#818440
(2019)<Runter> If I ever become ruler of the world <Runter> I'm going to hold huge "Where's Waldo" contests <Runter> Dress one guy up as waldo and put him in a crowd of like 1000 people <Runter> and get people from helicopters to try to find him <Runter> to win they have to shoot him <Jay> Why would you have to shoot him? <Runter> Because I've always wanted to fucking kill waldo. I mean seriously who doesn't fucking hate him? <Jay> I don't <Runter> Well then, do you like dress-up? #818471
(514)<BluECliQ> My uncle from South Carolina is visiting for the week. <BluECliQ> I haven't seen this guy in 10 years and we have nothing in common, but I have to make small talk for another 5 hours until my mom gets home. <champlor> what kinda stuff is he into? <BluECliQ> He hunts, fishes, drinks and works for a cable company. <champlor> your uncle is larry the cable guy? <BluECliQ> If he says 'git er done', I'm leaving my house. #819212
(406)swansonmarpalum: I dunno swansonmarpalum: I do not think I would hang around someone who could not get hard and fuck me Sigma X: Wait swansonmarpalum: I mean if I was a chick. #819217
(847)<Dark_Fox> Wheee.. Hooray for USB2.0's slow ass read/write bandwidth <Dark_Fox> I get to watch my mod compile at the blazing speed of a snail <Zail_Dark> snails are interesting <Dark_Fox> I don't think they make for good eats, though <Zail_Dark> what if it were a giant snail that was eating you? <Dark_Fox> then i would be in soviet russia #820128
(785)<Blee> i went downtown for halloween and we saw a midget <Blee> and this guy was like "THAT COSTUME IS AWESOME" <Blee> oh it was horrible but everyone laughed #820499
(1339)<Archie> thanks to opera for the wii, i can now watch youtube on my tv <Archie> we have gone full circle #820509
(1444)<+JimBastard> you wouldnt believe what just happened <+JimBastard> i've been tracking my macbook all day on fedex, gets signed for by "One CHILETA" at 3pm...while im at work <+JimBastard> turns it was misdelivered....TO THE MARCY PROJECTS IN BROOKLYN <+JimBastard> A BRAND NEW LAPTOP <+JimBastard> so what did jim bastard do? <+JimBastard> I put on a button up shirt, black leather jacket, kakhis, and a dress shoes <+JimBastard> went to the address <+JimBastard> and pretended i was a detective <+JimBastard> laptop is sitting on their desk <+JimBastard> "Maam I'm here about a misdelievered package" <+JimBastard> "We know its here" <+JimBastard> "We just want it back, or else I'm going to have to come back with a warrant" <+JimBastard> "and no one wants that" <+JimBastard> never underestimate the power of a well dressed well spoken white man in the hood <+JimBastard> the guy took one look at me as he was walking towards the door....turned around and came back with the package #820585
(3262)<ndruo> i'm usig my onscreen keyboard <ndruo> i's very triksies <ndruo> he ltters re vry mall <NeroMan> Translation: The letters are very small. <ndruo> this will enhance my FPS skills <SuperJoe> What's the translation for that? <NeroMan> Translation: This will enhance my sexual ability. <ndruo> i hte you. <ndruo> GOD <NeroMan> Translation: I love you, GENERAL ZOD <ndruo> iffclt is this <ndruo> :( <NeroMan> Translation: This is difficult to the point I am saddened <SuperJoe> General Zod is pretty cool, I'll admit. <ndruo> 8=======D translte this <NeroMan> Translation: "My penis is small enough that I can make a life size depiction of it using IRC text." #820787
(1303)(Andrzej) I had a waking dream about a tsunami once (Andrzej) except the tsunami was made out of clowns. (Andrzej) and I was 5 (Andrzej) I didn't sleep that night #822005
(1111)<kumaro> i got home for a terrible day at work so i decided to take a quick shower. <kumaro> so i got in, took my clothes off and turned the shower on <kumaro> like usual, i danced around and made a mohawk with my hair <kumaro> it was going great until i let out a big rip <kumaro> man, it was horrible <kumaro> im not even kidding <kumaro> i coulndt take the smell so i was held my breath <kumaro> after maybe 40 secs, i gasped for air not realizing the shower was still on <kumaro> so i inhaled a lot of water right <kumaro> i was coughing like crazy then BAM! <kumaro> i slipped on the shampoo bottle and hit my head on the side of the bathtub and i was knocked out cold <kumaro> to make a long story short, i woke up 40 mins later naked with my mom slapping me in the face telling me to wake up. <dvo> wow, that sounds really kinky <kumaro> talk about a horrible day #822316
(2366)<@J^raxis> Some people have some weird fetishes. Which is fine. Then they take photos of them, which is not. #823025
(1991)<tgr> i told my girlfriend that she's "math girl, doer of math: unable to integrate with society, only with functions of x" <tgr> and guys, this is why she's my girlfriend. she said: <tgr> "i could do a u substitution..." #823214
(9229)<Cyan> Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot. <Cyan> Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him. <Cyan> So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had: <Cyan> 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly." <dan> Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver! #823861
(1455)Inflames: Dude, my sister had sex with some guy 15 minutes before he was 18. Then she called me and told me. Inflames: I was like, wtf? I don't wanna know that. Sandman: wow Sandman: She doing anything February 17th at 11:45pm? #824107
(770)<Gamer> Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don't look down. #824171
(1758)drool: i did a bit of an audit one month and discovered i had spent $600 on alcohol so i gave it up drool: the auditing, not the alcohol #825820
(1348)<vahnsin> A bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a beer and . . . . a packet of peanuts." The barman says "Why the big pause?" <NikEy> it took me literally 20 minutes to fucking understand this joke goddammit #826140
(776)<Zombait> By the way, why the hell does windows tell you to say "okay" to everything? <Zombait> Clearly the responses used there were created by married men #826239
(1515)<Deltantor> Why is it so hard to find a man that wants a female that has a small son? <f0rked_> I prefer a small daughter <grnp> I prefer a smaller son <ChrisHansen> I prefer that you both have a seat over there. #826270
(-230)TbG: heh TbG: I hate that TbG: I put all of my pr0n in a passworded .rar TbG: and forgot the password. #826340
(1250)<apples> the program 'apt-get' is currently not installed. You can install it by typing: apt-get install apt <fuchoo> lol #826358
(2304)<Hef> correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't holy water just water that has a prayer said over it? <Tribolthree> holy water is water blessed by a priest, nothing special or added -_- technically he could bless the water coming from a pipe <Tribolthree> so like you could have a fountain of holy water <Hef> the priest would probably get tired of the constant blessing <Hef> and run out of mana #826387
(3082)<Tscully> It's Christmas. We show up at my grandmas house. I'm 14. <Tscully> It comes time to open the presents, she brings out this little square-shaped flat present, wrapped in christmas paper. <Tscully> I wonder what it is, what joyous gift from grandma could be so small in volume? <Tscully> I open it, and see the words "AOL Internet Trial CD" on the cover of a cardboard disc holder, with a 14-day AOL trial CD inside. <Tscully> Confused, I asked her what it was. <Tscully> She proudly proclaimed "I've bought you fourteen days of free internet!" <Tscully> And that's why I hate christmas. #826428
(2359)Blood Reaper: on a scale of 1 to 10 Blood Reaper: how old do you think michael jackson's boyfriend is? #826453
(2079)<cannibal> Im playing tetris, and why won't the square pieces spin like the others? <therion> ...