#757896 (711)
<Joby-> so i moved into this new neighborhood right
<Joby-> and like
<Joby-> i rode my bike right
<Joby-> and i saw these 2 hot girls
<Joby-> and they saw me and they waved at me
<Joby-> but then i crashed into a parked car :<
<Mkoll> Real ladies man, arn't you?
<Joby-> yeah
#757929 (-100)
<SgtBallard> There was this kid back in Junior High that asked our group about how to Masturbate. Well Saint there and I decided to play a joke on him. We told him that the key to jacking it was the firestarter method
<Uberm4cht> fire starter?
<SaintAlvus> Thats when you take your dick in both hands, and rub opposite directions quickly as if you are rubbing a stick to start a fire. Ballard though told the little prick to flick the tip when his dick became numb.
<SgtBallard> Yep, Kid comes back the next week and tells us that he did it until he started bleeding but he never came. That will make me laugh till the day I die.
#758032 (7339)
dftpnkezln: For all of you reporting a score more than 100 as you iq lol @ you. How can you possibly score more than 100%?
dftpnkezln:I'm very happy with my score of 89.
#758379 (10361)
< Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west
< Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph
< Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road
< Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway
< Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us
< Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop
< Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell
< Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes
< Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE"
< Alkivar> Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license
< Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the fucking ground
< Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever fucking seen
< Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck out of here"
< Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently
< Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live
< Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail
#758565 (530)
Cataclaw: "You are on day 2135 of your evaluation period"
Cataclaw: o sorry paint shop pro
Cataclaw: mind if i use it one more day?
Tinactin: Were I to ever release a bit of software and have the nerve to charge to "activate" it, I'd have those messages become ruder and ruder as the use progressed past the trial period.
Tinactin: Until, "You motherfucking cunt, why not just pay for the fucking software already? Jesus fucking Christ, what do you think, I coded this shit out of the goodness of my fucking heart?  Bullshit, you've been using this shit for a fucking year already, and I haven't gotten a single fucking thank you, let alone a goddamn cent for it.  Fuck you, you worthless, mooching son of a bitch.  Fuck you.  [Activate] [Continue Unregistered]"
#758669 (258)
<sharquedo> I'm a zombie, braiiinnnssssss
<DemonHeart> I'm homeless, chaaannnggeeeee
#758854 (625)
Hawkins030: Why are people in 90 degree weather so white?
Hawkins030: Because the tan of 90 degrees doesn't exist.
#758872 (166)
<Emmie> Dilt, remember: Life takes VISA, but Death runs on Linux.
<Dilt> no wonder death can't be escaped
#758893 (95)
phractured: why did the emo prostitute make a good carpenter?
phractured: because she knew how to cut and screw!
#759102 (1452)
smack: get that .45
NOFX: looks nice
smack: it's the nicest gun i have ever shot/owned
NOFX: wtf 7 rounds
smack: it's a .45 man
smack: if you need more than 7 .45 rounds, you either can't shoot, or are in WAY over your head
#759239 (300)
<@dagger> did you hear the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
<@dagger> he stayed up all night wondering if there was a god
<@dagger> er, dog
<@dagger> ffs
#759242 (61)
< xxxt> Hi, how do I join this IRC takeover group? CHANFIX has mad skills
< xxxt> i dont even know how he does it
< xxxt> ;-)
#759323 (268)
<Bane|Gone> that's ok...i had a dream once that a friend came over in the morning and was stabbing me in the nutsack.  then i woke up and it turned out that a spring in my mattress had broken and was poking through.
#759367 (1027)
Coff:We should bring rain ponchoes back. Problem Solved.
Cyg:New Problem: I don't want to look like a homeless wizard.
#759408 (688)
<@Berryful> The typing is strong in this one
<@Berryful> but i fear he has fallen to the dvorak side
#759646 (262)
[ + [Adam] ]: MAN
[ + [Adam] ]: I want an arab inflatable sex doll
[ + [Adam] ]: they blow themSELVES up
#759722 (599)
thisismykittyx: so i went into victoria's secret and asked one of the bra-fitting ladies if they carried AAs.
thisismykittyx: and the lady goes, "try radioshack".
#759747 (97)
<cinco`de`mayo> Are Mexicans really baptized in bean dip?
<cinco`de`mayo> Yes, but only because Jesus once said, Blessed are the refried, for they shall inherit the southwest United States.
#759758 (1952)
dantose: Do u get a trophy 4 it????
rocker576: It occurs to me that typing "u" instead of "you" and "4" instead of "for" saved you 4 (not "for") keystrokes. Typing "????" instead of "?" used 3 keystrokes plus the use of the shift button for a total of 4 keystrokes. Thus, you have saved no effort whatsoever by kicking the English language.
#759772 (296)
Informatik: My final iMac price ended up at $3,752
Informatik: xd
Motley: the hell did you add? a used car?
#759821 (245)
<Greystripe> one day, i'm gonna own my own company
<Greystripe> and it's gonna get big
<Greystripe> and i'll be like bill gates, but less of an arse
<Greystripe> and i'll be all rich and famous
<Greystripe> but i'll still come in here
<Greystripe> and i'll be like "hey guys, did you see me on the news?"
<Greystripe> because, let's face it, i'm never gonna have a social life
#759858 (1352)
<KaiserPanda> spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can
<KaiserPanda> clings to walls, licks his balls
<KaiserPanda> but not at the same time or else he faaaaalls!
#759906 (857)
<jeet> u guys are dumb... i like shemale porn its like regular porn but with more boobs
<vrunt> uhh... okay
<LainWave> jeet: putting the xy back in sexy
#759974 (190)
<mranostay> I have this dream of hiring a hooker, and when she asks what I want done, one word "Cronjob".
#760002 (841)
*Anony-X has joined #mac*
<Emoxin> sometimes when im masturbating i look at pictures of dogs. not dogs having sex or anything, just dogs. like chasing frisbees and shit. just the way they move and their bark gets me so hot. i can fit 3 more fingers in my pussy when theres a dog around.
<Anony-X> mac users, i swear to god...
*Anony-X has left #mac*