#430325
(896)<BOYD1981> you know, i hate it when a channel suddenly goes quiet after a debate <BOYD1981> it's like masturbating, and when you're finally about to ejaculate you hear somebody entering the house <BOYD1981> or walking up the stairs <BOYD1981> so you have to put it away until later <BOYD1981> another reason i hate it is because you never know if it's because nobody has anything to say, or somebody took what was said a little too seriously and is sitting there a bit pissed off <BOYD1981> show me an argument/debate/disagreement i haven't seen before and maybe, just maybe i might get a little pissed off <BOYD1981> i'm more likely to get pissed off by something pissing me off <BOYD1981> like developer and publisher and hellotomyfriendsandfamilyer logo animations before a game loads <BOYD1981> and it even gets on my nerves before a movie <BOYD1981> especially if it's on a dvd that won't let you skip it or go straight to the menu <BOYD1981> to me that's propaganda, it's forcing you do watch something you don't want to <BOYD1981> ofcourse you can't put your hands over your ears and close your eyes, because then you might miss the start of the movie, accidentally hit the skip back button instead of rewind and force yourself into being forced to watch the logos again <BOYD1981> or you could watch the movie once, time how long it takes for the menu to appear or the movie to start, then turn around and face a clock, put your hands over your ears and count the seconds <BOYD1981> but then if somebody walks in on you they'll wonder why you're ignoring what the clock is trying to tell you that's preventing you from watching the movie <BOYD1981> so it's either watching something you're against, or having people think you talk to clocks <BOYD1981> ofcourse you could do the same counting method, but turn the tv on to a different channel for a certain amount of time <BOYD1981> but then somebody might walk in just as soon as you change the channel and think you were watching porn or the mobo awards or something like that <BOYD1981> or, you could do the same but with the tv off <BOYD1981> but then if somebody walks in and sees you sitting there with the dvd player running, the tv off and you with the remote in your hand that you've forgotten which button turns the tv on #430598
(1234)<Hylke> hmm, the movie Titanic isn't really realistic <Palantyre> No shit? <Hylke> they walk through cold water all the time, and the girl gets no stiff nipples #430601
(1450)<Node> i think the person who came up with the a b c d f grading scale failed english #430828
(469)<NobleArc> There's always google, WhiteBicycle. <NobleArc> Google is like.. The Oracle from The Matrix. O_o <NobleArc> it knows EVERYTHING. <WhiteBicycle> good call noble <NobleArc> Yet at times can be unimaginably useless. #430856
(111)<+Disasterologist> wtf why does nobody ever convert to judaism on their death beds? <@Locke> they cant make money as they're dying #430941
(887)<Zee-sleep> i got full marks for answering "what would encryption be used for?" with "KFC's 11 secret herbs and spices" #430949
(809)<princessangelic> how do you turn on a guy? <+monty> dicksuck <princessangelic> um before that <+monty> get naked <princessangelic> then? <+monty> dicksuck <princessangelic> hmmm I must have missed a memo somewhere <jomomma> hahahahaha #430975
(642)<@shiwan> Hmm. I need to find a "Windows NT Server 4.0 System Administrator" t-shirt to wear around to BDSM clubs. <@shiwan> "So, what are you into?" "I admin a 3-tiered, 12-node NT4 cluster." < XyZzY> shiwan: "oh youre in the 'sick fuck' territory" #431011
(948)(Angelus): If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them. #431118
(761)<Matilde> Hiroshima '45, Nagasaki '45, Chernobil '86, Windows '95 #431276
(997)<simon-say> asking for relationship advice on irc is like asking for computer help at mcdonalds #431688
(2357)<zamros> haha yeah being a plumber would be fucking awesome actually <zamros> like if i had my own fuckin' company <zamros> with a van and shit <zamros> like i'd go in to a plumbing business with a friend <zamros> cuz like when you got two motherfuckers putting the time and money in <zamros> you can buy a van <zamros> you can buy fuckin tools <zamros> you can buy advertising and shit <zamros> haha i'd have the funniest fucking public access commercials for my plumbing business <zamros> like some dude would be taking a shit <zamros> and he'd jiggle the handle <zamros> and he'd be like ".....FUCK!" <zamros> then he falls over on the toilet and grabs the phone <zamros> and calls me <zamros> and he's like "HELLPP!!!" <zamros> then i bust through the fucking wall <zamros> and fucking beat the shit out of a big monster in the toilet1 <zamros> with a plunger <zamros> and the dude is laying in his own shit on the floor <zamros> with the phone in his hand <zamros> and after i won the fight he'd be like "THANK YOU ZAMROS INC" <zamros> and he'd hug me and i'd get shit all over me <zamros> and i'd be like "ALL IN A DAY'S WORK" <zamros> and then bust through the other wall #431786
