#638296 (2723)
<kperpy> then i heard my mum at the door and naturally i panicked right, but luckily i alt+tab'd to porn and took off my pants before she saw that i was on the microsoft website
#638300 (840)
Mazgurth: what does slashdotting mean?
antizeph: youve never heard of slashdot?
Mazgurth: I know it makes websites not work
#638328 (477)
<zacwhite> they should do rock paper scissors over mail
<schwatoo> they do
<zacwhite> really? sweet.
<schwatoo> it is called paper, paper, paper though
#638341 (130)
<Percy> No wonder this place is empty.
<Percy> Who uses windows 95?
<Percy> No one.
<Percy> It's like seeing a mac gamer.
<Percy> Doesn't happen.
#638354 (263)
<rankor> At work today i saw a guy go in to the bathroom only to come out 10 minutes later looking like he had battled with a lion.
<rankor> Now he had either had something bad for lunch or just hade one of the worlds longest "handshaking" sessions.
<ToonLord> Maybe both...
#638398 (1647)
<blehnus>In my experiece, any attempt to make any system idiot proof will only challenge God to make a better idiot
#638445 (-212)
StrainResistance: the ultimate condom
StrainResistance: is an unborn fetus
#638457 (1889)
<Marques> hmm
<Marques> so I have to go to dinner with my girlfriend her mom her two sisters and their grandparents. I wonder what people think when they see a black guy walk in to a restaurant with 6 white people =)
<Trip> hostage situation
#638464 (383)
<Platterkat^> there's currently a hearing underway to find out who knew what and when regarding kickbacks to Saddam's regime from the australian wheat board
<Platterkat^> the deputy prime minister said yesterday I" don't recall" 26 times
<Kadon> the australian wheat board.. why must they always try to influence global politics
* Kadon tears up his fan club card
#638535 (322)
<Shaft> my dad used to buy them for his coffee and i would always just eat them out of the box
<@kaanchy> i used to eat powdered milk
<Shaft> that was coke
<Shaft> your mom was a cocaine addict
<@kaanchy> so that explains why im eating it right now
#638549 (1913)
Omniscient Sean: I think we should terrorist start throwing in nuclear weapon noteworthy national security keywords to Allah otherwise innocuous conversations.
InfiniteSuperior: I Bin Laden agree.
Omniscient Sean: So how are Al Qaeda classes?
InfiniteSuperior: I have Al Sadr a psychology report Iran due Wednesday.
Omniscient Sean: Ah, that Tehran sucks.
Omniscient Sean: This bizarre Sadaam open-source database utility has all the Palestine trappings of other open-source utilities.
Omniscient Sean: In this WMD case, useless error messages.
InfiniteSuperior: Other than Pakistan that, classes are Libby going well.
#638598 (1410)
<Louie> FUCK
<ATL> That's what all the girls say
<ATL> Though, usually, they add "off" at the end.
<ATL> Sometimes it's between "DON'T" and "ING TOUCH ME"
#638675 (472)
[blokhead]: cell phones are amazing.. every time I think they cannot get more annoying, they get twice as annoying. It's like Moore's law applied to annoyance
[blokhead]: I'm anticipating the new cellphones that have a megaphone built-in. That way, your conversations will be clearly audible to everyone within 500 feet
#638691 (1528)
<trent> Dude, did I leave my platinum cube at your house?
<44lark> Nope, I was in the basement today and didnt see it
<trent> shit, I dont know where I left it then
<44lark> ya, hope you find it, im gonna go play Super Smash Brothers
<trent> ok
#638700 (2327)
[testic] Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
[sg1138_] 7200 seems pretty high
[testic] I think that includes wanking and wet dreams
[sg1138_] 7200 seems pretty low
#638703 (615)
[Jack SkeIIington] my knees have rugburns
[Jack SkeIIington] from giving out endless blowjobs
[p-iv] wear knee-pads
[rahahda] "job interview pads"
#638714 (-104)
[sg1138_] My father was nicknamed "Dr Cyclops"
[ianmc38] cos he only ever showed u his 1eyed monster?
#638717 (-105)
<Chuck> so now i dont have to go to the rape center for free condoms
#638737 (30)
<Sid> SIDS is a sad way for babies to die.
<Sid> They could've grown up to be suicide bombers or something interesting.
<FingerGauntlet> Well
<FingerGauntlet> now you can use the corpses as ammo for small catapults
#638952 (489)
<Criznittle> cox.net
<dersteer> cox started blocking torrents
<badger> coxblocked!
#638999 (691)
<HeatZync> what is the use of the calendar?
<RogueRunner> it's like DNS for days
#639028 (911)
<Z> Letting XP run for more than a month is like re-using a condom 50 or 60 times
<Z> Theoretically it can work, but is sick and ill advised
#639387 (2090)
<Paine> Ah shit guys, I'm fucked.
<Criosys> ?
<Paine> I was showing my mom the way to download and watch music on the computer downstairs (yeah, illegal, sue me). Anyway, I forgot to factor in the fact that there's an option box to "Search my computer for music files".
<Criosys> and...?
<Paine> What I DIDN'T know, was that it also adds video files. So about 5 minutes ago, I walked through the living room, saw my mom and sister at the computer watching the visualisations.
<Paine> On the way back OUT of the room, the song changed, and all of a sudden, hardcore lesbian porn for my mom and sister to enjoy.
<Paine> Now they're banging on the door so I'm turning MY music way up so they can't hear my crying >_<
#639412 (620)
(@DaySleeper) straight people only need gays for the fashion industry
(@DaySleeper) gay people need straights so they don't die out
#639424 (1772)
Nexion: Dustin is so stupid
Nexion: i told him, there is no real proof of god
Nexion: and he goes there doesn't need to be
Nexion: and i said "well then im god"
Nexion: and he goes "prove it."
Nexion: ...