#787031 (3187)
<obm>If they make a Nano Iphone, I may be interested.
<obm>oh, or an iphone shuffle, no screen and it phones random people
#787734 (985)
Trey: for some reason IE is throwing a SHIT-FIT about where I'm using
document.getElementById("displayBoardSelector").innerHTML = html;
what the hell. explain your stupid browser.
Dakk12: did you properly light your incense?
Dakk12: in what order did you do the chant and throw the chicken bones?
#788112 (1566)
<Macko> helping out another customer with pc problems on the phone again today
<Macko> after he gave me his specs i told him "hold on for a second"
<Macko> three seconds later he's like, "ok, that turned my computer off"
#788118 (1068)
<michaelbunnyexclusivedazzo2004> good if you like to asked me anything pleazse feel free to asked ok? i have noi oproblem with communitcating
<michaelbunnyexclusivedazzo2004> with othere's here
<Cid> ...I think that's a matter of opinion.
#788340 (893)
<Aurin> Which reminds me of a tragic event that happened to me yesterday in a second-hand store
<Aurin> I found this Pikachu-suit intended for kids, but I swear it looked like I could wear it
<Aurin> So I take it with me and go to see if it would fit
<Rhys> and it turns out it has detachable buttflaps for anal sex?
<Aurin> Well, the rooms in second-hand stores are just like a corner behind a curtain
<Aurin> I tried it on and noticed it was too small
<Aurin> And it looked horribly, HORRIBLY wrong
<Aurin> Going in my butt and the sorts :<
<Rhys> pika g string
<Rhys> ^^;;
<Rhys> electric sex..?
<Aurin> Well, I was giggling at myself when I hear the voice of a shopping trolley, coming closer
<Aurin> *sound
<Nevada> haha
<Aurin> Then a voice of an old lady asking "IS ANYBODY THERE?!?"
<Aurin> And the curtain is ripped open
<Aurin> That was the most humble moment in my entire lifetime.
#788562 (258)
bitshifted: i just dropped a macbook power supply on my foot... and all my mother could think to do was quote that commerical where PC trips over his power cord and breaks his leg and Mac is fine because his has a smooooth disconnection
bitshifted: hi, i'm a linux box, and i... i can't feel my toes :(
#789044 (893)
soulmata: i wish i could get rid of my nuthair permanently
Caffeine_: get the laser hair removal
soulmata: sure lets point a laser at my cock
#789185 (2932)
<Belial`> you still cant say anything with certainty though
<Belial`> since the bible has like, a fucking black hole between jesus being a kid and his preaching days
<Catoptromancy> Phase 1, birth
<Catoptromancy> Phase 2, ???
<Catoptromancy> Phase 3, Prophet
#789230 (1456)
<Tal> Psh
<Tal> Our chem teacher said it didn't really matter how we titled the graphs and tables in our semester prac
<Tal> but i still lost marks for having a Table of +2 Undead Slaying and Graph of Destiny :(
#789240 (462)
< esper> you are being monitored
* esper throws a CRT.
< fenrir> Your father's LCD monitor... an elegant weapon, for a more civilized age
#789388 (1513)
<Duskmon> It must have blown to be one of the first outsiders to convert to Christianity.
<Duskmon> Like, you're reading through the Bible for the first time, and then a bunch of Hebrews burst into your Church shouting "CAIN KILLS ABEL IN GENESIS FOUR VERSE EIGHT!"
#789672 (2513)
grosslack: Hell is a place of everlasting damnation and fire.
locokamil: Your belief system is thermodynamically unsound.
#789709 (1663)
<xchlathx> "Dumbledore returns from the dead and declares it to be hammertime, Harry proceeds to break it down, Voldemort is unable to touch this."
#789761 (214)
<@plik> when life hands you lemons...
<redmatch> bring out the bacardi cola ?
#790133 (11933)
<third_planet> The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home.
<third-planet> So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car.
<third-planet> We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot..
<Mr-Butlertron> The logic is all there...
<third-planet> I know, it was a ridiculous idea. We were just desperate and that was the first place to pull off..
<third-planet> So we park in the back of the parking lot under this tree, and it's dark out, so we figure we're secluded enough. We start to light up and a cop pulls in. So we both sit really still and hope the cop will think the car is empty and just parked there. Or that he won't notice.
<third-planet> The cop circles the parking lot once, then parks behind us and we're both freaking out. So Bobby, my friend, takes all the pot and shoves it in the glove compartment. But the car smells like pot, so we figure we're busted.
