#124761
(242)< LittleJon> heh.... Kim just asked me what "bukkake" is.... so I told her to type the word in Google & hit "I'm feeling lucky." < Lord_Pryo> lol! < LittleJon> ....and she did it on Tixer's computer. * Slide rofl! < Lord_Pryo> :D < Lord_Pryo> please tell me Tixer was there < LittleJon> he came in towards the end, and said, "I'm gonna get in trouble!" #124804
(340)<Sopabuena> I will name my children after my testicles <Sopabuena> Left and Right <GreenJeanz> ......... <Mort> I don't think 'small' and 'smaller' are very good names. #124838
(1157)<@Firebird> Anyone want the mpeg of the ABC special about pirating movies and tv shows? <Psy> ... #124854
(389)<shiwan> Geez, can't a guy mention Janet Reno on Margaret Thatcher strap-on porn and not empty a channel? #124859
(419)<deadpewl> dude <Darn> hmmm I'm wondoring about these ranchos <deadpewl> this dumb slut is at my house <deadpewl> she wont leave <deadpewl> but she wont fuck me <deadpewl> wtf <deadpewl> but she buys me beer and food <deadpewl> so I guess she can stay <TheDrip> just shove your cock in her mouth, and if she done like it, throw her out <deadpewl> brb #124860
(-212)spikearmageddon: how old are you? saxydrew14: 15 saxydrew14: im a youngin spikearmageddon: ooh, baby almost legal, just my type saxydrew14: ::jumps into arms::: spikearmageddon: there you go, just sit on santa's lap and tell me what you want for christmas and don't mind the casual thrusting, it's necessary for me to fulfil your wish saxydrew14: hahahahaha saxydrew14: santa i want a bike for chrismas oww spikearmageddon: that's a mightly big gift, little one you'll have to stay on my lap for another hour, if you want that saxydrew14: ok santa saxydrew14: ouch saxydrew14: thump thump spikearmageddon: damn kid, you're bleeding get the hell off i'll give you 2 bikes if you shut up and bring me your little brother saxydrew14: i dont have a brother saxydrew14: i have a sister saxydrew14: you want her spikearmageddon: hmm that gives me an idea yeah, kid, bring her and get back on my lap but she'll have to sit on your lap now just do what i tell you and you'll get your bike in no time #124867
(1134)Philips.com "live chat" Please wait for a consultant to assist you. mfennell will be with you momentarily! mfennell says, "Thank you for contacting Philips USA Webchat. My name is Maurice. How may I assist you today?" You say, "yeah.. i was looking at your digital camera keyrings and had a question" You say, "i couldnt find what resolutions that were available to take pictures in" mfennell says, "I will be more than happy to assist you with this information but first , please may I have your first and last name, zip code, city and telephone number so as to create a case file ?" You say, "i realize it is 1.3 gigapixels and it comes in either 128 or 64 meg memory capacitys, but i dont know what res it will take picutres in" You say, "er... do you really need all of that info? im not sure if im going to buy it or anything.. i just wanted to know the resolutions.." mfennell says, "We would like this information so as to keep a record of each customer contact." You say, "but im going to talk to you for all of like.. half a minute.." You say, "my name and email address was allready submitted.. that should be more than enough" mfennell says, "May I have the model number of the unit please?" You say, "KEY008" You say, "and KEY007.. if there is a difference" mfennell says, "Thank you." mfennell says, "With an issue like this what we suggest is that you contact us at 1-800-531-0039." You say, "er.... lool.. ok... im not gong to give them my info either" You say, "how bout i just look around for a different manufacturer that is less creepy.." mfennell says, "With an issue like this what we suggest is that you contact us at 1-800-531-0039." You say, "wow.. generated responses.." You say, "really makes me feel i have a genuine connection w/the person helping me" You say, "well thanx for spending a good 15 min of my time" You say, "have a nice day...." You say, "try not to seduce any 13 yr olds over the net..." mfennell says, "Thank you." mfennell says, "Thanks for contacting Philips USA. " Your consultation has ended mfennell leaves. #124874
(148)Tony``/#chat slams a motherboard over the|navigator's head <the|navigator> You idiot! I could of built a computer with that one. <Tony``> no dice. it was an intel #124884
(1738)<Locke|Away> Listen, this is purely theoretical, but is it dangerous to get a cat high? <Boko> only one way to find out o_O <Locke|Away> Like, not making him eat it or anything, but let's say there is a cat around the smoke. <Locke|Away> That's not going to hurt the cat or anything, right? <Odyslep> don't think so <Odyslep> unless it ODs <Odyslep> prolly give it a cough too <Locke|Away> Let's say it hasn't coughed but it keeps trying to jump on top of the TV set and it keeps missing. <Locke|Away> Would that sort of cat be in any trouble? #124895
(1303)<conlusio_> ok I can't fucking win today <conlusio_> ATM eats my card * NetrA has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * paq_ has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Ziptar has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * R00kie has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Dtakias has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Bugs|OUT has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * methodtim has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * mattsteg|mobile has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * maaneeack has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Black_Baron has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * jludka has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Zannion has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * xwred1_ has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Swank- has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * DracoDanMP has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Tanj|440BX has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * HEMI has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Timelord has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * superchode has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Uki_ has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Forge has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Alicia_afk has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Jim_ has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * tuan has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * ChanServ has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Tazle_ has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Irlut has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * brick_ has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Allister has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * MichaelMR2 