#440165 (271)
<mandz> i am going out. i'm waiting for the washing machine to stop
<lohnro> usually youre on top of it hoping it doesnt stop
#440169 (618)
<baloo>lispy: I have this horrible addiction to food. I try to quit, but I just get wracked with pain after a day or two every time and just have to have a cheeseburger.
<baloo>They only told me the positive effects of food. Nobody ever told me food would be hard to quit.
<malfunct`>their highly addictive products which are advertised as safe got me hooked and ruined my teeth and put me at high risk for heart disease and diabetes
<baloo>exactly
<malfunct`>and from what I hear, mcdonalds is ruining my liver
<baloo>Not to mention high cholestorol
<lispy>baloo: i find myself horribly addicted to O_2...i can't go five minutes without it...i get shakey and light headed...i'll fight someone that won't let me get my O_2 fix
<malfunct`>ok bal, I don't buy that pepsi gave me high colesterol
<baloo>lispy: I know what you mean. I get the same way about water after a couple hours on a hot day.
<malfunct`>lispy: yeah, the 02 addiction is nearly as bad as my dihydrogen monoxide addiction
<malfunct`>and you know how many bad things dihydrogen monoxide can do
<baloo>malfunct`: Yeah. I mean, holy hell, you mix dhydrogen monoxide and dioxygen long enough undisturbed on the hood of your car and it'll eat right through it. Might take a few years, but it'll do it.
<malfunct`>baloo: yeah, and how many natural disasters can be traced back to the dihydrogen monoxide as a source
<lispy>baloo: it only takes a couple ounces of that stuff to kill a baby in a matter of minutes if you leave their face in it
<baloo>malfunct`: No kidding. You breathe even a little of that and it'll hurt like hell for days.
#440309 (387)
<Gravit> Poker, beer, and lucky charms. What does that make us? :)
<Roverpup> Irish.
#440386 (493)
<britney> shut up, you're SO retardeder than me!
#441086 (1654)
*** _Melody_ has been kicked off channel #unix by Snooze (it's your wedding night, get off irc)
*** _Melody_ (melody@ignite.blackened.net) has joined channel #unix
<_Melody_> oh
<_Melody_> we already had the sex
#441100 (735)
<Kurisu> what would happen if a serial killer went around choping mens penises off and sewing them to his head so that he had several phaluses protruding from his forhead and temples
<RDreamer> he would have to wear a special type of hat.
#441244 (1111)
KeithX: Yes, firefox is indeed greater than women.
Keithx: Can women block pop ups for you? No.
Keithx: Can Firefox show you naked women? Yes.
#441630 (473)
<photovoric> jesus fucking christ
<photovoric> is  masturbation
#441694 (1900)
gamemastax: you know how my parents are divorced right?
DrJerad: yeah
gamemastax: Well I just had a talk with my mom.
gamemastax: i told her i didn't want to live with her anymore
gamemastax: she started crying
DrJerad: Why did you tell her that?
gamemastax: because I don't want to?
DrJerad: Why not?
gamemastax: because her computer only has 64 mb of RAM
gamemastax: and that's just not enough to run world of warcraft smoothly
#441788 (1271)
<apdn_angel> hey, what's the difference between michael jackson and neil armstrong?
<Beerman> neil armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon
<apdn_angel> and...
<Beerman> and michael jackson fucks little kids in the ass
#441908 (232)
[ @Jesper ] windows is really secure, they just hid the close exploits check box very well
#441927 (402)
notorious phake: everybody gets mistaken for a whale at least once in their life
notorious phake: it just happens to her a whole lot more
#441963 (261)
<Raab> How's Half Life 2 treating you?
<Ashpolt> I would say like a woman
<Ashpolt> but women hate me
#441969 (672)
<krazy> Have any of you weighed yourselves before and after you shit?
<Wanderer> ... Why would we want to know how much our shit weighed?
<krazy> Well, it's helped me prove that, despite everyone's claims, I'm not full of shit.
#441975 (1444)
I am Jeremiadine: i just left a message on smith's cellphone in binary
Sela: Fun.
I am Jeremiadine: yeah
I am Jeremiadine: the best part is even if he decodes it it's in french
I am Jeremiadine: ...i'm bored
#441976 (968)
<Monsoon`> They could make a TV show about IRC.  Call it "American Idle"
#441984 (101)
<TIK_> Feck.. my machine just caught fire.. still going tho..
<-- TIK_ has quit (Quit)
#442022 (81)
<CG> well paint me green and call me gumby
#442041 (60)
<Navy|Scholar> I suppose you people have heard about the Semantic Web?
<east> yes
<Brawler> Nevar
<east> if you're talking about semantic markup, yes
<ignatios> yeah
<Hokaloogie> Is that something to do with Jews?
#442133 (498)
JonTG3: ever since i learned internet speak
JonTG3: i've wanted to turn in a 600 word paper that consisted of my name, the date, a title and 300 instances of OMG TOASTER
#442221 (1459)
<the_muss> New Game!  add the word "anal" to the beginning of car names. Anal Jamboree, Anal Explorer, Anal Pulsar, Anal Prelude, Anal Adventurer, Anal Legacy, Anal Nexus, Anal Swift
<pyrophoric> lol, Anal Jazz, Anal Ram, Anal Probe
<iuqcaj> Anal Bandit, Anal Forester, Anal Laser, Anal Escort, Anal Sovereign, Anal Beetle, Anal Golf, Anal Samurai
<the_muss> Anal Eclipse, Anal Discovery, Anal Wrangler, Anal Ambassador, Anal Vanquish, Anal Vagrant, Anal Diablo
<pie> Comedy Gold... Anal Trooper
<the_muss> lol
<pyrophoric> lmao
#442703 (725)
<Shiggy1> OMG
<Shiggy1> Ive just discovered something
<Shiggy1> !
<Shiggy1> !
<kFraction> the exclaimation key?
#442705 (73)
Vince: I just need a lot of vaseline for the next few days
Kint: ........
#443246 (462)
halfbakedbuzzard: ahah, my next door neighbors house is on fire
halfbakedbuzzard: brb, gotta get the camera
#443655 (2094)
<Graham> Let's say you have an ax. The kind that you could use, in a pinch, to hack a man's head off...
<Graham> And let's say that very situation comes up and for some very solid reasons you behead a man.
<Graham> On the follow-through, though, the handle of the ax snaps in half in a spray of splinters.
<Graham> So the next day you take it to the ax store down the block and get a new handle, fabricating a story for the guy behind the counter and explaining away the reddish dark stains as barbeque sauce.
<Graham> Now, that next spring you find in your garage a creature that looks like a cross-bred badger and anaconda. A badgerconda.
<Graham> And so you grab your trusty ax and chop off one of the beast's heads, but in the process the blade of the ax strikes the concrete floor and shatters.
<Graham> This means another trip to McMillan & Son's Ax Mart. As soon as you get home with your newly-headed ax, though, you meet the reanimated body of the guy you beheaded last year.
<Graham> He's also got a new head attached and it's wearing that unique expression of "you're the man who killed me last Spring" resentment that one so rarely encounters in everyday life.
<Graham> You brandish your ax. He takes a long look at the weapon with his squishy, rotting eyes and in a gargly voice he screams, "that's the same ax that slayed me!"
<Graham> ...Is he right?