#306020 (1401)
<Jericho24.> -=AFK=- I"m not here right now, if you"d like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone.
#306669 (498)
<E-Claire> We're doing a play in drama.
<A-C> oh yeah?
<E-Claire> Yeah. A play about soviet Russia
<E-Claire> Only we're using household animals. We got the idea from Orwell's animal farm.
<A-C> Will you have Gerbils?
<E-Claire> Nah...he was nazi germany.
#306831 (1648)
<Toggan> Hot Threesome looking for 2 more.... send /msg
#307172 (548)
<Jaidev> If you want to know what I think about bottled water, what does 'Evian' spell backwards?
#307185 (1051)
<BabyBobDole> this bible thumper that used to work at domino's gave me shit about using slang all the time
<BabyBobDole> he was like "you're so good with linguistics, why do you say stuff like that?"
<BabyBobDole> i was like "it's called colloquialism, BITCH"
#307358 (647)
<Arctic_Wolf> My friends parents bought him the nice DDR pads so he could lose some weight.
<Arctic_Wolf> He gets in trouble whenever they find out he's bought a non DDR PS2 game.
<Arctic_Wolf> "HOW IS ARMORED CORE 2 SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT, WONG?"
#307376 (815)
<mehonae128> Was ist den der Fahrplan fur zwei?
<mehonae128> what is the time table for 4?
<mehonae128> 1,4,8,12,16,20
<mehonae128> or
<mehonae128> eins,vier,acht,zwolf,sechzehn,zwanzig
<Seppel> 1 is not on the time table for 4.
<mehonae128> 4 time 1 is 1
<Seppel> You're an idiot.
<mehonae128> anything times 1 oh wait
#307385 (1819)
<passagero> i'm romanian man,i have 18yers old and try to found some one who want to have a relation sheep with me
#307625 (404)
<Duo> I paint stripes on my pc, and it makes me feel it can go faster
#307977 (985)
<Black> Half-Life II!
* Black falls to his knees.
* enderak unzips
* Black worships
<WizzoMaFizzo> :S
#308049 (1255)
<Baloogan> girls who give blowjobs are fucked in the head
#308143 (363)
Retrace: so what is she?
Retrace: a .073 or a 10.0000000001
cryptic: shes like an 8
Retrace: whoa
Retrace: wait....a internet 8 or a real world 8?
#308150 (543)
-!- Chellez has joined #help
<Chellez> where can i get programs?
<ferret> Chellez: The internet.
<Chellez> does this program have cervers?
<ferret> Chellez: The internet has servers.
<Chellez> how do i access them?
<ferret> Chellez: By pointing a web or ftp browser at them, usually.
-!- Chellez has left #help
<ferret> Another user helped o/
#308160 (1144)
<T|gz> Ya know, it'd be kinda cool to taste with your hands like flies...
<t-f-i> ....
<T|gz> You can just stick your hand on someones food, and you can taste it.
<t-f-i> Have fun, guess you'll have to give up masterbation.
<T|gz> Oh fuck, nm.
#308197 (377)
(%b0x) there used to be this song by Genesis that said "Jesus knows me, and he knows I'm right."
(%b0x) apparently though, i used to go around singing "Jesus knows me, and he knows I'm white!" when I was 5 rofl
#308207 (256)
<jrk> who the fuck would pretend to be a lawyer?
<jrk> i want to pretend to be a porn star.
<Ipsa> hey a lawyer fucks more people than a pornstar ever will :)
<Ipsa> I fuck people all day
<jrk> true.  but you're the ron jeremy of law.
<jrk> not everyone has your prowess.
#308267 (506)
(Damage|rysny) whats the difference between michael jackson and acne?
(tkd-cod|enm1ty) dunno, what?
(Damage|rysny) acne waits till 13 to come on your face.
#308569 (930)
<Bopo> 10mbit <-
<@swelt> thats nice for you, and we are all glad you brought it to our attention
<@swelt> we admire your amazing connection, and assume that your penis is proportionally large too
<@swelt> we can only hope to attain such large connections (and genetalia) ourselves
#308626 (662)
<jxl> MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FILTHY WHORES.
#308674 (193)
<@sxh> anyone got links to the nick berg vid?
<@D1> nick berg is hilarious.
<@D1> whats the video about?
<@D1> oh wait, thats nick cannon
#308708 (607)
<J-Mart> ok
<J-Mart> this is the sickest thing ive ever heard
<J-Mart> this girl that ive been friends with for a long time
<J-Mart> she got plastered last night
<J-Mart> so she starts laughin and told me that she did something really embarassing and she got grounded
<J-Mart> so im all like "whats wrong babe"
<J-Mart> and she hesitated
<J-Mart> and what came next i would have never guessed
<J-Mart> shes like "i took a poop in my closet"
<wc16> ...rofl
<J-Mart> and i didnt know what to say so i hung up
<kirbster> wtf.... rofl
<J-Mart> then she called back and said she was sorry and not to tell anybody
<J-Mart> so i promised i wouldnt
<J-Mart> then she was like "maybe the dog did it"
<CJinx> rofl
<J-Mart> SHE BLAMED IT ON THE DOG COME ON
<[SG]> roflmao
<J-Mart> and i stare at her ass all the time!
#308766 (399)
<xPinkyx> Nate, did you know my hand is part of an indian tribe called Slapaho?
#308940 (907)
<Jessicaaa> :| well thats disserpointing
<Jessicaaa> anyone do the iq test thing on bbc1?
<Jessicaaa> i got dumb this year :'(
<Neodymium> I knew that from the minute you typed 'disserpointing'
#308953 (1699)
<Trust> How fast is a 486?
<Archon> dude, a 486 is 486mhz
<Archon> thats why its called a 486 you dumb fucking newb
#308977 (169)
<Fandang0-> whats that band that the lead singer looks like Val Kilmer?
<thaRuler> the doors?