QDB — Browse Quotes

#8070 (273)

<whippy-X> Max Payne (the game) looks cool, but Max Payne (the character) looks like he's taking a perpetual shit
<whippy-X> and it's a bit of a ghey name too eh? Max Payne. get it? Max PAIN. very lame. how about he just calls himself Action Man.

#8072 (224)

*** LiL^EbBiE was kicked by Avatar (it's rude to not reply when someone's talking to you)
<Avatar> i'm gonna be a great father
<arturo> sif
<arturo> you'll just gaffer tape them up when they say rude words and kick them out of the room every time they play up

#8073 (875)

<Avatar> how much do dishwashers cost
<krissle> haha
<krissle> you dont buy a dishwasher
<krissle> you marry one

#8074 (367)

<Q-Ball> Average Ejaculatory Speed
<Q-Ball> 28 miles per hour (45 km/hr).
<Q-Ball> you could kill a small mammal with that

#8075 (494)

<minkus> ohh my god these pies taste great
<minkus> if only i could fuck them
<minkus> WAIT! I CAN

#8076 (464)

<Embercide> lol i just tried to RP for the first time
<Embercide> some guy was like "greetings" so i said "hail"
<Embercide> he asked "how art thee"
<Embercide> and i didnt know wtf to say so i made it look like i logged out

#8077 (287)

<z_evil1> does _anyone_ on IRC update the topic field of a channel to suit the actual topic of conversation?
*** Madeleine changes topic to 'fuck all, as usual'
<Madeleine> set that to keeptopic, forever

#8080 (429)

<z_evil1> what would be the good of a 3m dong? apart from the fact that you could only use the tip of it, not even that if it was in proportion, it would be reeeeal easy to get damaged, you'd have lag problems with sensations along it's length, and it would make you pass out upon erection :P
<z_evil1> mind you, you might be able to hang yourself with a 3m dong
<z_evil1> imagine that for a front page headline
<Bug> tie it round.. get an erection.. it'll do all the work..
<z_evil1> "IRC addicted freak hangs self with genitals"

#8081 (371)

<Nelyx> DilleMMa: thomas edison went through 3000 experiments before he perfected the light bulb
<DilleMMa> wow
<DilleMMa> another geek prevails
<Nelyx> show me someone successful who ISNT a geek
<DilleMMa> britney spears?
<DilleMMa> christina agerlia
<DilleMMa> mandy moore
<Nelyx> whore <> successful

#8083 (266)

<DilleMMa> im off to maccas now
<DilleMMa> any requests?:)
<Nelyx> some motivation with a side order of dignity
<DilleMMa> and a large compassion
<Nelyx> and no, i would not like fries with that
<DilleMMa> i should get myself a "medium why do i even bother"
<DilleMMa> toodles
<Nelyx> they stopped serving those last year

#8085 (451)

<biatch> he tells me how he's cheated on two of his gfs
<biatch> then when i email him telling him i'm back with luke
<biatch> he's all disappointed
<biatch> and he's like
<biatch> "i told you about the girls i cheated on because i wanted you to TRUST me"

#8086 (273)

<DilleMMa> heyyyy eyyyy baby ouuu ahhh i wanna knowwww (oooowwww) if youll be my girl
<Iceman> DilleMMa: sure, i'll be your girl
<Iceman> DilleMMa: what do I have to do?
<DilleMMa> wear a skirt, shave your legs, paint your nails and get your period everymonth

#8087 (435)

<Aussiedog> guess what?? i actually get a cd in my eye just now
<Iceman> how?
<Aussiedog> i am chewing a cd
<Aussiedog> and iput it in my hand and it flicked into my eye
<Iceman> Aussiedog: you know cd tops are toxic? :P
<Aussiedog> HOLY SHIT
<Aussiedog> ok i spat is otu
<Aussiedog> how toxic?
<Aussiedog> coz my mouth is burning a little

#8093 (435)

<Hazim> APPARENTLY I CANNOT CHARGE MALE ESCORTS TO MY LIBRARY CARD
<LR|seksiwidow-> why the hell not?
<Hazim> i dunno.. they thought i wouldn't return them on time?

#8094 (631)

<Perforatorzzz> my grandma was going thru my room today for some ungodly reason and found some of my gf's clothes she "accidently" left here.
<Perforatorzzz> i'm all, "i like to wear black panties, DAMNIT"

#8100 (674)

#8101 (664)

<Paeyl> why did i just have a sudden image of a penis with tentacles at the tip
<alayna> cthulhuitis
<Paeyl> is there an antibiotic for that?
<Paeyl> "doc, i have a problem." "what?" "it's my.. penis.. it .. " "yes?" "it can.. write its own name."
<geo> That's not a problem, son...that's a potential career.

#8102 (11129)

<glome> Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?!
<content> glome stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
<glome> Who me?!
<content> Yes you!
<glome> Couldn't be!
<content> Then WHO?!!
<glome> Woody stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
*** glome has been kicked by DrWoody (fuck you i didn't touch the motherfucking cookie, bitch)

#8104 (251)

<mrfy> "If you're a technology early adopter, but you're not in the first wave of 'bleeding edge' users, then you're on the scabby edge (where the bleeding edge has crusted over, but it's still raw)."
<Rascal> this is why johnny come latelies get picked on

#8105 (193)

<frail> there are places that should never be scraped
<frail> "get your hand out of my pants and use an emory board you son of a bitch!
<flee> ok, if you want an emory board on your genitals, sure.
<adric> i think id prefer nails to an emory board..
<adric> granted id want them to be short, clean and smooth..
<flee> I like my men short, clean and smooth.
<adric> damn i have the short and clean down.. but i think im all corners..
<flee> not that type of smooth
<flee> smooth like a razor blade you don't notice in the shotglass of gin
<bob> shaven, not stirred

#8106 (506)

<flee> for some reason it never occurred to me until now how odd it is for elmer fudd to be singing about his "spear and magic helmet" while bugs cross-dresses.
<6> I know, it makes so much sense until the cross dressing
<midi> you can say that about lots of things.

#8111 (235)

<@IS2> play it again, dugy
<@Dugy> oooooooo ah ooooo da da de da dooo
<@Dugy> oooooooo ah ooooo daaaaa da daaa
<@Dugy> oooooooo ah ooooo da da de da dooo
<@IS2> ahhh, what a classic
* IS2 saves it to his mp3 collection
<@Dugy> :(

#8112 (290)

<Palindrome80> (oh. my. god. josh just showed me pornographic harry potter fan fiction.)
<thedreya> (I REFUSE to read the porno harry potter fanfic. I stick to gay A-team fanfic)

#8113 (996)

<q> well, not really. i don't like wearing clothes because i really just rather be baked.
<q> and by baked, and mean, naked.
<q> and by "and mean", i mean "i mean"

#8116 (397)

<egypt> bejeweled is hypnotic.
<zebra> omg bejeweled is like crack.
<egypt> i'm convinced this is an attempt at world domination.
<egypt> i can't stop playing this.
<egypt> MUST.. GET... JEWELS... INTO LINES OF THREEEEEEE.
<egypt> NO MOVES LEFT? BASTARDS!
<Allan> What's bejeweled?
<egypt> its like, tetris for the mentally challenged.
<zebra> omg I HATE that noise it makes when you lose.
<egypt> omg i KNOW
<egypt> it makes me feel like such a FAILURE
<zebra> it makes the baby jesus cry.
<egypt> "you have no friends. please find a disease and crawl into bed with it, thanks."
<zebra> That *GAME* makes me feel like a failure.
* zebra falls over laughing