#873360 (1443)
Britt: I do have a boyfriend, his name's Scotty, and I touch him ;)
Frag_Fandango: Dare you to ask him for anal sex with the line 'Ream Me Up, Scotty'
#873365 (598)
<Artifice> Most people using that logic probably would phrase it differently. "Digits" is a fancy word
<_kw> yeah, use 'numbers' instead
* MachinShi (~vat@cpe-76-95-36-105.socal.res.rr.com) Quit (Quit: Leaving)
<NoGods> Yup.
<JFalcon> really? "She used her digits to arouse herself" vs. "She used numbers to arouse herself".  One changes a simple pleasing into an orgy.
<_kw> you have a sick mind
<Artifice> Really? I was thinking math inclined librarian in the second one
<_kw> GOOD MAN
#873368 (765)
<Soichiro> According to imdb, there was nudity, sex, much rape, and a haunted dildo
<Merines> I know what I'm going to be for Halloween now
#873373 (6641)
Josh: QUESTION FOR EVERYONE....
SecureXeC: IT'S TO THE LEFT OF YOUR 'A' KEY.
#873379 (1954)
<Gargantua> I use php and c
<twat> I use pcp and H.
#873382 (3568)
<arkan> You know, you really ought to have a bra with 403: forbidden on it.
<Labyrinth> And you really ought to have a pair of boxers with 404: not found.
#873806 (533)
<Y\N> irc is just a google frontend with more insults
#873929 (468)
Mahnamahnah: mssql is to the linux tech what a butt plug is to the straight guy.......pointless, a laugh or downright offensive and in a nightmare situation a pain in the ass
#874125 (486)
<Phoenix> what should i do a human factors research paper about?
<Neal> catgirls
<Phoenix> well, coincidentally I also have to do a Japanese thesis paper
<Phoenix> and writing about anime/manga/catgirls/mawaii would be not at all out of line with what all the other undergrads in the major are doing for their SENIOR THESIS, and so it's really no wonder that the department head no longer gives a flying fuck about any of his students
<Neal> my thesis is on why the escalation of power in dragon ball z is unrealistic
<Phoenix> with the exception of Goku*
<Neal> my thesis is FRIEZA SUX!!!!!
<Phoenix> Working from the equation PowLev(X+1) = PowLev(X) * 1.10, I find it illogical that two super seiyan's with respective levels 100,000 and 500,000 should be able to subdue another super seiyan with power level 750,000
<Phoenix> From that perspective, this paper attempts to repudiate the outcome of the Battle of Dragon Mount and propose an alternate ending to the Dragon Ball Z saga
#874140 (792)
<QuackFuzed> you wont answer stupid questions posed by stupid people anyways, so what's the worry?
<[CJ]> i won't answer that
#874275 (649)
(Bucks) do you hate midgets?
(@Fantasy) yep, I blame that evil midget in rehab
(refused) no rehab is complete without an evil midget
(@Fantasy) headbutted me in the balls
(refused) LOL
(@Fantasy) and he was the perfect height
(refused) rofl
(Bucks) rofl
(@Fantasy) his head was literally crotch height
(refused) who the fuck even does that
(@Fantasy) that midget
(refused) ... yeah obviously... but come on.
(@Fantasy) after you spend a month making midget jokes
(refused) lol
(@Fantasy) to a cocaine addict in rehab
(@Fantasy) then on family/friends day having all your friends make fun of his midget kind
(@Fantasy) he came up and said something like "stop shitting, dog"
(refused) you kinda deserved it then
(@Fantasy) I laughed
(@Fantasy) he said you want to start something
(@Fantasy) I said say it to my face
(@Fantasy) and LAUGHED
(@Fantasy) he headbutted me in the balls
(@Fantasy) I was on the ground
(refused) yeah of course
(@Fantasy) crying
(refused) I'd give that fucking midget a medal
(@Fantasy) so he squatted down and said "stop messing with me"
(@Fantasy) right in my face
(Bucks) what an wesome midget
(@Fantasy) had to get a new roomate after that
(@Fantasy) since the midget was my roomate
(@Fantasy) and since then I've been afraid of midgets
#874353 (2978)
yetiamchosen: So the only part about this curse of recruiting potentials for the marine corps that isn't utterly miserable is fucking with the people that have already signed up. Now, we don't want to scare them off entirely, so we can't just sit there and be like, "You're going to die in bootcamp!" But we can be completely insane with each other in front of them, and let them draw that conclusion on their own. So we're told to take the poolees on a 1.5 mile run today. No staff nco's there, so we're like, "Fuckit. There's two recruits, there's eight of us ... four mile run." So we start running and I had just had a monster energy drink, the lo ball kind, which is red. That's a dumbass's recipe for disaster, but I really wanted one so I had one anyway. It dehydrates you, gives you cramps, and makes you puke. So we've been running like half a mile and without breaking pace I casually puke onto the side of the road, and keep running. Among marines this is normal behavior, so no one even says anything, but the recuruit is looking like, "Wtf, did that guy just puke without stopping?"
geekryan: lol
yetiamchosen: And he's like, "Dude! Are you alright!" I'm like, "KEEP RUNNING!" and I speed up a little bit, chuckling inside. And then it really hits me and I'm like, going full speed, just hurling all over the side of the road, wiping my mouth, running, hurling and he looks at the puke and he goes, "OH MY GOD ARE YOU PUKING BLOOD!"
geekryan: HAHAHAHA
yetiamchosen: And I go, "THAT'S NOT BLOOD IT'S CONFIDENCE AAAAGGGHHHHH!!!" And I just blast off like a little red streaming rocket ship. I look behind me and this kid seriously look like he's just about to piss his pants, like, "Oh my god, what the fuck have I gotten myself into?" I got up to the front and this marine looks at me and goes, "Were you really puking up blood?" I'm like, "No devil, it's monster," and he just laughs, he's like, "You're going to hell."
yetiamchosen: That's it. I was chuckling inside all the way home.
geekryan: that really is awesome
geekryan: I can't imagine how freaked out that recruit was
yetiamchosen: I hope he doesn't sleep well again until he gets to boot camp.
