#616101 (1027)
<J-Dawg> no, I just refuse to turn on my heat after my $255 heating bill
<WeirdAl> 1 dollar more and you'd need another bit
#616259 (3915)
<Jenny> I love you.
<Jenny> I just wanted you to know, incase you were starting to doubt.
<Phalanx> My bro's not here right now, and by the way he's cheating on you.
#616340 (467)
@redhook: I'm surprised california doesnt require large neon writing on handguns that say "WARNING: Bullet Comes Out Here ->>>" pointing at the barrel
#616678 (32)
Nobdepot signed on at 4:00:27 PM.
VenuSparkle85 (4:00:37 PM): hey
Nobdepot (4:00:39 PM): hey
VenuSparkle85 (4:00:41 PM): brb
Nobdepot (4:00:54 PM): wtf??? you messaged me just to say that?]
Nobdepot (5:43:35 PM): ...
#616894 (1687)
<inspin> so just as I cutting into my pizza, the bell rang
<inspin> It was the little girl from nextdoor, asking where my sister was
<inspin> so I hold up the knife covered in tomatosauce and say in an evil voice "she's not here right now"
<3ll3> LOL
<inspin> so she screams and runs away
<inspin> I felt guitly so I start chasing her saying "I'm sorry"
<inspin> Then her father sees me chasing after his little girl with, what he must have thougt, a bloody knife
<3ll3> I hope he called the cops on you :p
<inspin> well no, but I don't think I'm getting my knife back anytime soon :(
#616895 (2743)
[translated from German]
<MuschiExpress> kater are you there?
<KoolerKater> yeah
<MuschiExpress> What kind of spaz are you?
<KoolerKater> what's up?
<MuschiExpress> You were supposed to burn my holiday videos on DVD for my wife
<MuschiExpress> NOT your porn collection ffs
<KoolerKater> omg wait a minute... you said you wanted the holiday stuff and that porn
<MuschiExpress> Yes, but on TWO, in numbers, 2, you understand, TWO DVDs!!!
<KoolerKater> ...
#616898 (949)
<Korru> Quite friendly hacker/account thief
<Korru> Returned my account, got a message in email with the password.
<Korru> "Thanks for the loan"
#617003 (1562)
<Rjx> see i'm fully willing to honour "valentines day" as long as the female in question honours "naked nintendo day"
#617073 (25)
GregatCW: gee, the more people are paid the more useless they are? "For the most part, typing skills are inversely proportional to salary; meaning,  the more money someone makes, the worse they are at typing."
suoiritras: ya
suoiritras: so, except, does that mean myspace is occupied by billionaires?
GregatCW: .... must be... you've discovered the secret to my space...
#617265 (1320)
<apeloverage> my friend was fired from his job in a sex shop
<apeloverage> when his boss found evidence that he'd been looking at bus timetables on his work computer
#617477 (1382)
<Nichole> at what point do you cross that line from "seeing someone" to "boyfriend/girlfriend" status
<RobbiePaul> After he starts hitting you
<Nichole> fist or open handed?
#617492 (555)
<+Toba> heh, you can chmod a file to 007
<+Toba> license to be killed
#617739 (158)
* Josh` is listening to : In Flames - Vacuum.mp3
<NoEvidenZ> that song sucks.
#617880 (2327)
<anial8r> you know what? KFC is ONE letter yes ONE letter away from fuck.
<anial8r> i have just thought of their next motto
<anial8r> KFC! the only thing missing is U!
#618078 (2099)
ErrorHst : im getting tired of your ignorance
DoomDayMassacre : im not ignoring u
#618165 (2783)
* Sinbad changes topic to '15000 atheists in London rioted after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk'
#618396 (908)
<zshzn> the other day my programming teacher said "Richaaaard....I have a technical problem"
<zshzn> I looked over to see that his tower was gone. just not there.
<zshzn> how that happened, I don't know
<zshzn> about four of us went and stood around his desk in quiet confusion
<zshzn> one of them was like 'at least you still have a mouse...'
#618579 (2250)
<Altair> hey guys
<Altair> gotta question for you all.
<Altair> If you could listen to one song before you died, what would it be?
<Spike> The song that never ends?
#618715 (-176)
<Buzzons> its not i dont know how to do it, its just i dont know why its erroring
#618717 (494)
<C@^^31> data mining is a lucrative business, my uncle founded Datatown over near Silicon Valley back in '49
<C@^^31> died of the 01001lung
#618750 (1390)
<Fong Pei> So... today in class, we were playing with voice recognition on a power book.
<Fong Pei> Someone told it "Computer, destroy the world as we know it"
<Fong Pei> Right after that was said... someone else's laptop finishes booting up and plays the windows sound...
<Fong Pei> whole class bursted out laughing
#618970 (1302)
<PoPsI>Today in english, my teacher asked us to write down one thing we regretted or wondered what would've happened if we had done something else.
<PoPsI>After that, he asked us to share some and he picked me.
<PoPsI>He's like "What did you write down?" and i say "I wonder what would've happened if i had taken the red pill..."
<PoPsI>Then everyone stared at me...it was hella funny.
#619062 (2216)
<Serpentor> My sister has this one friend of hers (who's 19 about to turn 20).. goddamit the girl is the cutest thing .. (her friend, not my sister you fucking pervert). Whenever I see her I want to fucking beat off (again, the friend, not my fucking sister you misinterpretter)
<PainBreak> i think Serpentor has a guilty conscience
#619483 (1975)
<Viperz> I don't know what to write on my college application for community service that I've done...
<SG> Priest in World of Warcraft
#619614 (2626)
<Conflict> my girlfriend tattooed this guy's dick last week and when i came home i was like "how'd the tattoo go?" and she goes "fine, except that I needed both hands so I had to hold his cock in my mouth." i was like "thats ni-you whaaa?!??"