#806849 (1401)
<namesake> if a girl has sex with a lot of guys, she's a "slut", but if I have sex with a lot of guys, I'm a "fucking faggot"
#806855 (2149)
<Anonymous> Last night, Helen and I were sitting in the living room, and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my beer.
<Anonymous> She's such a bitch.
#806884 (1775)
<Geologist[afkr]> knock knock
<thebigmike1983[FARK]> who's there?
<Geologist[afkr]> 9/11
<thebigmike1983[FARK]> 9/11 who?
<Geologist[afkr]> YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!
#806893 (3424)
<+TheUltra4sshole> I mean, we started 2 nights before, recruiting strippers to show up
<+TheUltra4sshole> things got out of hand, and we end up with 10 kegs, and who knows how many imported sluts
<+TheUltra4sshole> I'm not talking tundra wookies
<+TheUltra4sshole> I mean, decent-looking chicks
<+TheUltra4sshole> they'd ranks a 6 or 7 here, but are fucking TEN in alaska
<+TheUltra4sshole> party goes awesome
<+TheUltra4sshole> don't catch any of the game
<+TheUltra4sshole> we all pass out by about 3 am
<+TheUltra4sshole> first call is at 6 am
<+TheUltra4sshole> and being professional alcoholics, we rigged the central firealarm to go off 10 minutes before first call
<+TheUltra4sshole> well, we all wake up to the fire alarm, clean the shithole up, then go down to PT formation
<+TheUltra4sshole> just expecting a 10-mile detox run or something gay like that
<+TheUltra4sshole> 1SG says we're having a health and welfare inspection
<+TheUltra4sshole> where he goes through everbody's room and fucks you up for anything that's out of place
<+TheUltra4sshole> well... we had 10 empty kegs and a buncha passed out whores in our building...
<+TheUltra4sshole> not to mention the little shit like bottle caps and whatnot
<+TheUltra4sshole> thank GOD he went to consolidated barracks first, so we had about an hour to get everything cleaned up
<+TheUltra4sshole> you wanna talk about a buncha men working as a team...
<+TheUltra4sshole> we had the buffer going, you heard nothing but vacuums, sweeping, mopping, and calls for the medic to get a hooker with an IV
<+TheUltra4sshole> pure mayhem
<+TheUltra4sshole> we get all the sluts out of our own rooms, and since the dayroom only had a little bit of furniture and we can work on it together, we all hit it at once
<+TheUltra4sshole> well...there was one chick left over
<+TheUltra4sshole> still passed out, topless in a leather skirt
<+TheUltra4sshole> when we heard CQ on the first floor call "AT EASE!"
<+TheUltra4sshole> fucking panic
<+TheUltra4sshole> Aubaugh, being the smart crazy jew he was, stole a buncha rappelling gear from mountaineering
<+TheUltra4sshole> tied her passed-out ass up in a swiss-seat
<+TheUltra4sshole> (mind you, she was wearing JUST a skirt, and a swiss seat goes between the legs)
<+TheUltra4sshole> tie the 120 to the center pillar, tied her figure 8 off in a bowline, and pushed her out the window
<+TheUltra4sshole> she hung there for FORTY FIVE FUCKING MINUTES
<+TheUltra4sshole> We pass the inspection
<+TheUltra4sshole> BUT
<+TheUltra4sshole> as 1SG was walking out of the barracks, he walked around the outside looking for cigarette butts and caught us hauling her naked ass back in the window...
<+TheUltra4sshole> Fail
<+TheUltra4sshole> we had such a good chance to get away with it...
<+TheUltra4sshole> man was that a long week for charlie company, 2-1 infantry
#806896 (2181)
Soth: i need something more complex than 2+2
jadenbane: Soth: 2+2i ?
#806948 (617)
bmp: I'm a strangulation risk
bmp: recall me
lord: contains small parts
lord: keep away from children (for other reasons)
bmp: :<
#806949 (737)
<Ryou> 360's are great but their hardware quality is pretty lol
<Kuraineko> it's called 360 because of the trip it takes
<Kuraineko> from microsoft, to you, back to microsoft, to you again
#807157 (-184)
<darvawrk> and I have PROOF (god i love our logging) that we're connecting to the server and transmitting and they drop the connection.
<Trey> EHLO darva.with.a.clue.com
<WhatNot> you had me at EHLO
#807716 (147)
<Zyrjello> Cancer patients are incapable of being nasty.
<Zyrjello> It's a law of life.
<MrPicso> I hope I get cancer so I can prove you wrong.
#808311 (1225)
* nqbw is watching a pair of lesbians, one serving, one receiving.
<nqbw> To clarify, I am watching Wimbledon.
#808383 (414)
<jarmund> I've always wanted to have sex while watching midget-porn, just to see if it's humanly possible to have an orgasm while laughing your ass off
#808640 (969)
<schneeb> what time does sean connery get to wimbledon?
<weensuck> ..?
<schneeb> TEN-ISHHHHH
<weensuck> whichever corner of the world you run to, no-one will ever accept you
#808682 (846)
<%makat> Marcel Marceau dead.
<%makat> After all those years miming it, he's now genuinely trapped in a small box.
#808888 (268)
< Zipper_32> wenko: I'm heading out your way now, you going to be up in 3 hours?
* wenko reads the back of the pill bottle.
<@wenko> by that time I should consult a physician
< Zipper_32> Viagra (tm)....
#808898 (600)
<danly> 'cause you know, behind every nympho-elf there's a 40 year old man living in his parent's basement just hoping you’ll make a pass at him so he can initiate cybersex.
<Xore> many 40 year old men are better at cybersex as nympho-elves than most nympho-elves
<danly> That's strangely insightful and revolting at the same time
#808899 (390)
<Xore> ;_;
<Xore> dammit
<Xore> you know you have problems when...
<Xore> you write really really sexy code
<Xore> and you belatedly realize
<Xore> that your code is a whole heap sexier than you are
#808905 (746)
Eric: I'm 60% done masturbating
Casey5: ...
#808993 (537)
<Illogical> It is true of all Christian pop songs, that they are simply pop songs that have the word 'baby' replaced with 'Jesus.'
<Illogical> For example, "My loneliness is killing me, (and I) I must confess, I still believe (still believe). When I'm not with you I lose my mind, give me a sign... Hit me Jesus, one more time."
<Illogical> Or, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, when all your love is gone, who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world?"
<bec> what about something from this year?
<Illogical> "Tell me Jesus, what's your story? Where you come from, and where you wanna go this time?"
<Illogical> I rest my case.
#809027 (428)
Tuco forces you all to sing Fraggle Rock
Daedalus [FS]: Dance your cares away
Meatpack [FS]: Worry's for another day
Fokker [FS]: Let the music play
TheChosenOne [FS]: Down at Fraggle Rock
bilblak [FS]: Work you cares away
yoda99 [LC]: Dancing's for another day
omothes [LC]: Let the Fraggles play
CrazyHorse [CC]: We're Gobo
Cantwell [CC]: Mokey
Mycroft [FWL]: Wembley
The Nomad [FWL]: Boober
-Blade- [DC]: Red
DarkElf [DC]: Dance your cares away
Nazgul [DC]: Worry's for another day
HepBbI [DC]: Let the music play
kailindo [P]: Down at Fraggle Rock
crazyhorse [CC]: lol
iinaj [P]: Down at Fraggle Rock
>> Enter Brandon Malthus
adept [P]: Down at Fraggle Rock
Kommando [SOL]: thats awesome
Baron Morgan [P]: its awesome when its fraggle rock... its scray when its YMCA...
#809028 (25)
Kardane: don't look at me. i wouldnt know my ASCII from a hole in the ground
#809029 (742)
<JesseW> How do guys in porn last so long in bed? I can't even make it to the end while masturbating.
#809031 (293)
<Mister> I was at The Bronx,was quite... strange
<Mister> and then I saw 2 girls who I know
<Mister> and they were like :O... Jason? I never knew you were gay?!
<Mister> I told them I was there for the music,don't think they believed me
<Jesus> That's like the worst excuse
<Mister> I don't care,all these guys buying me drinks
<Mister> openly checking out my arse
<Mister> it was like being a girl,was nice getting free stuff
<Jesus> I'd rather not be a mans eye candy.You were like a visual gay prostitute
#809171 (441)
Walshy117: tv now. i need to get rid of some braincelss
SeijuroSakeHiko: looks like you're well on your way
#809181 (1324)
xxx : My grandpa knew exactly the day he gonna die :/
yyy : wtf... its impossible. Was it a magician who told him that ?
xxx : Lol :) no, it was judge
#809237 (819)
<~Kiramon> no i just need random fake gaelic words
<&Ondore|Away> Allium sativum L.
<&Ondore|Away> No, wait.
<&Ondore|Away> That's garlic.