#564186 (671)
<Raidonkid> My sister is fucking slow. She came home last night complaining about how her boyfriend lied to her and got her pregnant. He told her he was circumcized twice and she thought it meant he was sterile.
#564197 (469)
<+host> finally, I got some good help in #debian in freenode
<+host> and another lesson learned
<+host> I will never let someone ssh to my computer to upgrade it
<+host> again
#564283 (2299)
<jdigittl> i just filled out an online mortgage application to test something. I just received a phone call from a mortgage broker: "Hi, I'd like to speak with, um, Mr Testy McTest..."
#564342 (761)
<Kiell> So I get a text message on Friday from a number I didn't recognise...
<Kiell> it reads:
<Kiell> "Hi agatha this is betty i do not have very many clothes to be ironed this week i am sorry but please can you come next week. i hope you are well. betty."
<Kiell> I ponder this for an hour or two, and then reply:
<Kiell> "That's ok, betty.  I fucking suck at ironing. See you next week.  Aggie."
#564744 (683)
<YelseyKing> I was in a spelling bee once, when I was in second grade.
<YelseyKing> The funny part is, it was for fifth and sixth graders.
<YelseyKing> I was one of the last ones left standing, but I lost thanks to &%&$&(%(&$& Mary Poppins.
<Indogutsu> They made you spell "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?"
<YelseyKing> No. "Chimney."
#564748 (776)
Gimpy: lifes a bitch and im her pimp
HjMC: Fuck life!
Gimpy: that'll be 50 dollars
#564774 (1970)
<narg> So my sister is about to enter college, and she was telling everyone her room number - 404.
<narg> Then one day, she was looking at a college letter with my parents, and she's like crap, my room number is 414!
<narg> Reflexivly, I said if people went there, they would be like 404: Julie not found.
<narg> No one even looked my way ;(
#564842 (1564)
<%typobox43> (I/O, I/O, it's to the bus we go)
<%typobox43> I can just imagine the electrical pulses singing that.
<+BlindFool> You need to be shot
#565246 (971)
<snow> hurricanes are like women
<snow> when they come, they're wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car.
#565281 (645)
<cjr> My dad was in Edinburgh on holiday, and he was walking around a street with lots of expensive restaurants
<cjr> And there was a homeless guy selling magazines at the corner
<cjr> So he bought one, and had a chat
<cjr> Then he asked "Do you know any good restaurants around here?"
<cjr> The homeless guy just stares at him for about ten seconds and says "Yeah, I don't really eat out very often... but I'd imagine they are all pretty good"
<cjr> I think my dad ran away after that
#565565 (1621)
<Buddy`leftBehind`Lee> My wife demanded I take her out some place expensive
<Buddy`leftBehind`Lee> I took her to a gas station
#566068 (52)
Yojimbo: Why do they bother calling them biker chicks, why not just "dykers?"
#566576 (1262)
<Shinji> good thing my microphone converts text two words! i never half too worry about some won beeting me two the punchlime.
#567023 (578)
<RamaWURK> THe first few hours of work
<RamaWURK> Just drag on
<Jato> Hey Rama.
<The_Orichalcon> Rama, play "What's that noise"
<The_Orichalcon> it helps pass the time
<Jato> How do you play "What's that noise"
<The_Orichalcon> you listen for a little while, and try to hear a noise that you can't quite make out
<The_Orichalcon> then you go around finding out what's making the noise
<The_Orichalcon> or the multiplayer version
<The_Orichalcon> if you have mates that are bored
<RamaWURK> lol
<The_Orichalcon> they make some noises
<The_Orichalcon> and you have to find out where and what they are
<Jato> TO, you are on a whole other level of boredom.
#567151 (-817)
<@ChrisH> Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes
<@ChrisH> by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident"
<@ChrisH> "OH DEAR GOD NO!!!" George W. Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!"  His
<@ChrisH> staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the
<@ChrisH> president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President, devastated, looks
<@ChrisH> up and asks..........  "How many is a Brazillion??!"
#567437 (2201)
Nail: my chemistry teacher has bad grammar
Traceur: how so
Nail: princiPAL laws of quantum numbers
Traceur: he put principle?
Nail: no
Nail: put principal
Traceur: do yuo know the difference between those two wordS?
Nail: yeah, principal is like the school administrator
Nail: because he's your pal
Traceur: 'principal' also means 'main'
Traceur: a 'principle' is a concept
Traceur: your principal failure comes from not understanding the principles of grammar.
Nail: fuck you.
#567959 (470)
Genovese Laptop: so how long does it take to eat doom 3 hell
OpenSourceKeys: depends on the size of your bytes
Genovese Laptop: ba-zing
#567966 (1780)
<n909> cool the girl across the street has her window on
<n909> and it's light enough that i can use binoculars
<n909> brb
<jack|ass> n909: you are a horrible person.
<jack|ass> n909: a gentleman would set up a webcam so all could enjoy.
#568344 (422)
<Brian> I'll drink to that.
<Huitzil> You'll drink to changing the batteries in your smoke detector!
<Huitzil> Which is quite important, don't get me wrong, but not really a drinkable occurance.
<Brian> Hey!  I don't have a drinking problem!
<Brian> If anything, I'm TOO good at it. <_<
#569075 (325)
<Nitrix> Im using VI to edit a file, is anyone able to tell me how i save and exit?
* EvolutionCrazy has joined #ev1servers
<agruetz> Nitrix :wq!
<Nitrix> whats :wq!?
<Nitrix> as in i press colon on the keyboard?
<Nitrix> so ALT ; ?
<agruetz> no shift + ;
<agruetz> maybe you should not be touching a computer let alone be a server admin on a *nix box...
#569178 (179)
<SharpShooter>  else if( $A['type'] ']']']']']== ']']']']']==']']']']==']']']==']']==']=='poll' )  <--- anything wrong with that line?
<@Gordon> Ya, I get kinda dizzy when I try to read it
<@Working> what the fuck.
#569287 (261)
[@Swiftar]: 1-800-Flowers just sent me the "I Fucked Your Sister, I'm Sorry" deal. Buy 24 roses get 24 free.
#569645 (1467)
<Thrice> my computer has 400 NIGGABYTES FREE!!!!!!
<Deadbolt> niggabytes count as 3/5 of a byte, right?
#571740 (2452)
DerANgeD: not cool! ctrl+w closes firefox
DerANgeD: I was trying to press shift+w and accidentally hit my ctrl button
Triumph: whats shift+w?
DerANgeD: a capital W dumbass
#571826 (373)
Annabel0Lee: I saw Jesus in my pop tart this morning.
LUunfortunate: did you eat it?
Annabel0Lee: Yes, is that wrong?
LUunfortunate: You coulda made money off of it
LUunfortunate: and then bought like a bunch of replacement poptarts
Annabel0Lee: Well, I haven't had communion in a while...