QDB — Browse Quotes

#117856 (466)

Kiache Majere: Hey, want to go see a movie later?
Kiache Majere: Do you suck cock?
Der Zwitter Affe: yes
Der Zwitter Affe: shit i mean yes to the movies

#117885 (360)

<ExS> McDonalds
<ExS> "Mick-Don-Ulds"
<ExS> A handy substitute for food, in the same way that piss is a handy substitute for fresh drinking water.
<ExS> Dude: "Why are you holding a turd in your hand? OH MY GOD, DON'T PUT THAT TURD IN YOUR MOUTH!!!!"
<ExS> Other dude: "It's McDonalds."
<ExS> Dude: "Oh! Can I have a bite?"

#117914 (1988)

<SpitZ> this sms was sent by a friend of mine
<SpitZ> Sally mr. pls,2wedding
<SpitZ> What's that supposed to mean?
<crazhee> i think it read as "Sally mist'er period. please comma to wedding"

#117947 (52)

[@CadWork] I used to be afraid to eat bananas at the office because we had a known homosexual in my dept

#117991 (2499)

<Ab0mination> I sleep on a bunk bed yeah, which is only accessbile by a ladder and last night I must've been dreaming or something because I woke up screaming about my ladder being taken off my bed so I couldn't get down
<Ab0mination> And I dreamt that there was a badger sleeping at the end of the bed
<Ab0mination> So in sheer terror I jumped from my bunkbed down onto the floor at 3am.
<Ab0mination> I've now got to go to the vet to get my cat checked out because I landed right on him as he was sleeping on my floor and squashed him. (he's a deaf fuckwit)
<Ab0mination> My parents and sisters are not speaking to me.
<Ab0mination> Because they found me kneeling down beside the limp cat yelling manically at it and waggling my fingers at it like the Borg of Star Trek do.
<Ab0mination> Apparently I was screaming: "I am Locutus of Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile".

#118031 (211)

<aleisha_van> all of the puppets in the thunderbirds look vaguely like ernest borgnine. even the women. it's unnerving.

#118035 (147)

<Nermal> the only way I could secure windows was by putting bars over my monitor

#118041 (915)

<ConqSoft> I don't like tan lines myself.
<ConqSoft> I can find all the good parts of a woman on my own, without the help of color-coding.

#118047 (195)

<Mephistol> irn and I have a proposal for you
<Invizigo> really?
<Mephistol> yes
<Invizigo> tell me
<Mephistol> its along the lines of 'wnt 2 cibur'

#118055 (385)

<s_> my brother put signs up where the bathrooms are
<s_> because i pissed in the hallway last night

#118058 (123)

<pLADASK> since people do not care about my alcohol-problems, im sure johnny cash is off topic as well

#118199 (154)

<realmockturtle> i need to get
<realmockturtle> my nipples eyebrow and tonuge pierced
<realmockturtle> because apparently
<realmockturtle> that goes over well
<realmockturtle> oh yeah
<realmockturtle> not being a fatass would help too
<realmockturtle> but i can't solve that with a needle and a hoop

#118480 (63)

#118502 (439)

<Valqorez> I heard a strange commercial on the radio at work today....
<Valqorez> "Treat yourself to a facial and raise money for charity at the same time."
<Valqorez> I was like "What is this, a sponsored bukkake?"
<Foz> hahaha
<Valqorez> My manager gave me a long, funny look.
<Foz> lol. I didn't think many people knew that word
<Valqorez> Maybe she speaks Japanese....
<Valqorez> Odd thing was, all I could do was shrug and and say "What?"
<Foz> I know that look

#118504 (527)

(Axis): oh shit, i set a timer and now i can't turn it off
(Axis): how the hell do you turn it off
(@Zaphod): type /timers
(@Zaphod): you will be told the timer number
(@Zaphod): like * Timer 2 /do something
(@Zaphod): then type /timer2 off
(@Zaphod): notice, no space after timer
(Axis): okay but it's still beepinng
(Axis): it says there is no active timers
(@Zaphod): Ahh, you didnt type / beep <number> did you ?
(Axis): but IT'S STILL BEEPING! AAAAGH!
(Axis): yeah, i did
(Axis): is that bad
(@Zaphod): what was the number you typed?
(Axis): 39482034 i think, something like that
(@Zaphod): lol - it aint stopping till it beeps that many times
(Axis): well shit

#118548 (788)

<sherlock_holmes|eating> heh, so i an anatomoy paper due yesterday, and when i was babysitting last week i asked if they wouldn't mind if i usede their comp
<sherlock_holmes|eating> the dad said yea, so i asked if he had a filter for adult material turned on. he got a suspicious look in his eye and i told him that filters also block out non-pr0n related material, and since i'm doing an anatomy paper, it'd block out words that anatomy sites use, like penis or vagina
<sherlock_holmes|eating> he said he'd turn it off on the condition that i would promise not to use it for pr0n and i said 'nah, i took care of that before i came over' and we both kind of chuckled
<sherlock_holmes|eating> needless to say his wife was saying good-bye to the kid in the next room and they could hear me and not 10 minutes later i'm at home just wondering why my timid masturbation joke did more damage to that kids inner psyche than his mom calling me a filthy bastard who should rot in hell right in front of the little guy in that high annoying voice that women get...
<ssj_gotensama> lol, you were gonna use it for wankin weren't ya
<sherlock_holmes|eating> no that's the thing, i wasn't... i brought over anal invaders 2 for when the kid went to sleep, you can track web surfing history, you can't track what videos you put in the vcr
<ssj_gotensama> well i guess the worst part is your out of an 8 buck an hour job
<sherlock_holmes|eating> no the worst part is i left my anatomy book over at their place and i don't have the balls to go over and ask for it =(

#118551 (261)

#118563 (131)

<@herugachan> Abstract art is semi-intellectual masterbation.

#118573 (1161)

<Md0za> HI MEN
<MadHattr> Men is plural, I'm singular
<Md0za> >:
<Md0za> u have botnet?
<MadHattr> no.
<Md0za> <:
<Md0za> i have botnet
<Md0za> u want flood?
<MadHattr> I know your IP and I work for your ISP. Want internet disconnect?
<Md0za> no
<Md0za> <:
<Md0za> u heck?
<MadHattr> no
<Md0za> <
<Md0za> <:
<Md0za> i am hack
<Md0za> heck
<Md0za> i am 14 yers old
<MadHattr> I've noticed

#118595 (293)

<Joey> holy nutsac in a tree
<LookOutForTheWam> How do you think it got up there?
<Joey> it's holy
<LookOutForTheWam> Someone castrated god?

#118631 (600)

<kohupiimakook> how can u connect two computers
<kohupiimakook> like lan, but without ethernet card
<suksu> with glue maybe

#118701 (41)

<predetah> i seen a real hackers movie once, but i couldnt stand ot watch it all.. those geeks were so ugly
<predetah> this zerocool charactor aint to easy to look at it either

#118754 (584)

<alobodig-2> Spraying a can of Dust-Off directly into my navel was just about the worst idea I've ever had.

#118756 (285)

<dirtYbird> I am looking for a ecommerce package or someone to make one up, mulitlingual etc. Found one in Jamaica but I find it hard to take anything from there too serious, I can picture them sitting back in front of their PC's with joints the size of rolled newspapers on the phone telling me "it'll be coool mon"

#118772 (502)

<Mewten> video games are now making us nerds do things we would never do in other situations: Dance (DDR), Play an instrument (Samba de Amigo), and now, GO OUTSIDE. Pretty soon we'll be like normal people