has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Supe_ has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * JohNEE-canuck has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * champs|out has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net)[21:13:12] * * * Quink has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * marcus| has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * TacoWork has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * thorak has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * Ophidian has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * sleep|761 has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * |SiN| has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * pirlouit has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) * tazle has quit IRC (orwell.freenode.net irc.freenode.net) conlusio_> Staples stopped shipping UPS for this week due to 'retraining due to shipping a hazardous container' <conlusio_> and everyone fucking bails on me in the middle of my rant :( <conlusio_> I knew I was bitching but jeezus <conlusio_> .... #124905
(322)<Arrgh> futhermore, the DMV shall be refered to from this point on as "the dank troll pit" <Arkangel> agreed <Arkangel> There are many interesting specimens of the lower caste of the human race residing there. <Arrgh> the last time i was there, i overheard this: "no, thats not a saxaphone, its a fire extinguisher" <Arkangel> lol <Arkangel> I was there three weeks ago and I saw a women who looked straight out of "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" <Arrgh> ! <Arrgh> you should have asked for her autograph <Arkangel> pink hair <Arkangel> reverse mohawk <Arkangel> pig tails <Arkangel> horrid make-up <Arkangel> at least she looked happy! <Arrgh> "i loved you in killer klowns! can you sign this for me?!" <Arkangel> *women proceeds to eat me* #124915
(1060)<BChikapa> Holy shit. Calisa, are you watching this thing on Fox <Calisa> no. <BChikapa> This guy was in a boat, and a swordfish JUMPED OUT OF THE WATER AND STABBED HIM IN THE FACE. <Calisa> [SA]HatfulOfHollow finally got them. <BChikapa> I don't know if it's sadder that you made that joke, or that I got it. #124948
(2029)<@kitten`> Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length of the penis is six inches, the average female received two hundred and sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just over a mile and a half. If you are not getting your mile and a half, why not let me help out <Ritontor> strokes per minute is 9? <i> rofl <m0zz> 4 minutes? <revva> lol <Ritontor> what the deuce? <m0zz> 4 minutes is average!? <kb_DeAd> the average length of the male penis is 15cm <i> well since i got at least 9 inches, you should be getting 2 and a 1/4 miles <@mima> like 4 min is way too short <kb_DeAd> the average depth of a female vagina is 18cm <kb_DeAd> goin on current population <kb_DeAd> australia has 12,367 feet of unused pussy <i> hang on... work out the average amount of cum we shoot up a bitch each time <i> and we can work out miles per gallon <Mad-Cow> rofl <@catinahat> heAe Ahe AEHA EhaEH <@catinahat> youre all fucked up #124952
(9)<BlueAngel_> we did it over msn yesterday <BlueAngel_> I was very pleased with it <BlueAngel_> I can't wait to meet him in person #124955
(256)RubbarDuckling: my middle eastern boss pulled me aside from work today RubbarDuckling: and was like RubbarDuckling: "there are some things that are concerning me with your work, you didnt fill the lids or the napkins...you left the steam tables on overnight and the place could have burned down..but most importantly...you didnt wear your uniform" RubbarDuckling: im like "wait wearing a uniform is more important than setting a building aflame....how?" RubbarDuckling: and hes like RubbarDuckling: "oh and yea...you need to stop being so sarcastic." RubbarDuckling: "and with your work you need to work better...you know..pull your socks up!" RubbarDuckling: and im like "what the...what?? pull my socks up uhhh..." RubbarDuckling: what the fuck is pull my socks up mean RubbarDuckling: i liked how arson is 2nd on his list though #124957
(1047)<doobie> where do you sickos get these fucking links <doobie> i mean seroiusly, do you type in <doobie> horribly disfigured penis into google? <Diablo> no <Diablo> actually i was searching for penises in mouse traps #125191
(1145)<`-X-> how i can disconnect without the usual commands? (/quit, /disconnect /exit etc )? <`-X-> help me pls <@Splodgey> /msg <insert name of ircop here> you suck cock #125216
(244)<zeedo> heh I got a delivery today and started to sign my name "zeedo" <zeedo> lmao * Subliminal is playing Metallica - Jump In The Fire <Subliminal> rofl <Subliminal> your loosing your true identity <Subliminal> and become a sequence of 0's and 1's <zeedo> the dude just gave me a weird look when I said "can you wipe that off its the wrong name" <zeedo> he cleared the screen thinking I was a weirdo <zeedo> I am but thats besides the point <Subliminal> lmao <Subliminal> you should spell itin binary or smt #125229
(583)<Scummder> well thats great. I get to spend about 5 minutes playing gamecube before my mother appears from nowhere and tells me to do more mowing. <bile> think of your mother as an endboss and destroy her. #125283
(13325)<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up? <Indidge> umm....nothing? <Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck? <Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter? <Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/ #125316
(118)<blue-mecha> uh oh, interoffice sexual policy has been violated #125350
(453)<ShyAway> so, if you asked for mint, I wouldn't not give it to you because you like chocolate <ShyAway> so, in conclusion, men are chocolate, girls are mint <ShyAway> and, flat likes men * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface <MonaLeilani> flat: set mode +I * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface <flatface> Never * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface * ShyAway was kicked by flatface (Stop hitting yourself) * ShyAway (Shy@zealfiles) has joined #flatface <flatface> This is much more fun #125360
(268)<metaly> what the dum <metaly> this person on direct connect has their drives named after the three wise men <metaly> although i am guessing they were trying for "gaspar" but somehow ended up with "casper" <Pokeytax> which one is the porn #125382
(262)<Harklan> youll never believe this <Harklan> but theres a tomb raider game that doesnt suck <Resare> Tomb Raider: Undressed? #125404
(782)Lord Almighty 3: yo onkeybutt87: can you make a rock that you can't lift? onkeybutt87: because if you're all-powerful... you can make something unliftable onkeybutt87: but if you're all-powerful, you can also lift it onkeybutt87: which wouldn't make it unliftable Lord Almighty 3: ... Lord Almighty 3: shit