(2492)<Lunchbox> The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck is the day they make a vacuum cleaner. #431907
(920)<h0ward> it began with the forging of the great servers <h0ward> three were given to the geeks, immortal, wisest, and fairest of all beings <h0ward> seven to teh jock-lords, great football players and craftsmen of the locker halls <h0ward> and nine, nine servers were given to the race of men whom above all else desired PRON <h0ward> within the servers was a power that could govern each class <h0ward> but they were all of them deceived <h0ward> for another server was made <h0ward> stile, the deceiver, forged in secret a master server to control all others <h0ward> one server to rule them all <h0ward> one by one the people of the servers fell to the great power of the master server <h0ward> but there were some <h0ward> who resisted <h0ward> a great alliance of geeks and jocks marched against the fanboys of stile <h0ward> and on the slopes of blogwars <h0ward> they fought for the freedom of good, and only good pron <h0ward> AAAHHH <h0ward> FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP <h0ward> victory was near <h0ward> but the master server could not be stopped <h0ward> the dark lord stile killed brunot son of brunob <h0ward> and as luck should so have it <h0ward> brunob cut the wiring of the master server <h0ward> stile the enemy of good, decent pron of the earth <h0ward> was wanked out of existence #431987
(7389)Gear Grinder X: once, we had these total freak seventh day advenist (or whatever) freak ass neighbors Gear Grinder X: and this girl Lanna was a little younger than me Gear Grinder X: she was a bitch, and they were all totally religious Gear Grinder X: she threw rocks at me once on my bike, and so I turned around, and went to run over here Gear Grinder X: I was hauling ASS, and you know what she did? Gear Grinder X: put her hands on her hips, and stood there and said "The lord will protect me" Gear Grinder X: well.... he didn't #432386
(3417)<Zoli> I wrote some norse death metal rap earlier today <Zoli> of course I'd recite it for you! <Zoli> YO I'M A BLONDE MOTHERFUCKER AND I WORSHIP THOR <Zoli> I'M GUNNA USE MY AXE BUST DOWN YOUR DOOR <Zoli> SCREAMING VALHALLA AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS <Zoli> I GOT PHAT RHYMES AND I SPEAK IN TONGUES <Zoli> RAGNAROK THE PARTY LIKE A VALHALLA PARTY <Zoli> RAGNAROK THE PARTY LIKE A VALHALLA PARTY <Zoli> NORSE. (crazy motherfucker with a longship baby) <Zoli> NORSE (gunna kick your ass and I don't mean maybe) <Zoli> NORSE. (crazy motherfucker with a longship baby) <Zoli> NORSE (LONG BLONDE HAIR THAT IS SOFT AND WAVY) <Zoli> fin. #432397
(2016)<AVX885> i'm going to break up with my girlfriend, she is cheating on me <sprtzntm77> dude, this is perfect... ok heres what you do <sprtzntm77> dont mention this to her, and get in her pants one last time, make it really rough. <AVX 885> i like where this is going.. <sprtzntm77> right, so.. fuck her nice and rough-like and just before she is about to cum, pull out. <AVX 885> haha, go on <sprtzntm77> pull out and dont say a word. Go get your pants and put em back on, and say somthing along the lines of "i dont think our relationship is gonna work out, im breaking up with you. goodbye" <AVX 885> HAHA, nice! <sprtzntm77> so keep an emotionless face and dont respond to anything she says. While your putting on your socks, mutter somthing about forgetting to pick up your syphilis antibiotics. That'll really get her freaked out. <AVX 885> LMAO! This is golden, i have to pull this off.. <sprtzntm77> dude.. before this all goes down.. i'll hide either under the bed or in the closet. While your on your way to the door, turn around and say, "hey mark, shes not gonna go for the DP, were leaving.. lets go." I'll get out from under the bed, look pissed off and follow you out the door. <AVX 885> this is golden.. haha and I could just imagine her sitting there spread eagle on the bed with the most awesome expression of shock and awe on her face. I should take a picture as im walking out the door and mail it to her parents. <sprtzntm77> Fuck, if we pull this off, it will be the best breakup scenario ever. She deserves it too. <AVX 885> Yes, this is a warning women everywhere.. dont cheat on me, for I will seek my sweet revenge. #432550
