#762169 (1632)
SynAdam: whats harder than nailing a baby to a wall?
Kato: ...what?
SynAdam: my dick while im doing it
Kato: ....
SynAdam: get it?
Kato: what in the FUCK is wrong with you?!
#762328 (1150)
<thou> yeah he isn't really that hrd..
<thou> *hard
<arak0n> lern sum grammer u fuckin noob
<thou> damn if I were you, I wouldn't be worrying about other people's grammar.
<arak0n> it jus annois me when all them fukin noobs cum in here, an u cant unerstand anytin they r sayin. it make me wana just leve the channel
* thou has left #wii (me too man. me too.)
#762388 (1840)
<Chrysalid^Revenge> I had something like that happen to me once.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And vengeance is a plate best served cold.
* Sectoid^Authopsy sits down for storytime
<Chrysalid^Revenge> I saw some asshole stealing my pack of cigarettes from my table while I was getting another beer.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> But of course, as I confronted him, he denied it flatly, and all the sudden four of his mates were getting ready for a fight and shit.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> So I decided to back down, and rather get one over him later.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Of course, living in an army camp has it's advantages, such as easy access to ammo.
<Sectoid^Authopsy> o_0
<Chrysalid^Revenge> So I took two Winner Tip cartridges, a little bit of tobacco, and quite a generous amount of gunpowder from a blank I 'obtained', topping it off with tobacco to get a proper look.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Next weekend, I leave my pack containing two cigs rather indiscreetly at my table when I see this assholes is at the pub, and go to pick up another beer.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> When I come back, the pack has vanished. So I get hold of one of the bouncers, telling him that I saw someone carrying "what looked like fireworks around".
<Chrysalid^Revenge> Ten seconds later, there's some nasty fizzing, a lot of smoke and a huge fucking flame coming from one of the corner tables, and seconds later, the same thing happens in the hand of one of the guys sitting there.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> And at this point, it has to be mentioned that watching two bouncers pull a screaming guy with no eyebrows left, and a nasty burn up half his face out of a pub, 'accidentally' drop him down the stairs, and finally call the cops on him, does lead to a certain smugness.
<Chrysalid^Revenge> The morale is, don't you ever fucking touch my cigarettes. I can probably spare you one if you ask, but fucking ask first, okay?!
#762565 (-574)
Erik: when did anakin skywalker become evil?
Melissa: when?!
Erik: in the sith grade!
#762628 (684)
<kow|wk> so
<kow|wk> worth noting
<kow|wk> running "reboot -h" does NOT produce a helpful usage message
#762681 (694)
dmwit: You know, my first year at college they gave me a whistle.
dmwit: They told me it was a rape whistle.
dmwit: But no matter how hard I blew, I never got raped. =(
#762742 (1089)
<godlys0ldier> How can i know what a $rand number is gonna be
<Spitfire3292> ...Thats gotta be the fuckin stupidest thing i've heard all day
#762870 (629)
<ZaXorZ> if you get glitter on you, be prepared to have it on you forever.
<ZaXorZ> Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies
#762890 (697)
<Nangijala>   activists in copenhagen have really figured it out this time
<Carrots>   whats going on now?
<Nangijala>   now instead of throwing rocks and rioting
<Nangijala>   they have climbed up in a tower
<Nangijala>   and will jump out if the politicians doesn't listen to them
<Astral\afk>   :D
<Nangijala>   now there's a problem that solves itself if i've ever seen one
#762910 (739)
<Dave> Question: Is it "right" to stop registered sex offenders from registering on social networking sites?
<highvoltage> Dave: where do you register to become a sex offender?
* Vhata falls off his chair laughing
<Dave> highvoltage: at your local school...
<MrKen> Dave: No, that's where they hold the auditions
#762975 (555)
<patchinko> jerry falwell's dead
<darsu> a-who?
<lynkali> :o
<lynkali> really?
