#196311 (396)
<muffins> Okay, earlier, when I said "FUCK" and left, my grandfather came with a truck load of wood for me to cart someplace. Because "Good Christian Young Men" do things like use chainsaws and cart wood.
<muffins> Another thing Good Christian Young Men do is shoot guns. And go to church. I think I'm failing.
<RedBeard> muffins: so kill two birds with one stone. shoot guns in church.
#196317 (646)
<STEELE1381> I just spent about 10 minutes taking an online IQ test that popped up onto my screen.
<STEELE1381> Then, when I was finished, they made me fill out all this registration stuff before giving me my score.
<sirhc614> How'd you do?
<STEELE1381> Judging by the fact that I game them my email address to find out a number representing my intelligence that they semi-randomly calculated, I think I failed.
#196333 (725)
<CAMeRON> i have the best new insult - cockgoggles
<CAMeRON> aaHAEHaeH aeHaeHaeHaehaeH
<KEiRAN> thats pretty pisspoor cameron
<CAMeRON> SHUT UP, COCKGOGGLES
<KEiRAN> yeah, i didnt see that one coming
#196362 (508)
<vindalou> but you know how all gossip has a grain of truth
<Bishi> I heard your mom's a real dirty slut
#196386 (419)
<Santa> all these chocolate bullets
<Biscram> isnt there something you're forgetting to do tonight santa
<Santa> THE PRESENTS!?
* Santa is away, (brb delivering presents)
#196411 (752)
<deo> theres a road near me called "the queens passage"
<emsy> LMAO
<deo> heh....the funny thing is....theres a pub next to it.........called "the kings head"......
<emsy> ROTF
#196421 (222)
<fudge> wow
<fudge> i am blessed
<fudge> ffx-2 AND an AOL 9.0 disc
<ShinakuTK_> ...some one gave you a AOHELL disk for a crimbo present?
<fudge> i doubt it's a xmas present
<fudge> i just get them all year then give them away at halloween to the kiddies
<ShinakuTK_> lol
#196425 (781)
<ubmentor> guys..greatest dialogue ever
<ubmentor> check this out
<ubmentor> girl: oh my god, that was incredible
<ubmentor> guy: yeah.. you're amazing.  you almost made me come
<ubmentor> girl: what?! then what the hell did I swallow?!
<SilentSnipa> hahaha
#196573 (567)
Manghuntr9: i am taking a piece of KRAFT cheese to church with me in the hopes that i can get an extra piece of jesus and make a sandwich
#196725 (303)
<_pr1me> Nothing says christmas like handjobs in the olive garden bathroom for $2 a piece
#196793 (468)
<ElderGodSmack> The quickest way to a woman's heart is with a knife.
#196797 (259)
<EiNHanDeR MK II> does anyone find it peculiar that the winner of the running olympics is black, and the white guys always win rifle and accuracy competitions?
#197075 (664)
<Bijiy> SEABISCUIT!!!
<[On-Air]NiM> Bijiy
<[On-Air]NiM> I watched that movie with my mom
<Bijiy> I did too
<[On-Air]NiM> I will never watch a movie with my mom again
<Bijiy> same
<[On-Air]NiM> at the part in the stable she was like
<[On-Air]NiM> WOW LOOK AT HOW BIG THE HORSES C0CK IS
<Bijiy> heh
<[On-Air]NiM> and I was like, OMG PLEASE NO...
<Bijiy> hahahaha
#197437 (895)
<darklink570> at first i thought that "ping? pong!" was just chanserv making fun of my chinese heritage
#197652 (-50)
LoRrigeer--: Dont dl porn
ULVENMASTER: i dont, im mature
LoRrigeer--: you dl mature porn?
ULVENMASTER: no, im mature so i dont dl porn
LoRrigeer--: so like ur married?