(1202)Rabidplaybunny87: A Touching Story of Love and Marriage Rabidplaybunny87: An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort inched himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. Rabidplaybunny87: With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Rabidplaybunny87: Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he moved himself toward the table. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was almost already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. Rabidplaybunny87: The aged and withered hand, shakily made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. Rabidplaybunny87: "Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral." #432558
(897)<@HEMI> I'm tempted to start going to work in ripped jeans/shirts and tell them that's all I can afford on what they're paying me. #432979
(769)DDay22Alpha1243: You voted Komataguri: I was standing in line for over an hour. DDay22Alpha1243: oh Komataguri: and this bitch was behind me. Komataguri: Ugly bitch, kept bumping into me purposefully every time the line moved and I didn't step forward fast enough. Komataguri: So I ripped one on her. Komataguri: a silent one so no one knew where it came from. Komataguri: After a few seconds, teh whole library smelled like someone dumped raw sewage and 40tons of roadkill in the place DDay22Alpha1243: lol Komataguri: I never felt so proud #432991
(1945)McViC0 0 97: is your mom there? DarkEternal37: hey hey DarkEternal37: lets try to have ONE conversation without a your mom joke DarkEternal37: k? McViC0 0 97: i'll try DarkEternal37: me too McViC0 0 97: but i promise ntohing DarkEternal37: im listening to adam's song McViC0 0 97: im listenign to the sound of your mom moaning McViC0 0 97: oh fuck DarkEternal37: havent heard it in so long McViC0 0 97: i messed up DarkEternal37: I FUCKING HATE YOU McViC0 0 97: lol McViC0 0 97: it slipped i swear DarkEternal37: you lasted fucking 23 SECONDS DarkEternal37: i hope you last longer in bed DarkEternal37: for my moms sake #433012
(644)Myung LeshBurton: in drivers ed yesterday, the teacher said something about how he used to always look up to superman Myung LeshBurton: and how he wished everybody was indestructable like he was Myung LeshBurton: so i just had to yell out "But it didnt take kryptonite to kill Superman, just a horse!" Myung LeshBurton: the entire class fell silent, 3 people holding back laughter and everybody else horrified at what i said RACaira326: hahahahahahahahahaha RACaira326: you are a TERRIBLE person RACaira326: you should be proud Myung LeshBurton: wait, i made it worse RACaira326: I cant believe you can make that worse Myung LeshBurton: i said "Unless somebody hid kryptonite in the horses ass" #433014
(1270)<HouseCookie> What the hell is kwanzaa? <Tyler> File-sharing for African-Americans. #433016
(1462)<ptgenera> do you agree that "baby" is an awesome unit of volume? <ptgenera> for instance: "That microwave is easily a six-baby unit." #433064
(1942)* ion has joined #sp <ion> today's my birthday <deMoN> yo happy bday man ;) <ion> thanks, my dad brought me a new case home from his work today <ion> ok, it's not a new case, it's my old one...i didnt like the gray metal frame so i wanted to change the color <plague> What color? <ion> gold. i was going to spray paint it, but it would have ended up melting. so my dad said he'd take it to work <ion> he works at this metal coating place <ion> just brought it home today. looks awesome <plague> So you have a gold plated tower? <ion> no it's not gold...something else...let me go ask <ion> copper. it's copper <plague> Copper plated?? Is it running right now? <ion> no dude...on my other pc..i just finished hooking up the mobo and stuff, i'm about to start it <ion> stand back <plague> Before you turn it on...I think you should know something... * ion has quit IRC (No Route to Host) <plague> Copper is a conductor of electricity. <deMoN> think we should have told him? <zeff> nah, it's funnier this way. <plague> of course...<> Note: the fuse box in his house was fried. knocked the power out.