Deus_Gear: random kick
Deus_Gear: !kick random
*** Deus_Gear has been kicked from #illuminati-manga by Deus_Gear: Deus_Gear
Deus_Gear: random kick
Deus_Gear: !kick random
*** Deus_Gear has been kicked from #illuminati-manga by Deus_Gear: Deus_Gear
<Onyxus>: 1.) I was riding in the car with my family and my daughter (as I have taught her) randomly said "I pwned a noob!" Being a proud father I reached back and said "Gimme five" to which she promptly responded "No you're the noob!"
<Onyxus>: 2.) Just today me and the missus were sitting in the living room watching TV while the kids were on the porch playing in their tiny little swimming pool. My son ran up to the back door and was yelling something unintelligible at it, when my daughter ran up behind him and dumped a cup full of water over his head...multiple times. He ran off, most likely to cry in a corner somewhere, and she looked at me through the door and yelled "I pwned a noob Daddy!"
<Onyxus>: Words can not describe the pride I feel in how I've brought up my daughter...
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look Im sorry. Im just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. Im in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Dont fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: Im serious.
sweet17: I dont get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: Im wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: Its kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you arent one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: Im not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Werent you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I dont want to send you the picture cause Im not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops arent
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. Whats your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. Im looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: Ive lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. Im not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isnt you.
bloodninja: Ill be damned if it aint!
sweet17: You dont look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy .
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit wont get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldnt have sent you that picture.
sweet17: Youve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesnt hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I cant believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I cant believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: Youd break both of his legs.
sweet17: Youre a fucking wanker!
sweet17: Ive been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you dont even know me
bloodninja: Ok. Im sorry.
sweet17: No you arent
bloodninja: Youre right. Im not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: Im done with you
bloodninja: Aww. Im sorry.
sweet17: Im putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: Ill eat your kitty
sweet17: Youll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said Id eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldnt get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: Id like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well Im not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I dont know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: Im afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesnt that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I wont do it if you dont want me to
sweet17: I didnt say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp you say HARRRR!!!
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You cant be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: Its my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then youll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
<Rose> and this girl wanted a tattoo on her lower back
<Rose> and she told the artist "yeah, I want something symbolic"
<Rose> so I wrote "Exit only" in chinese
<Sede> I also found Auto Insurance from Monopoly, and a broken-off mechanical monkey hand. I don't know how this stuff winds up under my waterbed but it is awesome.
<Kazz> there isn't Auto Insurance in Monopoly
<Kazz> there is in Life though
<Sede> The things that wind up under my matress is like the inventory of an old LucasArts adventure game.
<Sede> I always stashed Auto Insurance somewhere near when playing Monopoly in case I got the car piece. Then I didn't have to pay taxes.
<Sede> I usually got to be the car, because otherwise I'd pick the Scottish-Terrier-riding-a-wheelbarrow-wearing-a-tophat piece, which didn't leave anyone else many options.
<Sede> My dad probably shouldn't have given me a soldering iron for my birthday.
<qu37z> especially a quaker mexican
<qu37z> that fucker gets up at 4am and starts sleeping.
McKhaos: i love christmas better
McKhaos: it comes around more often
qreepyboris: We're making a film of a few shortish skits in French
qreepyboris: And one of them is so awesome
qreepyboris: Schindler and Santa accidentally mix up their naughty and nice lists. :-)
qreepyboris: So Santa goes to all the Jews' houses and they're not there, 'cuz they're all in camps
qreepyboris: And I haven't read the whole script, but there is no way it can possibly be not funny
The_Dv8or: I was in my Jersey office today, waiting for a file to download
The_Dv8or: theyre separate from my company domain... I was bored, and I know they dont monitor Web surfing, and I was on my personal laptop, so I started surfing porn
The_Dv8or: then I just realized.... I had my corporate domain VPN connected the whole time
<SaxxonPike> Not exactly
<SaxxonPike> Well I can't think of the difference right now
<SaxxonPike> But I think rape is the bad one that you always see in the news
<SaxxonPike> Much like the difference between "nigga" and "nigger" I guess
<SaxxonPike> One is somehow bad, it's all in how you say it
<barnacle> i see
Helene: When?!
Helene: My Cousin is stationed there
Helene: omg omg omg
Helene: Was it bad?
Pigtail II: Helen we're talking about WWII
<Scythe`> Tasting your dad's semen when you're eating out your sister
<Galdor> iim thinking.... how would you recognise it as your dads?
<piezocake> Get Vi and type 22i$<esc>
<Tanzarian> some religious guys just came to my door and as they were leaving they left a little magazine thing
<Tanzarian> he looked through his pile for a while and ended up giving me one on the evils of masterbation ...
<Tanzarian> I really should stop answering the door naked with a massive erection
<Caedes> I know how to tell if someone is gong to hell or not.
<Caedes> Q. Are you religious ?
<hobosexual> yes
<Caedes> A. You're going to hell
<hobosexual> makes sense.
<LinearA> within 5 mins I trace the email address to a handle to an
adultfriendfinder account.
<LinearA> !! Why can't people be more careful !!
<LinearA> "Need Hot Top To Fill Me UP!!"
<Warfle> I'm getting my car inspected and theres this girl in line ahead of me.
<Warfle> Pushing her car.
<Warfle> "I don't think she's going to pass inspection"
<Luthandrel> because im having some complicated problems
<Luthandrel> i asked all of my friends who are good with comps but none of them know how to fix it.
<Luthandrel> so is anyone here insanely good with computers?
<Techno-Fab> I don't know if I'm INSANELY good, but I'm willing to give it a shot.
<Luthandrel> Ok thenks. Do you know how to set the time and date here?
<Techno-Fab> ....
(fG) this guy from swindon university, did a test to find out the IQ's of Europe's countires
(fG) and the Ukraine came bottom or some shit
(fG) so Ukraine found out and called him saying like "we heard man, come visit us, we'll pay, we'll show you our inventions etc"
(fG) so he said "yeah cool"
(fG) so he got the tickets in the post, along with itineries of his week
(fG) and he went to the airport, got on the 'plane
(fG) and got off in Budapest.
(fG) Hungary.
ardenthechicken: "LOTS OF FREEE STUFF!!!!!!! ^_^"
OhTheCommotion: RIGHT ON!
@tw> Child porn isn't copyrighted.
(@nd): other than drinking
(@rawby): put your beer in the freezer
(@rawby): then take up licking
<BlakeyFox> good lord, I'm typing in TEXAN!
<BlakeyFox> nasty dialect, it is
<Laila> Now you're typing in Yoda.
<Reiz0r> Texan yoda