#727689 (254)
<SaintAlvus> I wrote a book on an object that lets you accelerate the passage of time.
<Bean> What was it called?
<SaintAlvus> Bong Mechanics
#727758 (748)
<ToxicFrog> My gaming machine is running 2k at the moment, but I may have to downgrade to XP in the near future, or make it a dual boot.
<LogiForce> Downgrade to XP ? :S
<LogiForce> 2k is older then XP. It is called upgrading.
<ToxicFrog> LogiForce: going from "bad" to "worse" is not an upgrade even if "worse" was released after "bad".
#727984 (990)
<stoertebeker> fleshlights make me want to puke
<RifleEyes> you're not supposed to deepthroat them
#728190 (2123)
<Folkomo> So in class today we were playing guesstures or password- one of those games you have to guess a word or phrase- my friend apparently got T.V., but I didn't know that. He got up and said "Back in my Grandma's days, these used to only be black and white."
<Folkomo> I fucked up and said "water fountains" outloud.
<Folkomo> ...thats why I got detention.
#728569 (-135)
<raven^> What do I chmod a directory with to make it accessable from the web?
#728751 (3354)
<ehFk> so today in class Mr. Frank was like "Guys, turn to page 404...."
<ehFk> me being a smartass say "Sir.... I can't find it"
<ehFk> "Michael, It is page 404"
<ehFk> "SIR! I CAN'T FIND IT!"
<ehFk> I spent the next two minutes explaining  to my class what 404 meant
<ehFk> and they all looked at me like I was the biggest fucking nerd EVER
<TheTik> wow... speechless.
#728958 (-919)
<Mulcibre> I just had a case of deja jew
<Mulcibre> I'd swear I've seen this $20 bill somewhere before
#729203 (1085)
<dogs> we use IPv7 now
<dogs> it's pretty much IPv6, but the headers contain porn
<dogs> saves bandwidth
#729283 (1410)
Trev: dang baby did i tell u that u looked FINE today!
Trev: u looked likea dime
Trev: that was so sexy i just couldnt stand it
Grace: thanks trevor, you're lying
Trev: nooooo u were beautiful
Grace: trevor I was absent today
Trev: o
#729367 (850)
<skulk> why the hell is wrestling on the scifi channel?
<skulk> that's like MTV playing music videos
#729896 (1177)
<archaios> I WAS A VIRGIN TIL 21
<poonTheta> archaios i thought you are 20 :|
<archaios> poonTheta: I am still a virgin
<archaios> I expect to get laid next year
#729937 (285)
<Erodice> 1 time last year we just had freezing rain and people where goin' 60-70 mps over the bridge form where i live to the main city New Bern. you never seen so many morons slipin' an' swervin' and wouldn't anyone slow down it was insane
<Bligyith> On the fire department we call those return customers
<Bligyith> ...well not really, but I do
#729963 (586)
<Kirkburn> Shouldn't RCs be called Gamma?
<Maldivia> in Microsoft's case: RC = Alpha, Release = Beta, Service Pack 1 = RC, Service Pack 2 = Release
#730297 (1101)
<astrix> theres a little clip on the side of your drive
<@KiNgDeeM|AFKish> jumpers
<astrix> theres 3 options, master, slave and something else
<@KiNgDeeM|AFKish> cable select
<@Cyan> master, slave, and "likes to watch"
#730921 (352)
<error27> Assertion: token is identifier of typedef or open "(" of arg list of typedef'd pointer to function
<error27> programmers always wonder why people punch them in the neck
#731050 (-12)
<ter> america is the melting pot, canada is the lukewarm mug
#731100 (451)
<nitekrawler> I was taking a piss, and my toliet suddenly flushes it self.
<damageisking> maybe it was japanese
<nitekrawler> I dont think toliets have ethnic races
#731134 (249)
<+Acksaw> how do you get 100 babies in a bucket?
<+crank> 100?
<+Acksaw> with a blender.
<+crank> auch
<+Acksaw> how do you get them back out?
<+crank> i dunno
<+Acksaw> with doritos
#731378 (808)
<Chrtsalid^Revenge> I spent about 45 minutes watching concerned neighbours and some maintenance workers dismantling a drainpipe in order to save a kitten today,
<Chrtsalid^Revenge> And ten minutes of porn later, their effort was wasted.
#731432 (442)
<wankel> i think high-end computer hardware manufacturers should have to pay an extra tax, which gets sent to the game developers.  we all know that people who pirate video games spend their savings buying fancy computers.
#731712 (1030)
<embrace> Hi
<embrace> How do i download guys?
<Frogworm> wouldn't you rather download girls instead?
#731734 (3291)
<NaStyChoC> hey babe asl?
<sweetangelic> hi, 14/f/aus ^^
<NaStyChoC> ive a real big cock..
<sweetangelic> o how big??
<NaStyChoC> 9in
<sweetangelic> dats prty big, mines only 8
<NaStyChoC> ok
<NaStyChoC> wait wtf
#732090 (369)
<lemmonza> OK, So I was watching some gangster film on BET last night
<lemmonza> And they showed this commercial obviously for kids
<lemmonza> Just as i was wondering why they would show a commercial for kids this late at night during such a violent movie
<lemmonza> I realized two things
<lemmonza> One: It was a commercial for kool-aid
<lemmonza> Two: I was watchin BET
#732261 (577)
< muon > I wish someone would invent a decent packing tape dispenser
< Cyd > I'm telling you, a simple ball gag is not that expensive
< muon > try explaining to a cop why you're hanging around a middle school with a ball gag dumbass
#732404 (600)
<Weregoose> I had to fill in these spaces (........ .....) with a phrase associated with "murder" and "alternative". Apparently, "elevator music" wasn't an acceptable answer.