#928788 (1336)
R4V: I really want to learn some C++
R4V: but the problem is
R4V: that there seems to be months of learning
R4V: before you can do ANYTHING usefull.
Shrum: it's kind of like a highschool girlfriend
#929420 (49)
< Utopiah> did a native English speaker recommended you this nickname?
< handjob> No. This is my mother's desktop. The nickname is taken from username.
#929424 (12)
<earth|drawing>: I've had sex on my period before xD
<earth|drawing>: that guy didn't mind tho.
<earth|drawing>: but he was a pig, so yeah.
<FW>: You had period sex with a WHAT?!
<earth|drawing>: okay, I'm NOT IMPLYING that I had sex with animals, RIGHT? D:
#929905 (2483)
<MindSpark> So the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration
<MindSpark> After handing them to him , he asks who the car belongs to
<MindSpark> I tell him it's my wifes
<MindSpark> He asks if I have an authorization, because you have to have some proof that you're allowed to ride a car that's not yours
<MindSpark> I go "Sir, I ride the OWNER of this car personally with no authorization, do you really expect me to have an authorization to ride her car ?"
<MindSpark> Officer hands me back the papers in silence and salutes me
#930436 (940)
<@bhaak> commit early, commit often
<@bhaak> kids, that is only sound advice for programming, not for marriage!
< kerio> there's no rollback in marriage, only blame
#930784 (503)
<mindbomb> anytime anyone refers to themselves as a 'foodie' I want to knock their fucking teeth out
<mindbomb> oh you like to eat food that tastes good? congratufuckinglations
<mindbomb> blog about it
#930885 (2845)
<@whm> "A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass. The  doctors described his condition as stable."
#931223 (632)
<Cthon98> so I waited until my friend bought a box of timbits and got back in the car
<Cthon98> (timbits being "donut holes" or whatever you yanks call them)
<Cthon98> and just as he was about to bit into one, I say
<Cthon98> "you ever notice how those look just like creamy shaved nuts?"
<Cthon98> so I now have a free box of timbits.
#931621 (1479)
<Kasran> did Jesus heal a bunch of people? Possibly
<Kasran> also apparently he was sin-free
<Kasran> but we don't hear much about his ciildhood
<Kasran> it's just
<Kasran> 1. Birth
<Kasran> 2. ???
<Kasran> 3. Prophet!
#932225 (882)
<axle345> I mean seriosuly guys holocaust jokes aren't funny
<axle345> Anne Frankly, I won't stand for it.
#933542 (868)
<Brianith> They're the same type of people that think because I know computers, that I'm a hacker. And because I'm a hacker, I can use a computer to tell their refrigerator to sprout legs, walk to me, and tell me their credit card numbers.
#934304 (1806)
<Pwnz0rz> What do you guys do after sex?
<D3v1lm4n> i like to cuddle with her
<Haxorz> i leave
<Dragneel> i Bury her again
#934554 (1172)
<Vigrel> Woah, if my shit was a nuke aimed at Hiroshima, Russia would get blown up
<Kor1413> It was That big?
<Vigrel> No, i missed.
#935407 (-127)
<dipstick> I see uranus
<DoubleDragonIII> they discovered a new planet, its so huge that earth seems as small as a golf ball
<DoubleDragonIII> its called urmom
#936597 (1006)
Stranger: I'm Mary. What's your name?
You: Eric.
Stranger: So, Eric, where are you from?
You: USA, you?
Stranger: China
You: Your name is Mary? That's not a Chinese name.
Stranger: My Chinese name is Xiong Chaofeng.
You: Alright, Mary it is...
#936686 (327)
<bahithnko> Girls are like Golf
<Moogle> whats golf
<bahithnko> Its a game where you gotta get your balls in a hole without hitting them much
#936782 (1105)
<+Kilonum> DID I MENTION I WAS MOLESTED? I'M PRETTY SURE I DID, ONCE OR TWICE, BUT YOU DID NOT OFFER TO DISCUSS THE MATTER WITH ME. LET'S HAVE A NICE QUIET DINNER AND HAVE A FRANK DISCUSSION ABOUT MY MOTHER'S BOYFRIEND'S DONG AND HOW HE PUT IT IN MY MOUTH AND ASS NOW AND THEN. ANYWAY, I'M CLEARLY THE VICTIM HERE AND THAT'S WHY I DON'T SUCK DICK. HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.
<+Snickers> ... o.O
<+Kilonum> woops
<+Kilonum> wrong paste
<+Wormdundee> when is that ever the right paste
#937078 (2069)
<Pongball> Religion is like a penis.
<Pongball> It's fine to have one.
<Pongball> It's fine to be proud of it.
<Pongball> But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around.
<Pongball> And PLEASE don't try to shove it down children's throats.
#937383 (1508)
<woodenleg> what should i get my gf for her birthday?
<spherXz> your virginity
<woodenleg> lol, something i haven't already given her?
<spherXz> an orgasm
<woodenleg> i'll ask someone else...
#937420 (394)
<xved> I turned on some trance radio, and now I want to code
<thomashc> I turned on Laura Pausini and now I want to fap!
<Tekk_> I turned on glen beck
<Tekk_> and now I want to die
#937505 (14)
JerrysCatTom: whenever i get out of the shower i have a habit of writing... well... drawing things in the mirror for the next person to see.... dinosaurs, ghosts, monsters, you know the usual... but this time, i went to the bathroom, and my mom had just taken a shower... so i look at the fogged up window, and write "look down" with arrows pointing downwards. we have the curtins covering the lower half of the window, so after you pull them aside you see another ghost with sharp teeth saying, "BOO!!"... god my parents are gonna think i smoke pot... :/
#937563 (1200)
<Kattar> jesus christ my dish washer sounds like it's going to explode
<Kattar> I have never heard a dish washer make sounds like this before
<Arkantos> Better take her to a hospital
#937945 (879)
Yarrow: Ok, this is weird. My sim brought a friend home from work. They turned out to be very compatible, and are now making out...
Prince_Herb: What's weird about that?
Yarrow: They're still wearing their work outfits and are llama mascots for the local sport team.
#937988 (1663)
<+ChubZee> i was watching telly this morning before i went to work
<+ChubZee> and there was a discussion on about a charity that deals with teenage pregnancy
<+ChubZee> which is a huge problem in the uk
<+FCN|M0rlock> i can imagine
<+ChubZee> and they're advocating anal sex as a form of contraception
<+ChubZee> (which i'm all for)
<+ChubZee> and their tag line is "one up the bum and you won't be a mum"
<+ChubZee> i was almost dying laughing
#938534 (354)
Brendan: my logger isn't working :-/
Tim: permissions?
Brendan: doh
Brendan: yeah, 666 fixed that
Tim: the devil, you say