#757896
(711)<Joby-> so i moved into this new neighborhood right <Joby-> and like <Joby-> i rode my bike right <Joby-> and i saw these 2 hot girls <Joby-> and they saw me and they waved at me <Joby-> but then i crashed into a parked car :< <Mkoll> Real ladies man, arn't you? <Joby-> yeah #757929
(-100)<SgtBallard> There was this kid back in Junior High that asked our group about how to Masturbate. Well Saint there and I decided to play a joke on him. We told him that the key to jacking it was the firestarter method <Uberm4cht> fire starter? <SaintAlvus> Thats when you take your dick in both hands, and rub opposite directions quickly as if you are rubbing a stick to start a fire. Ballard though told the little prick to flick the tip when his dick became numb. <SgtBallard> Yep, Kid comes back the next week and tells us that he did it until he started bleeding but he never came. That will make me laugh till the day I die. #758032
(7339)dftpnkezln: For all of you reporting a score more than 100 as you iq lol @ you. How can you possibly score more than 100%? dftpnkezln:I'm very happy with my score of 89. #758379
(10361)< Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west < Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph < Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road < Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway < Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us < Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop < Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell < Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes < Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE" < Alkivar> Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license < Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the fucking ground < Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever fucking seen < Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck out of here" < Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently < Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live < Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail #758565
(530)Cataclaw: "You are on day 2135 of your evaluation period" Cataclaw: o sorry paint shop pro Cataclaw: mind if i use it one more day? Tinactin: Were I to ever release a bit of software and have the nerve to charge to "activate" it, I'd have those messages become ruder and ruder as the use progressed past the trial period. Tinactin: Until, "You motherfucking cunt, why not just pay for the fucking software already? Jesus fucking Christ, what do you think, I coded this shit out of the goodness of my fucking heart? Bullshit, you've been using this shit for a fucking year already, and I haven't gotten a single fucking thank you, let alone a goddamn cent for it. Fuck you, you worthless, mooching son of a bitch. Fuck you. [Activate] [Continue Unregistered]" #758669
(258)<sharquedo> I'm a zombie, braiiinnnssssss <DemonHeart> I'm homeless, chaaannnggeeeee #758854
(625)Hawkins030: Why are people in 90 degree weather so white? Hawkins030: Because the tan of 90 degrees doesn't exist. #758872
(166)<Emmie> Dilt, remember: Life takes VISA, but Death runs on Linux. <Dilt> no wonder death can't be escaped #758893
(95)phractured: why did the emo prostitute make a good carpenter? phractured: because she knew how to cut and screw! #759102
(1452)smack: get that .45 NOFX: looks nice smack: it's the nicest gun i have ever shot/owned NOFX: wtf 7 rounds smack: it's a .45 man smack: if you need more than 7 .45 rounds, you either can't shoot, or are in WAY over your head #759239
(300)<@dagger> did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? <@dagger> he stayed up all night wondering if there was a god <@dagger> er, dog <@dagger> ffs #759242
(61)< xxxt> Hi, how do I join this IRC takeover group? CHANFIX has mad skills < xxxt> i dont even know how he does it < xxxt> ;-) #759323
(268)<Bane|Gone> that's ok...i had a dream once that a friend came over in the morning and was stabbing me in the nutsack. then i woke up and it turned out that a spring in my mattress had broken and was poking through. #759367
(1027)Coff:We should bring rain ponchoes back. Problem Solved. Cyg:New Problem: I don't want to look like a homeless wizard. #759408
(688)<@Berryful> The typing is strong in this one <@Berryful> but i fear he has fallen to the dvorak side #759646
(262)[ + [Adam] ]: MAN [ + [Adam] ]: I want an arab inflatable sex doll [ + [Adam] ]: they blow themSELVES up #759722
(599)thisismykittyx: so i went into victoria's secret and asked one of the bra-fitting ladies if they carried AAs. thisismykittyx: and the lady goes, "try radioshack". #759747
(97)<cinco`de`mayo> Are Mexicans really baptized in bean dip? <cinco`de`mayo> Yes, but only because Jesus once said, Blessed are the refried, for they shall inherit the southwest United States. #759758
(1952)dantose: Do u get a trophy 4 it???? rocker576: It occurs to me that typing "u" instead of "you" and "4" instead of "for" saved you 4 (not "for") keystrokes. Typing "????" instead of "?" used 3 keystrokes plus the use of the shift button for a total of 4 keystrokes. Thus, you have saved no effort whatsoever by kicking the English language. #759772
(296)Informatik: My final iMac price ended up at $3,752 Informatik: xd Motley: the hell did you add? a used car? #759821
(245)<Greystripe> one day, i'm gonna own my own company <Greystripe> and it's gonna get big <Greystripe> and i'll be like bill gates, but less of an arse <Greystripe> and i'll be all rich and famous <Greystripe> but i'll still come in here <Greystripe> and i'll be like "hey guys, did you see me on the news?" <Greystripe> because, let's face it, i'm never gonna have a social life #759858
(1352)<KaiserPanda> spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can <KaiserPanda> clings to walls, licks his balls <KaiserPanda> but not at the same time or else he faaaaalls! #759906
(857)<jeet> u guys are dumb... i like shemale porn its like regular porn but with more boobs <vrunt> uhh... okay <LainWave> jeet: putting the xy back in sexy #759974
(190)<mranostay> I have this dream of hiring a hooker, and when she asks what I want done, one word "Cronjob". #760002
(841)*Anony-X has joined #mac* <Emoxin> sometimes when im masturbating i look at pictures of dogs. not dogs having sex or anything, just dogs. like chasing frisbees and shit. just the way they move and their bark gets me so hot. i can fit 3 more fingers in my pussy when theres a dog around. <Anony-X> mac users, i swear to god... *Anony-X has left #mac*