#197753 (331)
<Capt_Suicide> god fucking damnit
<Capt_Suicide> my sister puked all over my toilet
<Capt_Suicide> i just fucking cleaned that thing earlier from where nathan shit all over it
<Capt_Suicide> good thing i bought that toilet bowl cleaner today
<Kornered> what a rediculous thing to waste your money on
<FaQz0r> get a dog
<FaQz0r> dogs clean everything
#197845 (6788)
<SRG> Metallica sold out in 45 mins :/
<NotOneOfUs> Yeah I know.
<NotOneOfUs> Oh wait
<NotOneOfUs> You mean, like, a concert?
<SRG> yes
#198076 (1068)
SomethingTrifty: I'm vegetarian for a different reason
SomethingTrifty: It's not because I like animals
SomethingTrifty: i just fucking hate plants
#198132 (781)
<@SLing> anyway I love grocery shopping because I get to make my family look like fools
<@SLing> the other day we were at the grocery store
<@SLing> and the first place was all the melons (like canteloupe, grapefruit, etc)
<evolsoulx> mmhmm
<@SLing> anyway I remembered hearing from some TV chef that before buying melons you're supposed to knock on them
<@SLing> so
<@SLing> I stood there
<@SLing> for five minutes
<@SLing> knocking on melons
<@SLing> people started looking at me strange
<evolsoulx> lol
<@SLing> I was like "It's ok, the TV chef told me to"
<Erik> lol
<@SLing> I'd knock on one and be like "This one sounds fresh"
<@SLing> long story short I don't have to go grocery shopping anymore
#198381 (567)
<Jeff> god...yesterday morning sucked hard
<Jeff> I woke up and took a shower, when I got out to find clothes, I opened the dryer and as I was rummaging around, I saw a dollar, so im like yoink...then I found another dollar, im like yeah! some sucker lost their dollars........then I found my paycheck...then my wallet.
#198383 (192)
<Nemo> whoa
<Nemo> i was like downstars
<Nemo> making a sandwich
<Nemo> and i started singing subconsciously
<Nemo> and when i realized that i was making noises
<Nemo> it turned out i was like screaming the theme song to crank yankers
<Nemo> and like
<Nemo> the lady next door called the cops and shit
<Nemo> oh man
<Nemo> :(
#198447 (529)
<Hackwiz> oh yeah plus today my dad's car ran out of gas on the way out of the exit towards crawford street and we started pushing then a cop came behind us, gave us a ride home to get keys to the car's trunk to get gas tank. then so I go back to get gas tank I walk through the field because I think it will be shorter than going around the corner and walking all the way down the highway.  I did not notice there was a mother fuc*ing stream there!!! i was like a mile down the highway and I said fuc* it so I tried,.... TRIED to jump the stream, came up short, broke through the ice and got full-body soaked, this was 3:40 pm, i had to work at 4, well I got out of the water, muddy and soaked. then i see a fuc*ing fuc*ing fuc*ing!!! barb wire fence!!! bitc*, i jump it slicing my thumb, i bleed, but it's aight. get the gas can and my computer games and crossover cable, start walking back home soaked, two hot girls stop and pull over to give me a ride home then i forogot, also the office smelled alcohol on my dad's breath so he said if my dad went back to drive the car home he would make sure he got arrested.
<Hackwiz> How was your day?
<LiKeM> OMG
#198452 (598)
<Dante> haha
<Dante> <Alb-guy> I just caught my 15 year old girl, masturbating with a vibrating 'control pad' on a Nintendo Gamecube. Now I am banning this vibrator from my household, but I am concerned about other teenagers who are using these products as masturbation aids.
<Brian> HAHAHAHAHAAHA
<Dante> so GameCubes do have their use after all!
#198764 (1549)
<Death> Hey, Jeff, how do you kill someone when they're on your nick?
<Jeff> Oh, easy /ns ghost nick password
<Death> Thanks.
<Death> Die.
*** Signoff: Jeff (Killed (NickServ (GHOST command used by Death)))
#199293 (489)
<davidr> w00t! I installed a camera and a monitor ... the cam points at my door so I don't have to turn my head to see if somebody opens the door
<iku> ;D
<davidr> and now I'll start recording everything so I don't even have to listen to my family, I'll just watch it when I have time