<Kin68ling> until people realized that they can pump their own gas?
<Kin68ling> until people realized that they can pump their own gas?
WordsLikeVenom: i'd hit it so hard, if you pulled me out you'd be the king of britain
<distressp> don't fuck around
<distressp> i was adopted
<distressp> i live in constant fear of accidentally fucking a relative
<Kuiper> In Star Trek, whenever there are torpedoes or phaser fire hitting a ship, you can hear the explosions even though they're in space. How is that "real physics?"
<omega> in space, explosions are actually louder
<omega> because there is no air to get in the way
<omega> dumbass
<FossZombie> quote "so you are 23 years old right?" me: "yes" them: "did you have any programming experiance in the 1970s"
* Wolfed hails FossZombie
<FossZombie> I'm tempted to say yes
<Wolfed> It would have been interesting.
<FossZombie> Yes in 1971 I was the lead computer scientist for the military, until 1975 when I switched jobs and worked for zenith for a short period of time until 1980s when I switched over to the atari group programming team. In 1984 I was born and that pretty much ended my career as a programmer.
<FossZombie> I spent the next three years shitting myself and learning how to speak and learn my ABCs
<griff> you could feed some kid in africa for TEN YEARS for that couch
<Mo> but could you sit on him afterward?
<twentyonegrams> that's like kid with one leg making fun of a kid with one arm
Recaro: Shit how'd you get home man?
Tazoa: I fiberglassed it back together. turns out differential oil passes right through fiberglass.
Recaro: Sounds about right
Tazoa: so I popped it back open and pushed some bananas in there to thicken the mixture. Long story short i drove 700 miles with two bananas in my rear end.
<^Migs^> e.g., if you block YouTube, host your own media sharing site.
<^Migs^> if you block Myspace or Facebook, host your own social network
<^Migs^> etc.
<tensai> if you block porn, host your own naked pictures
<glyph> If the answer to the latter question is "to knock my grandmother's head off to let out the evil spirits that gave her cancer", then maybe the problem is actually unrelated to jackhammers
<Kilts> wtf lol
<Poyzin> But listen! This was a racehorse, so the owner says that I need to massage it's prostate. I'm assuming you don't know this, but the prostate on a horse is VERY fucking far back there.
<Poyzin> So, I get on the arm-length glove and I look in the room to see another doctor with a cat or something. Tells me we had too many animals so the horse was moved to a room close to the front.
<Poyzin> Well, I get there, and I put my arm in this horse's ass. I'm talkin' less than a foot from my shoulder deep. All in clear view.
<Kilts> ROFLMAO
<Poyzin> And then some redneck couple come in and they see me because this front room has shit protection on it.
<Poyzin> "You a vet?" The guy ask. I wait a few seconds to see if he was joking, but then I look back to the horse's asshole.
<Poyzin> "Nah, I'm with the Amish. I'm their mechanic."
<philtwo> only get to feast upon this delicacy when the wife's not around
<PhrkOnLsh> women, eh?
<philtwo> indeed
<philtwo> some men cheat on their wives in their absense... I eat clams in a can
< Magus|Screen> Trying to think of an analogy for a problem this customer's having
< Magus|Screen> "Trying to predict loads on the shared servers is like trying to make a Jew eat pork"
< Magus|Screen> Almost said it
-About 3 minutes later-
<Yodo> Woot 1000 spins
<Yodo> This game needs highscore table and ingame chat
<Devildrake> Dude wtf, it's a shock site, not a game...
<Yodo> Oh...
<bender> what happened?
<Domsey> you know, there was a party at my neighbours' last night
<bender> yeah, you've been fucking drunk..
<Domsey> you've been there, too?
<bender> sure...
<Domsey> well, you see i can't remember anything
<Domsey> but this morning I woke up in my bed, and there was my mom lying next to me.
<bender> wtf...?
<Domsey> That's exactly what i thought
<Domsey> So, my mom got up instantly when i woke up, smiled at me and said "U're so much better than your dad is." then she left the room
<bender> OMFG!!!
<bender> you didnt do that! TELL ME IT WASNT LIKE THAT!!! TELL ME YOU'RE A DUMBASS LIAR!!!
<Domsey> no, i'm not lying
<bender> OMG!!!
<Domsey> but it turned out she was playing a trick on me. Paycheck for coming home late, all drunk.
<bender> ...