<third-planet> So Bobby says we've gotta distract the cop from the pot. In a huge flash, he rips his shirt off, undoes my pants and sticks his hand inside. Before I can process what's happening, the cop knocks on my window. Then he looks in and sees Bobby shirtless, with his hand down my pants and turns bright red.
<third-planet> I roll my window down and the cop says in this really flustered voice, his face bright red, "you guys be good now" and walks quickly back to his car and drives off.
<third-planet> He didn't even notice the smell of pot.
<third-planet> We drove home in the most uncomfortable fucking silence ever.
#790290 (-256)
<biot> somedays I want telekenesis
<demoncow> you're already telepathetic
#790334 (697)
crwuidth: It's going to be hilarious if i ever live long enough to have grandchildren.
crwuidth: "Wait, Gramps, so you guys used to drink ethyl alcohol? Isn't that what's in jet fuel?" "Yep. Great stuff, that. Shame they banned it when the synthetic stuff got made." "Wasn't it bad for you, drinking jet fuel?" "Made you feel like hell the next morning if you got hold of too much, that's for sure."
crwuidth: they may be psychics and cyborgs and shit, but we are going to be hardcore in ways our grandkids could never dream of being.
#790686 (502)
RadioMatthew:  LimeWire is like committing a solo crime.
RadioMatthew:  Torrenting is like being a part of the mafia.
#790689 (1327)
< evoxy> can anyone recommend a good php tutorial?
< Dynom> evoxy: goodphptutorials.com
< evoxy> lol i thought it was a bogus url
< Dynom> it works?
< Dynom> :-| wtf
#791077 (875)
(oxie) i want a dog
(+AlsoMike) why do you want a dog?
(oxie) dogs are cool
(+AlsoMike) but do you want a hairy, sometimes smelly friend who bums all his food and accomodation off you and defecates on your bedroom floor?
(oxie) yes ;)
(+AlsoMike) i'll move in tomorrow.
#791482 (4675)
<Snausages> So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar.
<Snausages> And the bartender says,
<Snausages> "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."
<Myke> That struck a chord.
<Snausages> Careful with those puns, you'll get in treble.
<Myke> But they're key to my humour.
<Myke> And very noteworthy.
#791769 (1498)
<SinTax> I did something today that nobody will be able to do ever again so long as the earth rotates.
<SinTax> I work at a hardware store. The truck had just come in, and we're unloading the junk from it. It's a lot of work. I was called over to help, so I drank all of my supersweet, very hot coffee in like two gulps.
<SinTax> About an hour later, after we're all done, I began to feel really sick from all the coffee, like I was going to throw up at any time. I just sort of stick it out though, because I don't want to look weak to the other hardware guys. They've got me outmuscled by like twenty pounds apiece.
<mInmAx> mmhm
<SinTax> I'm cleaning in the aisles, and some old woman walks up to me with her eight year old girl, asking me where the lightbulbs are.
<SinTax> The little girl is screaming for something on the little toy display while I'm trying to tell this old woman (Who did not seem to understand that we don't sell lightbulbs.)
<gorg> lol old people
<SinTax> and this girl is making a ruckus, running everywhere. I'm on my third explanation for our lack of lightbulbs, trying to keep the coffee in, when this girl slams the hell into me while she's running around.
<SinTax> I couldn't hold it in any longer, and I pretty much covered this screaming child in piping hot coffee and a sludgy mass of granola while her grandmother went off in the direction of our stockrooms to look for lightbulbs.
<SinTax> It was definitely worth the twenty something job applications I now have to write up all over again.
#792106 (1175)
<+Inca> Lydia: Why did George Bush cross the road?
<+Inca> Lydia: Because his penis was stuck in the chicken!
<+Inca> I have strange friends
<+spock1104> he fucked the chicken and didn't have an exit strategy >_>
#792343 (2663)
<SaxxonPike> mmm, steak
<SLASHSPIT> you guys don't respect the environment, do you?
<SaxxonPike> I respect a good dinner
<SLASHSPIT> how can you eat that? cows are like one of the largest contributors of methane gas
<SLASHSPIT> which contributes to global warming and stuff
<SLASHSPIT> so what are you all doing for the environment?
<SaxxonPike> I eat the fucking cows
#792888 (2037)
<Claws> Disabled people are the greatest.
<Claws> I have a friend who is in a wheel chair and he has the most awesome sense of humour ever.
<Claws> The other day two of my other friends were having an argument about something trivial, one of them turned to him and said "You'll stand up for me won't you"
<Claws> He just looked him straight in the eye and with the straightest face you'll ever see, said "Only if your name's Jesus"