#244799 (765)
<awed> i almost started a cult once
<awed> by accident
<awed> irc is weird like that.
#244859 (147)
<visi-work> I could feed a hundred hungry walruses with $10 at taco bell
#245030 (701)
<rAJ> wooo, i had sex tonight :D
* pikkle holds back another "my mom" joke
<pikkle> argh. YOUR mom, not mine. :(
#245140 (447)
<Crazy^Donna> are we in english class!?
<Kaowyn> no but i'm tired of hearing you fuck up every damn sentence
#245206 (1120)
<schmidt> i can kill a person with no hands
<SirBlack> so can I, when they don't have hands it's hard for them to fight back :P
#245376 (793)
<paroneayea> Oh man!  Oh man!  Oh man!
<paroneayea> I have to tell you people the funniest thing ever.
<paroneayea> This friend of mine, a theater major, walks into my room.  "Do you have a printer I can borrow?" she says.
<paroneayea> "Yes," I say, "but it's an old LaserJet 4L.  Is that alright?"
<paroneayea> "Should be," she responds.
<paroneayea> Then she hands me this paper.  It's like normal paper, but thicker, and... not friendly.
<paroneayea> I ask what it is and she says "cardstock."
<paroneayea> I raise an eyebrow and say, "you do realize that there's no way in hell my printer is going to print on this paper."
<paroneayea> "Oh."
<paroneayea> "Well," she says, "could we print it on normal paper and somehow transfer it to the cardstock?"
<paroneayea> "What, like print it out and literally cut it up and glue it on there?"
<paroneayea> "No, like, if you printed it out and then stuck it in your scanner, maybe we could print it out again on the cardstock?"
<althalus> wtf
<paroneayea> She couldn't understand why I was laughing so hard
<Wilf> lol
<althalus> that needs to go up on bash.
<paroneayea> agreed
#245382 (320)
* Kurayamino chews on 3DSmax
<Kurayamino> it knows i'm gonna replace it with version 6, i swear to my lack of fucking god.
<Kurayamino> max5: "whats this cunt downloading? holy shit! max6!" max6: "muah hah hah, bow to me, for i am superior and you will be deleted" max5: "fuck this. lets CRASH TO DESKTOP at RANDOM INTERVALS for NO FUCKING APPARANT REASON!"
#245572 (298)
Eudox says: my god...
Eudox says: I'm really not used to sending letters
Eudox says: it just took my 10 minutes to work out I had to lick the thingy to make it stick  :|
#245695 (435)
<Disciple> my bowels are at a state of civil unrest
<Disciple> ugh... looks like the rebels are winning
<Disciple> gotta go, bbiab
#245710 (1087)
<Schizo> I once knocked out a toddler with a door. Wasn't funny at the time, but it's hilarious now lol
<sleepbu> i almost frostbitereered my nuts last night :p
<sleepbu> since we're being honest
<sleepbu> it was a hot night
<sleepbu> bag was all hot and sweaty
<sleepbu> thought i'd try out my can of duster
<sleepbu> compressed gas :P
<sleepbu> little did i know that shit comes out as liquid if it's upside down
<sleepbu> drip drip *freeze* OMG WORLD OF PAIN WORLD OF PAIN WORLD OF PAIN
#245718 (7082)
<+mOrphz> damn it :/
<@Lego> damn it :/
<+mOrphz> stop that
<@Lego> stop that
<+mOrphz> :D
<@Lego> :D
<+mOrphz> Lego smells
<@Lego> Lego smells
<+mOrphz> /quit
quit: (Lego) (~leet@apex|Lego.user.gamesnet) (Quit)
#245777 (402)
<Soulcleaver> Once me, my dad, and some of his employees were having a racist joke contest, but midway through we remembered we were still in Wendy's.
#245797 (1045)
<surreal> i've often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can't get my girlfriend to go swimming
#245856 (427)
<pyro> I remember when I was younger this chick wanted me to give her a hickey but i didn't know how.. so i went on google
#245883 (1075)
[+Elkrider] Goat, my name's on the JW blacklist for well over 10 years now.
[+Elkrider] Almost 15, I think.
[+Elkrider] One day they rang at my door. Two women, one about 50 and ugly, the other one around 20 and very pleasant to look at.
[+Elkrider] When they started to talk, I interrupted and said the following, immortal words....
[+Elkrider] "Hold a minute. Before we keep talking, the young one will come in and give me a blowjob. If it's good, we can talk. Agreed?"
[+Elkrider] Perfect win-win situation.
[+Elkrider] Either they piss off or I get a blowjob.
#245902 (65)
<taig3R> so blinker fluid comes out the transmission?
#245906 (1437)
<Malevolyn> last night i was at chili's and i got a big sandwich that had a big knife. so i went to cut my sandwich and started chanting 'knife knife knife knife'
<Malevolyn> and the waitress came by and took my knife...
#245916 (50)
<narcotiKz> sent: could be his blinker pistons
<narcotiKz> i heard the blinker master cylinder goes bad on those things
<narcotiKz> i think factory did a recall
<taig3R> where do blinker pistons go and how much they cost?
#245943 (249)
[suxbad] scott
[suxbad] im coming to visit asheville soon
[@teki] oh god
[@teki] maybe we not get arrested this time
#245967 (923)
<ecks> I'm so virgin, there isn't even a word to describe how much sex I have not had.
#245988 (505)
<FHCI_SS> I work as a tech support and someone called yesterday with the following conversation taking place
<FHCI_SS> Customer: "Hi, I was wondering if you could fix my laptop. It's under warranty."
<FHCI_SS> Me: "What seems to be the trouble with it?"
<FHCI_SS> Customer: "My wife got mad and threw it in the pool."
#246054 (347)
<RamsusXIII> lol foodus
<RamsusXIII> err
<RamsusXIII> doofus
#246057 (-6)
* bare [~op@kiddie-porn.biz] has joined #brained
#246123 (823)
<Ryft> I made some brownies... want one?
<bnyfoofoo> you baked?
<Ryft> No, are you?
#246129 (121)
* nekogirl knits
* Ryft watches her knit
<nekogirl> crap!
<nekogirl> my yarn just ended!
<Ryft> And you didn't see that coming?
<nekogirl> no!