<patchinko> he died like >3 hours ago
<Cthulhu> umm, you misread that part jon
<Cthulhu> "School official said Falwell was fine at breakfast"
<Prakk> they ate his corpse?
#763087 (511)
<ganked> Did the doctor give you your test results?
<ct> Yeah. Looks like all those years of phone sex caught up with me.
<ct> I have hearing AIDS.
#763160 (1622)
<Will T. Rex> So, at the pub last saturday
<Will T. Rex> Really bogan pub, with pool and AC/DC on the TV jukebox, at 3am in the morning... my nerdy friend says very loudly "NEED MOAR BEER!"
<Will T. Rex> with emphasis on the 'moaaar', because we are nerds
<Will T. Rex> ... and out of nowhere, some random dude screams "WE ARE ANNONYMOUS, WE ARE LEGION"
<Will T. Rex> Fucking terrifying
#763307 (839)
<j0e> when i want to download music i look up what the band thinks about filesharing
<j0e> if they're okay with it, i download the song
<j0e> if they're against it, i download the song out of spite
<UriGeller> what if they haven't said anything on filesharing
<j0e> that's what i call a tacit endorsement
#763355 (364)
Torodung (31985): You can't write code or design software that will secure "stupid." [..] If those folks were using an abacus, they'd probably get their head stuck in it.
#763637 (600)
<Fraeon> I have found an awesome reason to become emo
<Fraeon> You can celebrate all those days you weren't born instead of that one day you were
#763669 (366)
<c> I'm just not that creative at naming.  I name my computers after dead guys who argued a lot.
<DrAppleseed> Is your next one going to be named Falwell?
<c> Somehow, I don't think it would get along with Turing.
#763772 (355)
<+AdamR> bahahahahahah just got a reply from zen about that gateway being named "gay-dsl1"
<Er00`> Oh?
<Pru> WEEEEEEEEEEEE
<+AdamR> Hi Adam, All of our DSL gateways are named after renowned philosophers, in this case Gay is named for John Gay, see the below website for more information; http://www.philosophypages.com/dy/g.htm
<TheDon> rofl
<+AdamR> notice how there isnt a picture of him on that site
<Er00`> Hehe
<+AdamR> thats the best fucking techincal support response i've ever had
#763869 (1774)
<nOmAd93-8> oh, I've lost a ke.-button on m. ke.board... which is after "x" and before "z"!!
<68-bbb> there aren't any keys between z and x, dumbass
#763963 (3137)
<ez76> a mac vs. pc commercial you'll never see: "Whatcha doin, PC?"  "I'm playing this new game."  "Oh really, which one?"  "Any."  "Oh."  (silence) (fade)
#764036 (544)
< ameyer> citalim: you argue like O'Reilly
<+citalim> i have a theory that bill o'reilly doesn't believe a word he says
<+citalim> i think he's just trolling on a much larger scale
<+citalim> i look up to him
#764093 (370)
<SketchCow> I've been asked to shut down 7 servers, all of them roughly 10 years old.
<SketchCow> I've been making them play taps before turning off permanently.
#764110 (353)
Muri> "Does it count as crossplay if Im a man, cosplaying a man, who dresses as a woman?"
Dephemait> no... but it's STILL gay
#764140 (571)
<Primo> If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
#764292 (1399)
Magna Carta: Being in Alexa's top 1000 says a lot for any site...
Motley: Related: In walmart today, it was pretty packed
Motley: and my nephew (11) is going to get some icees, he gets ready to turn left out of electronics
Motley: and he goes 'dude, what flavor?'
Motley: I shouted 'MOAR MUDKIPS' (aka blue)
Motley: Then this is what I hear..
Motley: Far left: 'KILL IT WITH FIRE!'
Motley: Far right: 'NO U'
Motley: Behind: 'DO NOT WANT'
Motley: and then god bless 'em, the guy standing *right* next to me goes 'shut the fuck up btards!"
Magna Carta: ...
Magna Carta: You live in EKY?
Motley: ...yeah
Magna Carta: OSHIT