#874805 (1364)
<MurderMachine> So did I ever tell you the story of how my parents met?
<DryBones> Nope.
<MurderMachine> Well, there are two versions I guess.
<DryBones> How?
<MurderMachine> The story my Mum tells is: A group of idiots pushed her over while ice skating and my Dad heroically went over and helped her up.
<MurderMachine> The story my Dad tells is: He paid a group of idiots to go push her over so he could go heroically help her up.
<DryBones> ROFL
<MurderMachine> I have been paid not to tell her.
#874923 (880)
kawiz: being gay would be no problem with me
twins421: ..why
kawiz: its like... digging for water in a different spot in the desert
kawiz: sure, it's different... but you're still not gonna get any
twins421: ...............
twins421: wow
twins421: just ..wow
kawiz: i know
kawiz: i have profound analogies
#874972 (430)
<Chris281>Dude, i had a really weird dream last night
<Chris281>I kept dreaming that all of my data was lost because my harddrives crashed
<Chris281>And my backups were nowhere to be found, so the situation was fubar
<Chris281>So I woke up, soaked in sweat and checked whether my backupjob was running
<Chris281>And it wasn't because for some reason the LTO drive was jammed
<Vantheman>It's the classic nerd-shining
#874987 (1463)
<imp0rt> guys i got some new spanish neighbours anyone know some spanish?
<niiiiike> im fluent :D
<imp0rt> K can you help me say
<imp0rt> I would like to welcome you to our neighbourhood
<imp0rt> sounds cheesy i know but they got some hot daughter :P
<niiiiike> erm..
<niiiiike> Me gustaria chupar los senos de su hija
<imp0rt> You sreious?
<niiiiike> Yeh, got it off translater tho XD
<imp0rt> K ty :)
<imp0rt> brb daughter flirting time ;)
*** Imp0rt has Quit IRC (QUIT: getting spanish pussy)
<|t34b4gg1n|> That isn't right is it?
<niiiiike> Course not XD it means i wanna suck on you daughters tits ahahahha
<|t34b4gg1n|> You, sir are evil XD
about 10 minutes later
*** Imp0rt has joined #Rand
<imp0rt> Fuck you nike fuckin tellin me bullshit
<niiiiike> WHAT?!?! Man you must have pronouned something wrong
<niiiiike> cos like
<niiiiike> if you say "sen" "os" it means somethin like rubbish
<niiiiike> so you would've insulted their house
<niiiiike> its pronouned
<niiiiike> "sien" "yos"
<imp0rt> oh, i didn't know :\
<imp0rt> ima go tell em again, hopefully they'll understand
*** Imp0rt has Quit IRC (QUIT: 2nd time)
<|t34b4gg1n|> i almosts feel sorry for him
<niiiiike> not me.
#875076 (27)
<@beastathon> 1440x2160, thats pretty big resolution
<@nondescript> why do you need a big resolution for child porn
<@nondescript> kids are pretty small
#875125 (146)
<plot> like they think somethings wrong with being gay
<plot> so they join the preisthood to try to combat it
<plot> but give into their urges anyways
<plot> and their urges end up all over the face of a 12 year old alterboy
#875134 (646)
chickcorea1357: i was so high that the fractal elves started asking me what the hell I had been smoking
#875247 (1415)
<bossan> When I die, I want my last words to be some harsh call that will haunt some poor bastard forever. Like, just say to the doctor "your shirt is terrible; one of us will have to go", then die.
#875282 (1833)
<Sebas> I want to start a band without drums or bass guitars. We'll call ourselves The Beatless.
#875367 (499)
* Omnifrog finds a flat thing to pass out on
<pastafareye> Kansas?
<IronAngel> moms chest?
<pastafareye> Bush's EEG?
<pastafareye> Cheney's EKG?
<IronAngel> obamas abs?
#875590 (664)
<_yoda_> I met two people from irc
<_yoda_> both were loser/weirdos
<_yoda_> the moral of the story is most ppl on irc are losers/weirdos
<amorfati> that's not really a large enough sample to draw any conclusions from
<amorfati> maybe you just got lucky
<amorfati> next person you meet might be a full-fledged psycho :D
#875634 (6)
<MrEcho> Once I got out of the AF I stopped overclocking
< cor_vi> you lost the need, the need for speed?
#875652 (867)
MisVampyre: i'm so outta questions....i'm horrible at asking them
rhys_rhaven: questions are cute
rhys_rhaven: but the real way to understand a person is simple
rhys_rhaven: you wind a cord around the top of the biggest pair of stairs you can find
rhys_rhaven: and then you wait till a person is about to walk down the stairs, where they will obviously trip and have horrible things happen to them
rhys_rhaven: and then you walk 20 feet way. and you put a thing of frozen bacon in a skillet
rhys_rhaven: and you make the skillet so it can only be heated by a locked drum underneath it, which can be lit only by a single pilot light, which you then line with det cord trailing to a small mortar next to it. which you fill with kittens
rhys_rhaven: hungry, meowing kittens
MisVampyre: oh. my. god.
rhys_rhaven: And lastly you put a timer on the  on the propane for  the bacon. So they have a choice
rhys_rhaven: save the person
rhys_rhaven: save the kittens
rhys_rhaven: or eat the bacon
MisVampyre: you're awesome
MisVampyre: omg..eat the bacon
rhys_rhaven: Thats it. I love you