#737903 (492)
<Aust> I was playing a groove jazz jam at a coffee shop, and a group of mentally handicapped kids walked in. One of them ran right to the middle of us and started dancing all crazy. He was dressed like an Native American. Like, battle rags... It was fuckiing awesome. He danced for like 20 minutes. We all danced with him.
#737918 (419)
Steve: I wish the bash mods would hurry up and reject my quotes.
#737948 (595)
<@norman> so, how many dates do you have to go on before it changes from assault to domestic violence
#738052 (304)
<Hawaiian_Pig> that reminds me... if i ever get the chance to write something on a bomb, it'd have to be an ascii wang.
#738098 (916)
Kanishka: The vagina has 3 holes right?
Sahil: no
Kanishka: Yeah it does; one for the dick and two for the balls
<lol>
Sahil: No you fucking dumbass, there aren't three holes
Kanishka: Then where do the balls go in?
Kyle: They...don't.
#738146 (556)
<osx5>    question is there an irc server that has mostly mac users on it?
<Eulogy>  i hope to god not.
<osx5>    lol, why
<Eulogy>  that much arrogance would cause the universe to collapse on itself.
#738421 (359)
<Ken|JLime> Jtag_me If you want a challenge, learn the emacs short commands
<Ken|JLime> I'll stick to medical school myself
<Jtag_me> haha
<Ken|JLime> Its like CTRL-XYWZQFGUJ-F1 (while pressing F2).. and it walks your dog
#738576 (156)
ET: Bash.org is moderated
Lily: yeah. xD
ET: that stuff has to be approved
ET: if Bash.org is moderated, what the hell kinda stuff doesn't make the cut?
#738703 (370)
<jms> maybe I can do it in java
<jms> but that sounds as pleasant as cheesegrating my testicles
#738715 (1214)
Anti: Physics is like sex, it has practical results but that's not why we do it
RaefWolfe: Physics is like sex: I just don't get it
#738780 (486)
yuseisays: I got one! I got one!
BlackDragon412: WHAT?
yuseisays: What do you call children that are born in whore houses?
yuseisays: BROTHEL SPROUTS
BlackDragon412: ...
yuseisays: oh crap, wrong persoin
#738798 (52)
H2SO4Baddie:  it's a good thing easter isn't on groundhog day, cuz then jesus'd come out of his tomb, see his shadow, go back in and we'd have 6 more weeks of winter
axoren123: xD
#738913 (326)
<Rx> I am eating hot dogs that have little bits of cheese inside the frankfurter
<Rx> It is amazing.
<Rx> I am sure this must be an american invention
<Rx> but it's like a man who ejaculates cream cheese is having sex in my mouth with a beautiful pork woman
#738918 (2422)
<PhoenixBourne> Ok, so a friend of mine had an AWESOME idea at school
<PhoenixBourne> You know rohyphonol? (whatever the spelling is)
<linforcer> Is he gontna make a trebuchet
<linforcer> no
<PhoenixBourne> You know date rape drugs?
<linforcer> Sure
<PhoenixBourne> Right, rhyphonol is one of these. It knocks you asleep after an hour or two.
<PhoenixBourne> I should also mention, a side affect of rhyphonol is amnesia of events whilst under influence of the drug.
<PhoenixBourne> Now, a friend of mine had this idea:
1) Prepare ingredients
2) Take rhyphonol
3) Bake cake
4) Fall asleep
5) ??????
6) Wake up
7) CAKE?! CAKE! Where did this come from?!
<linforcer> SURPRISE CAKE!!!!!!
#738981 (1014)
<Bus> y = |x|
<JaxomZero> thats thinking positive
#739002 (343)
MisterMunshun: I used to be a telemarketer, working for the Shriners. I'd call people up and try and get them to sponsor a group of needy and handicapped kids from the Shriner's hospitals to go see the circus.
MisterMunshun: One night, i'm making my calls, and i come to this name on one of my sheets
MisterMunshun: "Mrs. Pucci"
MisterMunshun: I'm making the calls before it, but i'm just going through the motions, because in my head, over and over, i'm thinking
MisterMunshun: DON'T SAY PUSSY DON'T SAY PUSSY DON'T SAY PUSSY IT'S POO-CHI POO-CHI NOT PUSSY DON'T SAY PUSSY
MisterMunshun: So, I dial her up
MisterMunshun: She answers
MisterMunshun: "Hello, Mrs. Pussy?"
MisterMunshun: everyone in the office immediately bursts into laughter, and i just fucking deflate.
MisterMunshun: I can't fucking apologize because everyone is laughing, which is making ME laugh.
MisterMunshun.: And it wouldn't have mattered anyway, she'd already fucking hung up.
Jake: and you were fired
#739009 (-51)
<NightShade> you know what a vampire puts in his hot water to make tea?
<NightShade> a used tampon
#739129 (762)
<crazymike811> infinity is simply nothing with a twist
#739354 (58)
CharmQuark42: a math sheep?
Quillethe: it would explain the counting
CharmQuark42: it does integ-wools!
#739375 (2724)
<Tostitos> i like my women the way i like my coffee
<Jet> Ground up and in the freezer?
<SteveTheImpermeableHamster> full of your cream?
<mistik> hawt?
<Dokterrock> What, tied up in a sack and thrown over the back of a burro?
<RaMTuFF> quiet ?
<Jet>: Colombian?
<Aimee> hot?
<Jet> From McDonalds?
<djswift2k3> Black?
<SteveTheImpermeableHamster> in a cup?
<Jet> Spilt all over your lap?
<Aimee> cheap?
<whiteboihere> strong and black?/
<Tostitos> i hate you all
#739693 (440)
<altus> internet diet is shitty
<altus> cookies and spam all the time
<xoroa> yea. and the cookies are totally dubious. i mean, who would eat one that expires in 2017?
#739936 (5224)
<Turkeyslam> oh man I saw pure gold at lunch, I was sitting near this group of black guys at a table and they all had tucked in shirts and shit, looked educated, I think they were studying calculus or some shit
<Turkeyslam> and across from there, there was another table with a bunch of white guys, all ghetto looking, three of them wore fucking grills, sagging pants, and one was playing some 50 cent ringtone or some shit
<Turkeyslam> going "yeah boiiii"
<Turkeyslam> and one of the black guys in the table next to me muttered "fucking niggers"
<Turkeyslam> I choked on my fucking jolt cola
#740127 (358)
<sdodson> I'm trying to figure out if my neighbors have really bad rhythm or if they're hanging photos on the wall
#740137 (2736)
Jenna says:
I
Jenna says:
l
Jenna says:
o
Jenna says:
v
Jenna says:
e
Jenna says:
y
David says:
C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Jenna says:
what the **** is your problem?
Jenna says:
why do you always do that?
#740552 (411)
<+llama> just sold some vibrating panties
<+llama> $50 panties
<barryh> did you wear them 1st?
<+llama> naw
<+llama> they are like a cheap hotel, no ballroom