#740638 (342)
<bloodfart> this homeless dude was eating a pie
<bloodfart> that someone bought him
<destx> wicked
<bloodfart> he got up to cross the road and tripped over, dropping the pie
<bloodfart> as if your life couldnt get any worse
#740656 (589)
<Snojoe> Lemme ask you somethin
<Gnarly> Okay...
<Snojoe> If you date a two-headed chick, and you want sex, and one of them says no..
<Snojoe> is it rape?
<Gnarly> you dont have much free time, do you?
<Snojoe> Time is a factor here, man... need an answer
#740836 (366)
<CptSage> Awesome error message
<CptSage> Best one ever
<CptSage> A network error has occured. This computer's Internet connection appears to be online. (-66559).
#741084 (726)
arucardegungrave: Yeah, Jesus tried to save me, but there was no space on his memory card.
#741090 (631)
<Aiko> Nothing beats the look on a 14-year-old boy's face when his older sister catches him watching femdom porn, smiles and tells him she's already seen that one.
<9874354> speaking from experience?
<Aiko> Yep. ^_^
#741216 (66)
<Snojoe> I am a genius
<Snojoe> I just came up with a new game
<mbb102488> oh lord, what now?
<Gnarly> did you finally figure out hand + dick, joe?
<Snojoe> Bash drinking game
<mbb102488> lol
<Snojoe> I'm serious! go onto the random page
<Snojoe> and you take a drink for every quote of like
<Snojoe> tubgirl
<Snojoe> or even goatse
<Gnarly> no, 2 for goatse
<Snojoe> uh, no... 2 drinks are reserved for every one about niggers
<Gnarly> lmao
<mbb102488> wow...
<Gnarly> just don't hope you randomly don't get the whole bottom list as random
<Gnarly> else you'd be fucked
#741226 (77)
<jaMESG[champ]> you know, i always thought that i kept my desk kinda clean
<jaMESG[champ]> turning the keyboard over and tapping the back of it
<jaMESG[champ]> so much shit falls out of it
<jaMESG[champ]> jesus
<burningpapersun> lol
<burningpapersun> jesus fell out of your keyboard?
<jaMESG[champ]> yeah
<jaMESG[champ]> i kicked that fucker out
<jaMESG[champ]> didn't pay rent
<jaMESG[champ]> just squatted
<jaMESG[champ]> in my keyboard
#741596 (458)
< kakistos> lol. i liked the java compiler.
< kakistos> does the c compiler not tell you what you did wrong?
< deviant> C is great
< ewan> the Java compiler is all like "you have an uninitialised variable there, would you like a hug?"
< ewan> gcc is like "raaagh! I do no bounds-checking! Your mother sucks cocks in hell!"
#741630 (1218)
<matt____> hey guys is there a way to patch an older redhat server??
<matt____> Linux devcvs 2.2.16-22 #1 Tue Aug 22 16:49:06 EDT 2000 i686 unknown
<Evolution> holy hell
<Evolution> 2.2.16?
<Evolution> just out of curiosity, what's the uptime on that antique?
<matt____> devnu11:18am  up 2287 days,  2:52, 25 users,  load average: 1.76, 1.26, 0.70
<Zathrus> gods
#741748 (868)
<fatcat> Someone wrote <shit> on the outside of a stall door in the bathroom, and </shit> on the inside.
#741806 (411)
<@BalefireX> you dated a sea mammal
<+Spexor_> if you ask her we never dated
<@YucA> man
<@YucA> i dunno whats worse
<@YucA> that he admits to dating a sea mammal
<@YucA> or that said sea mammal wouldnt admit to dating him
#741833 (444)
<c-unut> pfft slipknot
<Finch > slipknot go good
<c-unut> I've always seen them sorta like anal sex
<Finch> if u want to look at it that way...
<c-unut> You know, I appreciate that some may enjoy it, and it has its moments, but at the end of the day, its still fucking shit.
#741844 (624)
<laszlow> What would you rather wake up to at three in the morning? A dick in your mouth or a clown grinning at you from across the room?
<Neal> I can only pick one
#741856 (1037)
<kimos> You seem (in my (humble) opinion (which doesn't mean much)) to be (or possibly could be) more of a Lisp programmer (but I could be (and probably am) wrong).
#741908 (507)
<peerce> Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, Ill use regular expressions." Now they have two problems.
#742089 (289)
<HellDragon> why do i make the same face when i orgasm than when i go backward in my car
#742204 (419)
<@dekkon> ive got an appointment at the eye doctor on the 13th
<@dekkon> finally going to get contacts
<@terminal_> contacts are a pain in the ass
<+jmx> terminal they go in your eyes
#742386 (1025)
<HaX.1337> U're all lame as hell here!!!!! I can hack u all in no time! just tell me your ip and u're dead!
<Maler.home> try mine
<Maler.home> 127.0.0.1
*** Signoff: HaX.1337 (Connection reset by peer)
<Damz|dispute> wow. never thought such a retard nick can get his hands on something actually working xD
#742408 (2598)
<Javin> Oh.
<Javin> My.
<Javin> God.
<Javin> We have a unit here.  It's about the size of a small speaker.
<Javin> In big letters across the front of it, it says "DATA DESTROYER."
<Javin> Some idiot comes into my office just now, and asks, "hey, what is this thing?"
<Javin> I say sarcastically, "it's a DVD polisher..."
<Javin> Next thing I hear:  *GRIND GRIND GRIND* "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!"
<Javin> Now they're pissed at ME.
<Javin> Because THEY couldn't read.
<Javin> Besides, it's not like I gave them PERMISSION to use MY "DVD Polisher."
<Javin> I hate people.
#742454 (602)
<Mirconium>Several sequels have been announced for Gears of War
<Mirconium>The new games will include Sprockets of Peace, Pulleys of Neutrality, Fulcrums of Strife, Screws of Fixation, and Wheels of Locomotion.
#742547 (1218)
<caddis> the hardest thing about buying a macbook is telling your parents you are gay
#742578 (957)
<dude> this is belgium at its best
<dude> our minister of defense takes a chopper to fly 60 kms to go see Al Gore's movie about climate change
<dude> beat that
#742658 (292)
<Rynol> Until individual protons play little quark violins.
<Zrith> I imagine attempting to play music on a quark might prove problematic.
<Zrith> You either get to figure out where you are in a song, or what the tempo is.
<Rynol> Of course, if we were talking string theory then it'd be easier, what with the inherent resonance and all.
#742745 (448)
<SWTrilman> i'm not huge into porn
<Draken> my porn interests, no punning here, come and go
<SWTrilman> i used to be into it
<SWTrilman> i guess i just got over it
<Draken> but she looks so sweet and cute and wholesome... and then she's masturbating to turtles
<SWTrilman> or something
<Draken> eh, you get burned out on porn
<Draken> you either distance yourself for the most part, or seek out more and more extreme porn to fill the gaping hole in yourself.
<Draken> then you get arrested for raping a sheep while wearing a Spiderman costume
#742772 (832)
<Dan_Dinh> *yet?
<Dan_Dinh> you haven't done the review ye ?
<Spik3balloon> holy crap, dan can see into the future