<bender> your mom's such a freak. o.O
<Megistos> it was a mIRC script that allowed us to remotely execute mIRC commands
<Megistos> what a fool
<Megistos> At first we just made him say stuff in channels
<Megistos> then we realised mIRC could talk to the whole system with /run
<Megistos> hence this immortal line
<Shiyiya> Heh
<Megistos> <lbal> wtf, i come back from css to find 63 calculators open
<Shiyiya> lmao
Jason says: wtf, is that what women call "fuck friends" These days?
Brianna says: no!
Jason says: well maybe he's "cuddling" with someone else
Brianna says: fuck you
<zaim> their numbers resolved to a name
<Matty> A little bored this afternoon
<Matty> Thought i'd do an exercise on leasing versus renting
<UG> indeed
<Matty> Paul Macartney is my subject
<Matty> I note according to reports he paid 49million dollars to heather mills for 5 years or marriage?
<Matty> Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year relationship (which lets be honest, probably didnt happen) it would end up costing him $26,849 per time.
<Matty> Heather aint exactly the best looking bird
<UG> then he's a dumbfuck :)
<Matty> Now i also note, Elliot Spitzers call girl, Kristen, an absolute stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000 an hour. For anything..
<Matty> Had Paul McCartney 'employed' Kristen for 5 years, he would've paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years (a saving of $41.7 million).
<Matty> Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a headache, plays all requests, ability to put BOTH legs around you (!!!), no bitching and complaining or 'to do' lists. Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back when you ask her. All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees
<Matty> Sometimes renting makes far more sense..
imarock: can you build cars with roads?
<djahandarie> we're here to do c-s-e on the w-e-b
<djahandarie> listen to me spit these rhymes
<djahandarie> while i program lines
<djahandarie> and commit web accessibility crimes
<djahandarie> word, son
<http402> You talk like your big on these I-Net kicks,
<http402> But your shit flows slower than a two-eighty-six.
<http402> I'm tracking down hosts and nmap scans,
<http402> While Code Igniter's got you wringing your hands.
<http402> Cut the crap rap,
<http402> Or I'll run ettercap,
<http402> Grab your AIM chat,
<http402> N' send a PC bitch-slap!
<http402> peace
<djahandarie> you're talkin bout down hosts and nmap scans
<djahandarie> while i got other plans
<djahandarie> you're at your new job, but you can't even do it right
<djahandarie> you just create a plight with your http rewrites
<djahandarie> i've been on the web since the age of three
<djahandarie> you just got on directly off the bus from mississippi
<djahandarie> respect yo' elders, bitch
<http402> You've been webbin' since three, but still ain't grown up,
<http402> Gotta update your config and send the brain a SIGHUP.
<http402> You say you're that old? No wonder you're slow!
<http402> You're knocking at the door while I run this show!
<http402> Elders my ass, you're shit's still in school,
<http402> Hunt and pecking at the keyboard like a spaghetti-damned fool,
<http402> Rim-riffing your hard drive like a tool,
<http402> Face it. I rule.
<djahandarie> i erase my harddrives with magnets (bitch)
<djahandarie> all you can do is troll on the fagnets
<djahandarie> and son, my brain's wrapped in a nohup
<djahandarie> it wont be hurt by the words you throwup
<djahandarie> dont mind me while i emerge my ownage
<djahandarie> while you're still over there apt-getting your porridge
<djahandarie> you say i'm still in school
<djahandarie> but the fact is that i know the rule
<djahandarie> cuz you need to go back to grade three
<djahandarie> and you better plea, that they take sucky graduates from c-s-e
<http402> Time to bend over and apply a patch,
<http402> Your brain's throwing static like a CD with a scratch.
<http402> Your connection got nuked and you've met your match.
<http402> You run a single process like a VAX with a batch.
<http402> I'd pass the torch to a real winner
<http402> But it'd just scorch a while-loop spinner
<http402> Caught in a loop that you cant escape,
<http402> I run clock cycles around your words and flows,
<http402> Cuz your rhyme is like a PS fan: it' blows,
<http402> Your water-cooled lyrics leak and it shows,
<http402> Take your ass back to alt.paid.for.windows.
<djahandarie> Good god, I can't even respond to that. :P
<djahandarie> You win haha
* http402 takes a bow
<ddubb> or, in code form:
<ddubb> if (!getLAid()) dropLoad();
<ddubb> line 525 of software that ships tomorrow.
<ddubb> my work here is done.