QDB — Browse Quotes

#408913 (1750)

(ComradOtter) "A train station is where a train stops. A bus station is where a bus stops. On my desk I have a workstation..."

#408949 (1029)

<Ghozt> So I was brushing my teeth and had to go to the bathroom, so I walked into the bathroom to take a #1 while brushing my teeth. I get my thing out and all the sudden my left hand starts jerking off my dick. I'm like, wtf!? Turns out I just had one of those "pat your head while rubbing your stomach" moments.

#408950 (1498)

[eddo] What's the job application to Hooters?
[eddo] They just give you a bra and say: Here, fill this out?

#408951 (486)

<ExT> Can you spell *CENCUR*
<ExT> Or was it... SENSUR?
<Clownie> not any more
<ExT> maybe SENZUR?
<ExT> ZENCUR?
<ExT> Allright then
<Lebowske> lol
<Clownie> I'll just pick letters from a scrabble bag, I have more chance of being right than you

#408973 (2857)

<FoXeh> The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass
<FoXeh> Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
<FoXeh> Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
<FoXeh> Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
<FoXeh> Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

#409151 (899)

<rolo> alright, someone pls explain to me what the fuck "it" is in the phrase "keep it real"
<draco> yeah, and how/why does it become fake?
<thrgy> and why the fuck is everyone its keeper?!?!?!
* traxor has quit IRC (Quit: it has failed to be kept real in here)

#409223 (2502)

<Apocalypse> So I was at work and decided to entertain myself, everyone else went out to lunch and I was by myself
<Apocalypse> Pron was 1st on the list, so I start surfing the internet, following links to various sites, and after 5 minutes or so I decided to stop
<Apocalypse> By then I had 30 or so screens opened up, all maximised, and while I'm closing them one by one (admiring the pics one last time) I hear a door open nearby and turn around to look, and I kept clicking
<Apocalypse> Unfortunately, my mouse must have moved a little, because when I turned back I realised I was clicking on the "print" button instead, over and over and over :/
<Apocalypse> And to make things worse, things get printed downstairs in a special room, then get brought up to us to make things more conveniant
<Apocalypse> In brief, in 10 minutes time I have to see the boss and explain why I decided to print out 10 or so full page pictures of two girls fingering each other on the floor :(

#409361 (86)

<Vartia> whats up Xery?
<Xerion> just looking at my harddrives hoping they are capable of mating so i can put some data on their offspring :)

#409549 (-94)

[Talrin] (OOC), "When you beat me in hand to hand combat..."
[Axel] (OOC), "*challenges Talrin to Rock, Paper, Scissors*"
[Cordt] (OOC), "Hand to hand."
[Cordt] (OOC), "He's got a point."
[Talrin] (OOC), "Okay..."
[Talrin] (OOC), "...1...2...3...ROCK!"
[Axel] (OOC), "1...2...3...NATURAL TWENTY!"
[Talrin] (OOC), "..."

#410657 (1683)

KelBell853: im 4'12'' 82 pounds, hazel eyes, brown hair blond highlights, medium length hair
i am KTIK: 4'12"?
KelBell853: yeah 4 feet 12 inches
i am KTIK: I hope you're kidding.
KelBell853: im dead serious
i am KTIK: How many inches are in a foot?
KelBell853: 12
i am KTIK: Put two and two together...
KelBell853: opps yeah im 5 foot

#410676 (356)

#410847 (776)

nordic24sweet: Statistically speaking, the job of pizza delivery driver is a more dangerous job than that of fire fighting.
wastedVegas: that makes sense. A friend of mine who was a pizza dilivery guy was once offered a blow job by a guy he delivered a pizza to. That shit doesn't happen to Firefighters

#411155 (237)

<Twins> I watched a vesectomy reversal last night
<Fullauto> eeeh
<Fullauto> I hate nose surgery
<Fullauto> it's soooo sick
<Twins> D:
<Twins> Vasectomy = genital surgery D:
* Fullauto runs back to modelling

#411654 (11)

<SoulFlayer> i have read every single quote on bash.org
<VDJ> you know, thats kinda like saying i have memorized the windows 95 source code

#411849 (31)

Mugen clutches his hard
(+Mugen) heart*
(+Mugen) O_O damn

#411986 (212)

<Arkangel> hey, bork
<[TMBJ]Bork_Tanbey> hi ark
<DCz_power> hey borg
<DCz_power> er
<DCz_power> Bork
<Arkangel> haha
<Arkangel> they should make Borg porno
<Arkangel> and the catch phrase is "RESISTANCE IS FERTILE"
<[TMBJ]Bork_Tanbey> YOU WILL BE INSEMINATED. RESISTANCE IS FERTILE.

#412106 (590)

<brently> i want a girl
<enigmiac> me too
<brently> a good girl
<enigmiac> we'll see
<brently> a partner
<enigmiac> good girls are hard to fuck
<enigmiac> er,
<enigmiac> find FIND!
<enigmiac> I MEANT TO SAY FIND
<brently> mmhmm

#412119 (118)

* Hugahay is like a deer in headlights
<Entrak> Stupid enough to see it coming?

#412122 (2350)

<Tscully> Gimme a C!
<Lich> C!
<MikeB> C
<A_Flayer> C!!
<Tscully> Gimme a H!
<Lich> H!
<MikeB> H
<A_Flayer> H!
<Tscully> Gimme a EESE!
<Lich> EESE...
<MikeB> EESE!
<A_Flayer> EESE
<Tscully> Gimme a CAKE!
<Lich> CAKE!
<MikeB> CAKE
<A_Flayer> CAKE!!
*Tscully runs off with the three cakes
<Tscully> Suckers.

#412140 (1705)

* Therapist is now known as TheRapist
<Zvorg> ...
<JebusCrip> ...
<Stateobv> dotdotdot
<TheRapist> What? I like capitalizing random letters..

#412146 (-62)

VerusMaya: my business card :-P
VerusMaya: I have 75 or so business cards printed
VerusMaya: 50 going out with flyers around neighborhood
PooMaster451: gheeey
VerusMaya: pssh
PooMaster451: you should sell lemonade too
VerusMaya: haha
PooMaster451: 25 cents a glass
PooMaster451: on the street corner
PooMaster451: like THE WHORE YOU ARE
VerusMaya: o_O

#412159 (508)

marksydneyshaw: I haven't been at school since 1981
ChristianOtte87: No, you're old.
marksydneyshaw: Yes I was19 then!
ChristianOtte87: Damn.
marksydneyshaw: But I'm really just a big kid, as Legion said, who still reads comics!
ChristianOtte87: No, you're pretty much an old guy living in denial.

#412232 (449)

<Lalavava> Load this room with 1000 bananas and what do you get
<K19> Banana netsplit

#412241 (1941)

<Elysium> I think I need to watch some porn for luck
<gNaRKiLL> doesnt work
<gNaRKiLL> id be the luckiest fucker alive
<gNaRKiLL> id shit leprachauns

#412248 (12047)

<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified.