#698311 (41)
Tarrock: Did you guys hear what happened at the tickle me elmo factory?!
Julep Dee: Nope?
Trey Blacktail: blew up?
Trey Blacktail: *hopes*
Tarrock: Well.... the other day at the tickle me elmo factory a man went into the manager's office and complained about a woman outside. "She's holding up the line," he says. "I don't know what we're going to do. We'll never get this done. You have to do something!"
Tarrock: So the manager gets up and walks outside where he finds the woman with red cloth and a bag of marbles. She was wrapping the marbles in the cloth and then sewing them on the tickle me elmos. The manager burst out laughing
Tarrock: He says. "I'm sorry mam. I think you misunderstood my instructions... I told you to give them a couple of "test tickles"
#698341 (2000)
<Xenecrite> Guys, I found the greatest glitch!
<Xenecrite> It's one of those ads where you have to hit the target.
<Xenecrite> You can click anywhere on it and you STILL get the prize!
<Xenecrite> 53 free laptops for me!
#699058 (114)
DragonSiege: you people have acronyms for everything
siwelwerd: i can't think of anything that E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. stands for
#699080 (499)
<RockWolf> one time my friend tried to kill himself by taking 30 advil.
<RockWolf> i was like dude...why take 30 advil when you can take 3 aleve? =D
#699087 (940)
<Spock> have you ever noticed how closely the jehovas witnesses resemble the sith?
<Spock> they always come in pairs of two
<Spock> one Master and one apprentice
#699226 (316)
KiRBYdaCREAMpuff: I saw the funniest thing today, a group of white guys putting a roof on a mexican restaurant
#699229 (936)
<antisocial_boris> hmm, my code isnt working, i need a break
<hapchi> well, keep in mind it must be inside a while or for loop
#699245 (1038)
<anaemic> i like the word inflamable, because its like throwing a curveball at the foreigners in a very dangerous and potentially entertaining way
#699258 (786)
<caddoo> why do you need condoms sent to you discreetly, you can get them in toilets, schools, chemists and they are all pretty discrete.
<EvilDr.X> I dunno, man. I had a friend who used a condom he found in a toilet, he got a really bad infection.
#699308 (4200)
<Ich> I've discovered that people on IRC don't get offended or riled up by racism
<Ich> nor politically incorrect jokes
<Ich> nor feminism, nazism,
<Ich> nor goatse, or even tubgirl
<Ich> not even jokes about 9/11 get a rise out of anybody
<Ich> but as soon as I tell somebody that macs are better than PC's, things get ugly
#699415 (186)
< dadexter> I stopped using reiserfs because some of my data went missing and my HDD died... ironic, isn't it?
#699602 (1082)
Mike: i downloaded a virus to test my current virus protector.  guess what, it failed the test
#699804 (585)
<spree> downloading movies takes so freaking long
<videogameaholic> set it and forget it
<spree> i set it hours ago
<spree> i want to watch it before i sleep
<spree> i imagine it'd be even worse with chicken
<spree> if i stuck a chicken in the oven, there's no way i'd forget it
<spree> i'd be staring hungrily at it for hours
<videogameaholic> you kidding?  when I put a burrito in the microwave and push 90 seconds, I grab a bag of chips.
#699884 (49)
ScottDoom1944: I have had several customers inquiring about the Wii, but none had inquired about the 360 previously and none have inquired about the PS3.
h0ckeygod: That's because you work at Toys R Us.
#699957 (884)
<Klaatu> Man, I don't know why your g/f has sex with you so much.  With your micro wang and all.
<Hl1> Psh, it's not the size of the hull.  It's the motion of the ocean.
<Klaatu> Aye, but it's mighty hard to cross the Atlantic in a dingy.
#700007 (1517)
<Navatalin> What do we want? less premature ejaculation! When do we want it? ...ahhh shit :(
#700015 (297)
<nonplused> guys
<nonplused> what starts up apache on reboot
<quadra> hmm it sounds like a native american thing
<quadra> so the answer must be Alcohol
#700091 (4237)
<Swiich> dude, that girl i went on a date with last night was really dumb
<Cindy> fuck you too
<Swiich> shit, wrong window
#700101 (478)
<LionClaw> i tried to OD on pain relievers once
<nanNette> :/
<LionClaw> i didnt have a headache for about 2 months
#700280 (49)
<dauphin> wrath, what do you mean in a sense you're also african?
<wrath> cause i was born here
<dauphin> are you black?
<wrath> no
<GWF> yeah, you arent african wrath
<GWF> if a dog is born in a stable it doesnt make it a horse
#700435 (1519)
<starmantaav> so i just realized yesterday
<starmantaav> i work at a mongolian bbq
<starmantaav> next door to a chinese restaurant
<starmantaav> shouldn't we have a bigass wall between us?
#700480 (530)
assmuncher: any idea who's in the running for president next election?
sinistercanadian: ahhnold
sinistercanadian: he sneaks into the capitol building every night and re arranges 7 letters on the constitution
sinistercanadian: by mid 2007 he will be eligible for president
#700491 (425)
Skuddward: i love wal-mart's footwear department
teddy: "Flip Flops, Buy 2 get 1 free!"
#700591 (596)
Zizzy: The Bible was the first known recorded Wiki, proving once and for all that Wikis are destined to be screwed up by a bunch of teenagers.
#700613 (345)
[Synista]: You know what would have been cool
[Synista]: if in the superman movie, they had him break a horse's back