i could with a wrench until it was close to round
<blackc> jon brought the air pump
<blackc> and we were in business
<kastein> hahahaha you used a wrench?
<kastein> that's great
<blackc> yes
<blackc> i lacked a hammer
<blackc> and guess what
<blackc> now i can drive to driving class!
<b> wtf? She is purple?
<onwsk8r>Holy buckets of fuck!
<onwsk8r>my neighbors that were leeching off my wireless must have fuckin moved or got their own internet or something.. No route to host.
<onwsk8r>I was keeping like 300 gigs of pr0n, movies, and some files for work that I didn't have room for on their computer!
<onwsk8r>I need an ARP for MAC addresses :(
<slifty> Because it's fucking in tents!
<SpaceCadet> BREATHE
<SpaceCadet> in through your nose, slowly exhale through your mouth
<SpaceCadet> BREATHE
<SpaceCadet> BREATHE
<RATA> IN THROUGH MY BONG
<RATA> OUT THROUGH MY MOUTH
<JackMcCornack> hehe ..
<JackMcCornack> So Botbasher hobbles into an ice cream shop and says to the gal behind the counter, <JackMcCornack> "I'm having a bad day, give me a rocky road ice cream cone with everything."
<JackMcCornack> "Crushed nuts?"
<JackMcCornack> "Yeah, I guess my walk gives it away. I got scalded too."
* GonzoRacer takes a bow
<Kanitaria> plus hes not helping with any of the dishes or laundry this week cause im home he figures i'll do it all
<Kanitaria> fml
<random4t4x14> Kanitaria: what the hell did he do to his penis?
<GCNinja> so that ^^^^^^^^^^
<Gollom> Masturbated too hard?
<GCNinja> dick punch?
<Gollom> Tried to ride a bannister down the stairs but misjudged?
<GCNinja> modify the cowboy position?
<Gollom> Naked jumping jacks infront of a hungry dog?
<random4t4x14> drunk masterbated, stood up and fell over on it?
<GCNinja> did you staple it to his stomach?
<random4t4x14> penacne?
<Kanitaria> he did it to himself, i didn't do anything
<GCNinja> mis alligned chisity belt?
<GCNinja> chastity*
<random4t4x14> vasectomy?
<Kanitaria> he grabbed a shitty condom last week and it caused to much much friction and he tore his frenulum then the other day he thought he was good to go and it made3 it worse
<Gollom> Stuck it in a pencil sharpener "just to see what it's like"
Wsr :We are like the blacks. When whites people tried to copy us, we changed. Fo shizzle ma nigga
<Psychofreak> Amazing how much more powerful imagination is than batteries.
<Anonymous Coward> Try telling that to my wife.
<SmilingDevil> Someone help me.
<Afforess> it was
<Afforess> the planes were inside the towers