#625032 (905)
<johnnyt> holy crap. have to do a 1500 word history essay
<heffalump75> hey u know the saying....
<heffalump75> just draw 1.5 pictures
#625149 (1762)
<[Midgard]Reynard[50DRG]> a friend of mine once commented that huamns are the only species to go out of our way to obtain milk after we've been weaned, I replied that we were the only species with cookies
#625180 (1335)
<Bao> A friend from college is now getting her PhD in biomedical engineering, and she has a pet rat she has to experiment on, and she had to castrate it for her next procedure.
<Bao> Apparently the thing wasn't fully under anaesthesia, and when she was shaving it, it ejaculated on her.
<Bao> And the most horrible thing is that she shrugs it off and is like, "Who'd have thought the first handjob I'd ever give would be to a rat?!"
#625276 (915)
{RainmakeR}: fuck I'm a retard
{RainmakeR}: I was trying to use windows magnifier to enlarge the dead pixel area to look at it better
{RainmakeR}: i had it open for like 5 seconds, then like "wait a minute... "
#625311 (108)
<Jaques> What if there was a Resident Evil game in France?
<sands> it'd be boring as shit
<sands> all the zombies would run away
#625424 (764)
<Silellak> The Oscars are fucking lame.  Hollywood giving itself a self-congratulatory blowjob over how artsy and deep and relevant it is
<Silellak> When I saw "The Day After Tomorrow" in their montage of movies that addressed serious issues I wanted to throw something at the screen.
<Silellak> Because Day After Tomorrow was as much about global warming as Independence Day was about gay rights
#625794 (1057)
<+CrackB[a]be> jag sa inget om  f stock
<+CrackB[a]be> n‰rmsta stock jag kommer h‰r ‰r dildo haha
<+PurpleHelmetWarrior> i understood dildo, and thats all that i need to know
#625822 (732)
Scott: i need a title for an essay about how i go over and above what is asked of me
Scott: because its a reflection on myself
Austin: "Second to None: The Story of How I Spit on God"
#625865 (1171)
Jeffrey: Heh, what an ass. My friend Vann just beat me at Chess, and he checkmated me by putting my king in check with a pawn...Then saying PAWNED!!1!
#625882 (868)
<Dave123> So I there’s this virgin girl  I know, she is Inconceivable
<Turtleman> no she's unbearable
<NINJAmes> no you idiots, she's Impregnable
#625959 (660)
* McPierce once wrote a webserver in VB that was more powerful than apache.
< bkjones> I once coded an operating more powerful than windows using PHP  while standing on my head and driving a car.
< ScottCh> I once mistyped a command in emacs, and made a more powerful webserver than IIS
#625970 (659)
<Sonic> snow tomorrow. yay.
<Turtle> No snow in the hill country of Texas....where are you expecting your snow, sonic?
<moc> no snow in houston either
<Sonic> pennsylvania
<Sonic> only about 4 more inches
<2slim> we have 4 feet here in Idaho
<fiver> is that due to inbreeding slim?
#625995 (365)
<shok-> ha! just yesterday I was wondering why more solar power applications aren't being built
<shok-> but they are in Shanghai.
<shok-> oh communists, what won't you do?
<Ben^> last for more than a century?
#626063 (1624)
<chuck> I just got two CDs from AOL. Two CDs in one package. One is gold, for dial-up. The other is Silver, for Cable/DSL broadband. They came in a box that was half gold and half silver. The back of the box enumerates the difference between the two available plans.
<chuck> The CDs have different features listed on their labels.
<chuck> I diff'd them. They're identical.
<chuck> bit for bit:
<chuck> chkno$ md5sum /dev/cdrom
<chuck> 43cf5b370b5d85a74afc2449f445579d /dev/cdrom
<chuck> chkno$ md5sum /dev/cdrom
<chuck> 43cf5b370b5d85a74afc2449f445579d /dev/cdrom
#626094 (568)
<JRJohn> At my high school we had a high school cop who would walk around proudly displaying his 9mm glock.
<JRJohn> also, he had about 10 boxes of ammo in his desk.
<ZoFreX> that's a little unsafe
<ZoFreX> ammo should be locked up
<JRJohn> WHY would you need more ammunition than there are kids in the school?
<ZoFreX> doubletap?
#626110 (675)
LutherBifteck: I bet if I wished I was a shapeshifter
LutherBifteck: The genie would give me the power to change triangles into squares
LutherBifteck: And I would be annoyed.
#626249 (2858)
<Handy> There are 2 kinds of people in the world.
<Handy> 1. Those who need closure.
<Marko> And?
<DavyP> AND?
#626251 (168)
<Gorsha> im starting to get pissed with photobucket
<Gorshal> i drew a simple picture and posted it in photobucket and it still shrank the picture to be tiny
<Gorshal> i cant figure out wtf the problem is
<PG> try uploading a pic of your penis
<PG> it's the one thing small enough photobucket won't shrink
#626285 (395)
Dan: It may be Saturday morning, but IRC is the protocol that never sleeps!
azc: As far as I know, the only protocol that sleeps is ACPI :D
#626395 (544)
QB: My brother went to see the Globetrotters last night...
QB: <spoilers>Globetrotters won!</spoilers>
Come: ARG
Come: I HAD THAT ON TAPE
#626425 (538)
<PsychoStreak> Now you can get that 8 ball glass eye you've been wanting.
<ircDaemon> then I can shake my head and people can read my condescending answer without me even saying anything!
#626457 (501)
<dd> who wants to fight me?
<i8b4uUnderground> not me
<i8b4uUnderground> or not i, should i say
<i8b4uUnderground> or i should say, i should say
#626537 (281)
<@michael`_> and i found out that some sophomore at my school ran a stop sign and some dude going the speed limit slammed into her car
<@michael`_> killing her two friends
<@michael`_> she was drunk as hell, apparently
<@michael`_> and she just got acquitted of vehicular manslaughter today
<@michael`_> shes on facebook too
<@michael`_> Sarah Pennell wrote
<@michael`_> at 10:49pm March 2nd, 2006
<@michael`_> You.....Me....Large amounts of alcohol = this weekend!!
#626676 (1643)
ShamanMumboJumbo: Dude, I hate AIM Triton but I had to get it because all my friends have it and I can't share files otherwise
ViewtifulDom: Peer2Peer Pressure?
#626884 (747)
Frencheneesz: what if there was a super hero who had the power to transfer his own boredom to his enemies?
SombrousKnight: how'd he get these powers? gamma radiation while waiting in line at the DMV?